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Get Smart: Kisses for KAOS

Several buildings containing information damaging to the KAOS organization have blown up. In each case, agents find fragments of paintings from a gallery owned by Rex Savage in the rubble. But CONTROL knows nothing about Savage, so 99 goes undercover as a rich socialite and Max as her chauffeur to investigate Rex Savage. But when 99 starts getting close to Savage, will Max's jealousy sink the plan?

Episode Info
Episode number: 1x17
Production Number: 017
Airdate: Saturday January 15th, 1966

Guest Stars
Milton SelzerMilton Selzer
As Parker
Michael DanteMichael Dante
As Savage
Ray KelloggRay Kellogg
As Policeman
Episode Notes
Gadgets: Recording of an unhappy infant that stops when a bottle is placed into a special socket; notepad for recording surveillance observations disguised as a tree leaves; pencil treated to record fingerprints; camera in chauffeur's hat; camera concealed in a painting of a camera; steering wheel phone (flawed: dials the operator when Max turns a corner); inflato-girl to make solo agents in Lovers Lane less suspicious (doesn't work); dinner roll coated in composite that can record fingerprints; soup plate camera triggered by chemically treated spoon; voice sampling equipment in fruit bowl (apple contains recorder and banana contains microphone); nitro floor paint (explodes when stepped on); vibration sensitive paint (explodes when someone makes a loud noise); time delay explosive paint (explodes after a period of time); shoe phone.

Episode Quotes
Max: At 12:06, a man delivered a painting and he came out just three minutes ago. Now, give me your pen and I’ll sign the report.
99: Right. (She hands him a pen. Max signs the report and hands both items to 99. Seconds later, the consulate explodes! 99 hands both items back to Max.)
Max: (writing) 12:09. The. Consulate. Blew. Up...

The Chief: I want Savage’s fingerprints and a picture taken of him right away! 99, we’ll give you the cover of a wealthy society girl.
99: A patron of the arts, right?
The Chief: Correct. Make contact with him, and use this pencil.
Max: Wait a minute, Chief... Won’t it look a little suspicious if she starts drawing his picture?
The Chief: (long suffering) It’s for his fingerprints, Max. This pencil has been scientifically treated. If you can get him to touch it with his fingers, it will leave an impression of his prints.

Mondo: What a combination of talents! Here am I, one of the world’s greatest artists, and you, one of the most ingenious chemists!

99: That’s a shame about the pencil.
Max: You don’t suppose that the Chief would go for a nice clean set of glove prints, do you?

99: Max! You sound like you’re jealous!
Max: Don’t be ridiculous, 99. It’s just that that man might turn out to be a dangerous kisser, er, killer.

The Chief: I hope you’re not in Lovers Lane by yourself. It could draw attention to you.
Max: Don’t worry, Chief. I have my inflato-girl with me.

Police Officer: (after spotting Max with the inflato-girl in Lovers Lane) What kind of a weirdo are you?!?
Max: Oh, I don’t know. Just a plain, normal, everyday weirdo, I guess!

Parker: This bowl of fruit will give us a sample of the subject’s speaking voice. There’s a tape recorder built into this apple! (Parker opens the apple to reveal the recorder.)
Max: That’s fantastic, professor! But, where’s the microphone.
Parker: Oh, the microphone. It’s right in... (looks through the fruit bowl, then notices Max eating a banana) It’s in your stomach!

99: Oh, come on, Rex. Don’t let Maxwell bother you! Actually, he’s been in the family for years and I still don’t know how to handle him.
Rex Savage: May I suggest the rack?!

(The soup bowl conceals a camera.)
99: Try the soup, Rex. I think you’ll like it.
Rex Savage: What kind is it?
Max: Cream of Technicolor!

(Max answers the door.)
Max: I wonder if you could come back tomorrow.
(A hand holding a gun appears.)
Max: Some people just can’t stand rejection.

Max: You’ll never get away with this, Savage!
Rex Savage: Oh? Why not.
Max: Because at this very minute, twenty five Control agents are converging on this very building! Would you believe it? Twenty five Control agents!
Rex Savage: I find that hard to believe.
Max: Would you believe, two squad cars and a motorcycle cop?
Rex Savage: I don’t think so.
Max: How about a vicious streetcleaner and a toothless police dog?

Cultural References
Max describes the soup in the camera bowl as "Cream of Technicolor". Introduced in 1922 and largely out of use by 1952, Technicolor was a method of filming color prints that produced vivid colors. Technicolor films, unlike certain more modern techniques, degrade very slowly and are generally regarded as archive quality. Their disadvantage is high cost, and slow processing speed, which further increases costs.

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