Max: You know, you were using the wrong code. There’s a new code out.
99: Oh, I didn’t get one, yet.
Max: Yes. You see, when you come in the door, you knock like this. (Max knocks three times.)
99: Then what do you do?
Max: I say, “Come in.”
Max: Just look at this, 99. He hasn’t touched one speck of his food.
99: Maybe he doesn’t like the food you’re feeding him.
Max: Well, that can’t be. He had the same thing for dinner I did.
99: What’s that?
Max: Dog food. (99 gives Max a look.) Well, I ran out of everything else!
The Chief: This file contains the list of recent deaths we originally thought were accidents. Look: General Foglesby, killed by his hunting dogs. Admiral Kirkwood, killed by his chow dog. Dr. Krautmeier, killed by his dachshund...
Max: By his dachshund?!?
The Chief: While he was sleeping.
Max: I know just the dog to infiltrate: Fang!
The Chief: Well, Max, I had to put Fang on the inactive list. Let’s go down and look at some other dogs.
Max: Wait a minute, Chief! What’s the matter with Fang?
The Chief: Max, Fang just doesn’t have it anymore.
Max: Doesn’t have it anymore?!? Why, Fang is just as competent as I am!
The Chief: I know...
The Parrot: (quoting Max’s earlier comment) Stanley Maxwell, cover name instead of Maxwell Smart... Maxwell Smart...
Max: It’s a good thing Carlton was in the late so he could give us this electroblast device.
99: I never worked with one before, Max.
Max: You merely press down on this electronic plunger, which sends an electrical current through these wires, which sets off the nitro under these suction cups, which muffle the sound of the explosion.
99: And that does it?
Max: Yes. Guaranteed one of the best ways to open doors. (Max applies a final suction cup to the doorknob, and the door swings open.)
Max: Another good way is turning the doorknob!
Beastmaster: You have fallen into our very clever trap!
Max: I’ve fallen into cleverer traps than this before!
Max: As soon as you’re gone, by the use of sheer brute strength, I shall be able to rip these chains from the wall in one minute. Would you believe it, one minute?!
Beastmaster: I find that hard to believe.
Max: Would you believe, two minutes?
Beastmaster: I don’t think so.
Max: How about a week from Tuesday?
Beastmaster: (smiling) You have a marvelous sense of humor! (He laughs. But when he reaches the elevator, he stops abruptly and his face takes on a stern and sinister cast.) You’ll probably die laughing...
(Max has ordered Fang to drop a bomb down an elevator shaft. Now he must order Fang to bark to set off the bomb. Because he’s brainwashed, Fang understands only German.)
Max: Fang! Bell! (Fang barks.) Fang! Hitten de dirten!