Never Been Kissed - Recap

Finn is luxuriating in a hot bath while Sam takes a cold one. Finn
doesn't know how Sam does it. Sam says he dates Quinn. He's used to a
lot of cold showers. Finn wonders how they wound up with the only two
high school girls who don't put out. He tells Sam what he does to
prevent "it" from happening. He remembers that car accident, the body
hitting the windshield. Sam's never hit a mailman, so he'll have to hold
another thought. Finn points out how the Beast's underwear goes up her
butt whenever she gets angry. Sam figures that mind picture will be his
mailman.

Kurt and Tina are walking happily down the hall when Kurovsky slams Kurt
into a locker. Tina asks, and he's fine. Puck is back, and he owned
juvie. All he did all day was lift weights and cracked skulls. Quinn
says, without inflection, "Wow, what a catch. I can't believe I ever let
you go." Schue announces their competition for sectionals next month,
and Rachel takes notes. One of the teams they are up against is a bunch
of old people getting their GEDs. In preparation, Schue announces their
second annual Boys vs Girls tournament. They split up into the
appropriate groups so they can figure out what songs they are going to
sing. Schue calls Kurt out to get on the boys team. He's not happy.

Artie is Puck's community service project. While he's explaining to Arty
how things will work, Kurt gets bounced off the locker by the same thug
as before. Kurt yells at him, and idiot boy comes back. He's actually
named his fist "Fury". Will sees the tail-end of it, and brings Kurt in
for a chat. He wants to know if he can help, but Kurt says this is his
hill to climb alone. Will tells him that honestly, he thinks it's
getting to him. Kurt usually lets this stuff roll right off his back.
Kurt says it all boils down to the fact that he's not challenged in the
least, here.

Schue tells the club he's not tossing the baby out with the bath water.
Heather murmers that she has Totally done that. Schue still holds the
boy-girl lines, but reverses the song choices. Boys will be doing girl
group stuff, and girls will be doing classic rock, such as The Who or
The Stones. Kurt's eyes light up and his face is split by a broad grin.
Will continues by saying the more opposite their choice, the more points
they will score. Kurt tells the guys he has this one under control. Puck
says some of his usual crap, and Kurt snaps "fine". Mike and Finn appear
alarmed.

Quinn and Sam are getting carried away, so he goes to Beiste to avoid
things getting out of hand. Quinn asks him to say her name, but in his
mind's eye, he hears (and sees) Beiste, so that's the name that comes
out. Quinn dashes off and tells Sue that she thinks Sam is attracted to
the coach. Sue is horrified. Sue might have a solution that will get
Beast out of the school, and Sam back in Quinn's arms. Quinn wants to
know what she should do. Sue says she should go public with her pain, so
Beiste looks like the next Mary Kay LeTourneau.

Puck puts his guitar case up and open so they can make some money. Arty
objects, as he doesn't believe hustling is allowed in school, but he
thinks it's pretty bad ass. He's never done anything bad til now. They
perform "One Love", and with a little intimidation, they wind up with
$300. Arty tells Puck about Brittany. He misses her. Puck suggests that
he and Arty double with Brittany and Santana at Sticks.

Kurt meets Blaine from the Warblers. At their school, the Warblers are
like rock stars. They run down the hall hand in hand, and Kurt is on
cloud 9. He watches them perform "Teenage Dream". Kurt has a blast.

Mike tells Tina that picturing Beiste will help cool him off, according
to Sam. Tina says in that case, they should get a room. Mike's good, but
Tina gets too aroused so she pictures Beiste in a tutu, smoking a cigar.
She says "This will cool you off a little bit" and blows Tina a kiss.
Tina whispers "Beiste" and Mike pulls away.

Quinn confronts Sam with her suspicions that he's involved with his
coach. Beiste overhears and calls Quinn on her tone of voice. Quinn says
she'll leave the two of them alone. Will walks up on Sam and Beiste at
the same time as Mike tells her to stay away from Tina, and gives the
non-verbal sign of "I'm watching you". Beiste is at a complete loss, so
Will asks Sam what's going on.

Will asks how many guys are doing this, and Mike says all the guys whose
girls won't put out. And the girls, too. Will says this is really bad!
What if Coach Beiste were to find out about it? Sam says it's not
personal, but Will calls him on it. Of COURSE it's personal! She's just
like us, like glee club. She's an outsider at this school. No one
appreciates her, or her talent, because they've decided she's too
different. And for them to abuse that, even in private, is the opposite
of everything they are trying to accomplish with glee club. Sam still
doesn't get it. It's all in their minds. It's not like she'd ever know.
Will wants it to end now. Spread the word, this ends now. Coach Beiste
must never know about it.

Kurt is meeting the Warblers. He asks if they are all gay, and looks
hurt when they laugh. Blaine is gay. The other two have girlfriends. The
school policy is that everybody gets treated the same, regardless. Kurt
actually tears up. Blaine asks the others to leave so he and Kurt can
talk alone. Kurt tells him he's the only 'out' kid at his school. And
there's this neanderthal whose purpose in life is to make Kurt's life a
living hell - and nobody seems to notice. Blaine says he's been there,
at his old school. He reported it, but nobody cared. It was like hey. If
you're gay, your life is just going to be miserable. Sorry.

As Blaine sees it, Kurt has two options. He'd love to tell him to just
come enroll at their school. But tuition is steep, and he knows not
everybody can afford it. Or, Kurt can just refuse to be the victim.
Prejudice is just ignorance, and Kurt has the chance to teach that kid.
Confront him, call him out. Blaine ran. He gave up. He let them chase
him away. He really, really regrets it. Kurt has a chance to make a
difference.

When Puck wheels Arty into the music room, Rachel points and yells
"SPIES!" Puck tells her to lighten up; they are here to talk to Santana
and Brittany. Santana asks if they want to go to dinner tonight, but
Puck says no. He tells them to show up at Breadsticks tomorrow night. If
Puck and Arty don't find two hotter women tonight? Then dinner it is,
tomorrow night. Santana and Brittany are all for it. Arty calls Puck a
genius.

Beiste arrives to talk to Will about how the glee club kids are treating
her. If they can't respect her, she can't do her job. She is trusting
Will to be straight with her so, he fills her in. She's hurt. He tells
her not to take it personally, but she tells him she does. She takes it
very, very personally.

The foursome is at Breadsticks. Brittany hits on Arty, and he uses
Puck's recommendations to treat Brittany like dirt so she'll be more
interested. Puck announces a dine and dash, but Arty pays anyway. Puck
leaves Arty there as punishment.

The girls perform Bon Jovi's "Living on a Prayer" in a mash-up with
"Start Me Up". Kurt gets a one-word text from Blaine. "Courage." Becky
brings in a note for Will from Sue, she wants him to meet her in the
auditorium. He arrives to find that she got rid of Beiste, thanks to his
kids, and she got her full budget restored. She leaves Will to clean up
the confetti.

Karofsky attacks Kurt again, and Kurt follows him into the locker room.
Karofsky threatens to punch him, and Kurt tells him to have at it. He
won't be able to punch the gay out of Kurt anymore than Kurt can punch
the ignoramus out of him. Kurt tells him he is nothing but a scared
little boy who can't handle how extraordinarily ordinary he is. Karofsky
kisses him. When he goes to do it again, Kurt shoves him away.

Will tells the club that Coach Beiste quit. Santana says that this is
what happens when people don't put out. If everybody put out, they'd
have a winning football team. The principal arrives to bring Will and
Puck into his office. Puck has 24 hours to find a suitable form of
community service, or his probation will be revoked. When his probation
officer makes a note, he tears the book out of her hands. Schue tries to
warn him that this isn't helping, but Puck believes nobody cares about
helping him, and walks out.

Kurt and Blaine confront Karofsky about the kiss. Karofsky physically
rushes Blaine, and Kurt intercedes. Blaine concludes that Karofsky isn't
coming out of the closet any time soon. He offers to buy Kurt lunch.

Will goes to talk to Beiste. He tells her the kids feel awful. They like
and respect her. She doesn't buy it. She's ready for a life change. He
stops her before she can leave. He remembers how horrible school was,
and can't believe that some of us (the teachers) come back. She tells
him that sometimes she'd like to be reminded that she's "just a girl".
He makes some suggestions, but the bottom line for her is that she's
never been kissed. And being kissed is the gateway to everything else.
He tells her she's an amazing woman, beautiful, and with a heart that's
just too big for most men to stand. He kisses her, so now she's been
kissed. He tells her to meet with them tomorrow so the guys can
apologize to her, and they share a friendly hug.

Puck is cleaning out his locker, a sort of "you can't fire me, I quit"
move. He's not going back to juvie, and he refuses to find something
else to do. So he'll just pack up and leave. Arty wants Puck to be HIS
community service. He'll tutor him in geometry while Puck picks up
garbage on the side of the freeway. He'll help Puck get back on track
academically. He'll be a good influence on Puck.

Kurt has a little Blaine shrine up in his locker. He's looking at it
when thug boy shoves him into it again.

Coach Beiste is being apologized to by the male half of the glee club.
They dedicate their mash-up to her. And they hope that if they win,
she'll forgive them. They perform "Stop In the Name of Love" and "Free
Your Mind" as a mash-up. She liked the performance, and they share a
group hug.

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