Mission: Poachable - Recap

A cool female voice initiates an agent search. A satellite locator zeroes in on the agent: from the United States to Georgia to Atlanta to a suburban home inside which the agent is... climbing the shelves of a pantry. Feet struggle for purchase on shelves to tomatoes and other canned goods. The man slips and falls, catches himself and dangles... inches above the floor. Finally he drops the last six inches and pulls a canister of flour from a shelf. From the powdery contents he retrieves a pair of mirrored sunglasses. As soon as he dons them a message plays across the lenses. “The Frenchman” has escaped from the Home for the Culinarily Insane outside Leone. The Frenchmen sees that grilling and blackening have pushed aside poaching as a cooking technique and he means to make the world pay for that!

Agent Alton assembles his team: Paul (the intern), W (the equipment specialist) and “The Doctor” to crunch the science. With them he’ll put a stop to the Frenchman’s schemes.

While Paul shadows the Frenchman Alton reconsiders poaching, starting with eggs. Poaching refers to the cooking of food by submersion in a liquid at just under a simmer, around 185º. Alton first poaches eggs. He brings an inch or so of water in a skillet to poaching temperature. To that he adds some kosher salt and a few shots of vinegar. The acidic vinegar will speed the setting of the egg whites and prevent feathering, an undesirable outcome in which the whites of the egg spread out thinly and set that way. To preserve the egg flavor Alton recommends simple white vinegar.

He cracks each egg into a cup, cracking all the eggs before he adds any to the water. Then he uses the “clock” method to locate the eggs. The first egg goes in at twelve o’clock. Alton brings the cup into the water and gently decants the egg into the liquid. Working quickly he adds the second egg at four o’clock and the third at eight o’clock. This ensures that he knows which eggs went in first so he can remove them in the correct order. The eggs will be evenly cooked. Once the last egg is in the water Alton lids the pan and turns off the heat. Residual heat in the water and steam will cook the eggs.

Paul calls Alton via radio. He has acquired the subject; Alton gives him a go-ahead for Phase I. Paul trails the Frenchman from the Air France terminal to the Rent-A-Renault lot (but all of the Renaults are in the shop so the Frenchman must settle for a Bavarian substitute).

Back in Alton’s kitchen seven minutes have passed. The stored heat of the water has set the egg white to a custard consistency. It is the perfect complement to a vinegary dinner salad, or it may be refrigerated in an ice water bath for up to eight hours before being reheated for one minute in simmering water.

Poaching, Alton continues, serves high protein foods well. Foods like eggs, chicken, some kinds of pork and most fish must be moist. Poaching is also very good for foods cooked ahead of time and served cold.

Paul reports from the Kroger. The Frenchman has arrived at the market and has cleared out the onions, celery, fresh thyme, garlic, lemon and has even stolen peppercorns from another shopper’s cart! Is the villain’s depravity without limit? Alton enters the purchases into a computer for analysis. When Paul reports the Frenchman’s purchase of white wine the computer has the answer. The Frenchman is making Court Bouillon and quite a lot of it.

Alton grabs ingredients. Court bouillon is a light poaching liquid that can elevate food’s flavor without covering it up. It is ideal for delicate meats and seafoods. Alton’s ingredients divide roughly into several categories: acidic liquids, aromatic vegetables and herbs. Into a saucier he measures water, wine and lemon juice. These are the acidic liquids. The water is especially important; Alton advises cooks with bad tasting tap water to use bottled water. Into the liquid go the aromatics: chopped onion, celery and a clove of garlic. The herbs chase them in: black peppercorns (whole, never cracked or ground), fresh thyme and a bay leaf. Alton brings this liquid to a boil and then backs it down to a simmer.

Why boil it first? To find out Alton finds Good Eats lab 4-A to ask its occupant: The Doctor.

At the market Paul gets careless and the Frenchman discovers him!

Alton enters a combination that sounds like a reedy version of the Good Eats theme to open the lab door. Inside, “The Doctor” has co-opted Alton’s fish tank to explain that most people find it hard to cook at a simmer. People prefer a boil because the explosion of bubbles is a clear signal that the water has reached the right temperature. To learn whether water is simmering Alton must use an instant read thermometer.

The Doctor goes on. Heat is heat, and wet heat can dry foods as effectively as dry heat. The cook must watch carefully because poached food goes from undercooked to overcooked very rapidly. The Doctor proposes a solution: bring the simmer to the proper internal temperature of the cooked food. Food can withstand such a temperature more or less indefinitely. But what if the internal temperature target – like that of fish – isn’t high enough to kill bacteria? No problem: boil the liquid first and then let it cook to the target temperature.

Alton receives a chilling phone call. The Frenchman has kidnapped Paul and demands Alton meet him!

Alton visits the Good Eats Campus: Married Housing area. If he’s going up against th Frenchman he’ll need the right gear, and who better for that than W? She offers him tips on spatula selection. A solid spatula works well for burgers but will turn fish into confetti. Alton selects a slotted spatula made of high temperature nylon for use with his non-stick cookware. Alton turns to thank W but she has already vanished!

Equipped and ready, Alton goes to meet the Frenchman at the Mountasia Family Fun Center. He’s there to confront The Frenchman for Paul’s life. It’s not that he cares so much about Paul, but there is also the matter of cooking pride. The French flag flies just over the next hill.

The Frenchman greets Alton with a hearty “Bonjour!” He’s ready to cook and with a command he brings out his assistant. It’s Paul, brainwashed! Alton demands to know where the Frenchman’s Court Bouillon is and the madman points to the nearby lake – the entire like is Court Bouillon! And a simple valve connects it to the city drinking water, leaving citizens no choice but to poach!

Paul sets down his ingredients and “accidently” knocks over the thermos of Court Bouillon Alton brought with him! But Alton’s not out of it! He’s got a can of condensed milk and some spices. With these he can poach catfish deliciously.

The Frenchman has a deep pot containing his own Court Bouillon and several pieces of sea bass. He’s using the shallow, high temperature poaching favored by the French. While that heats Paul begins work on an elaborate sauce and the Frenchman settles back to catch some sun.

Alton tries but can’t snap Paul out of his brainwashed conditioning. So he leaves the hapless intern and turns to his own recipe. Evaporated milk, some Old Bay crab seasoning, ground pepper and kosher salt go into his electric skillet. Something’s missing... Alton realizes what and adds some onion. He brings that to a boil and then lowers the temperature to 140º - the proper internal temperature for catfish. Then Alton pans his fillets. They’re almost completely immersed. The lid goes on and the waiting begins.

Paul works on the sauce while the Frenchman tends the fish. Alton makes his move! He’s brought a secret weapon: liver! He tosses the liver into the Frenchman’s lake of Court Bouillon where it will breaks into bitter particles. Desperate, the Frenchman lunges to intercept the ruinous missile but succeeds only in following it into the lake...

It’s time for the showdown. Without the Frenchman’s guidance near the end his sea bass has dried out terribly. Alton’s catfish is perfectly cooked and will stay that way for as long as a half hour. That only scratches the surface of poachable foods that includes meats and fruits, and all of them are... Good Eats.

In the closing scene, ominously, a palsied hand reaches for the Frenchman’s floating hat...

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