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Good Eats: The Bulb of the Night
Mr. Vlad drops by Alton’s place for help with his culinary problem: he doesn’t like garlic. Alton shows his mysterious visitor how to select garlic, what kinds of tools work best for preparing it, and how to cook with it, offering Vlad’s Very Garlicky Greens and 40 Cloves and a Chicken as examples, as well as tips on storage and how to get the most of your garlic. In fact, Alton and his guest cook all night long...
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Episode Info
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Episode number: 4x9 Production Number: EA1D11 Airdate: Wednesday July 25th, 2001 |
Recap
It is night when someone knocks on Alton’s door. Alton answers and greets Mr. Vladimir, who has arrived for his appointment. Mr. Vladimir pauses at the doorstep until Alton specifically invites him to enter, complimenting his cape as he does so. The visitor invites Alton to call him Vlad...Read the full recap
Episode Notes
Cards
- The word “garlic” derives from the two Anglo Saxon words gar (spear) and leac (leak).
- In 1999 Americans consumed a record breaking 3.1 pounds of garlic per person.
- Garlic eaters suffer fewer incidents of stomach cancer, stroke, and cardio vascular disease.
The episode is presented from the perspective of the mysterious Mr. Vladimir. Viewers hear his voice (a stereotypical Slavic accent), and see his hands but no other part of him.
The onscreen titles and notes depart from their usual font. In this episode they're displayed in a creepy purple "melting" font of the sort scene around Halloween and at horror conventions.
This episode is on the DVD Poultry Pleasers.
Episode Quotes
(Discussing Vlad’s inability to cook garlic.)
Alton: How long have you had this problem?
Vlad: Centuries, it seems.
Alton: Why seek help now?
Vlad: Modern women all vant chefs. I try to cook, but today’s recipes call for heaping piles of that cu-u-u-rsed Italian veed!
Alton: How long have you had this problem?
Vlad: Centuries, it seems.
Alton: Why seek help now?
Vlad: Modern women all vant chefs. I try to cook, but today’s recipes call for heaping piles of that cu-u-u-rsed Italian veed!
Vlad: I always enjoyed the Tartars.
Alton: You mean, steak tartare?
Vlad: Whatever.
Alton: You mean, steak tartare?
Vlad: Whatever.
Alton: You’re gonna hang with me, you’d gonna have to learn to appreciate multi-taskers. Instead of that thing, use one of these (Alton holds up a meat tenderizer).
Vlad: A hammer?
Alton: Well, yes, for pounding steaks.
Vlad: (alarmed, he backs away) Stakes?!?
Vlad: A hammer?
Alton: Well, yes, for pounding steaks.
Vlad: (alarmed, he backs away) Stakes?!?
Alton: (to W) Thanks a lot, smitten kitten. Back to work!
Alton: (while chopping garlic) Oh, shoot – just barely nicked my fingernail, there. Don’t worry, I’ll get the blood off that blade – you don’t have to worry about it... not a big deal.
Vlad: (picks up the blade) Hmmm, O positive...
Alton: Boy, sure does smart though. (Vlad returns the blade.) Oh! Coulda sworn I got some... doesn’t matter...
Vlad: (picks up the blade) Hmmm, O positive...
Alton: Boy, sure does smart though. (Vlad returns the blade.) Oh! Coulda sworn I got some... doesn’t matter...
Alton: Now all we gotta do is kill an hour and a half.
Vlad: Kill?!?
Alton: That’s a figure of speech.
Vlad: Drat.
Vlad: Kill?!?
Alton: That’s a figure of speech.
Vlad: Drat.
Alton: Holy Moly, would you look at the time... we’ve been cooking all night! It must be morning out!
(Alton pulls open the door. Sunlight streams in, Vlad screams. There is smoke and Vlad’s large jeweled ring clinks to the tabletop.)
Alton: Silly Vlad. Everybody knows that garlic is the bane of bloodsuckers, witches, evil spirits and zombies everywhere. Of course, for us nice, living people, garlic is nothing but... Good Eats!
(Alton pulls open the door. Sunlight streams in, Vlad screams. There is smoke and Vlad’s large jeweled ring clinks to the tabletop.)
Alton: Silly Vlad. Everybody knows that garlic is the bane of bloodsuckers, witches, evil spirits and zombies everywhere. Of course, for us nice, living people, garlic is nothing but... Good Eats!
Cultural References
Alton asks if Vlad knows how to squeeze in a way that calls to mind Lauren Bacall’s famous quote from 1944’s To Have and Have Not. Speaking to Harry Morgan (Humphrey Bogart), Bacall says in part, “You know how to whistle, don't you, Steve? You just put your lips together and... blow.”
Mr. Vladimir is clearly meant as a send up of perhaps the most famous vampire in literature, Count Dracula. His aversion to garlic, long life, ability to enchant W, fondness for blood, stereotypical accent and numerous other details, right up to his destruction when bathed in the rays of the sun, all come from vampire lore.
Part of the music that plays for Mr. Vladimir is the Toccata and Fugue in D-Minor, one of Johann Sebastian Bach’s more famous compositions. Its mood evoking melody and chords have linked it more or less permanently to creepy characters and spooky motifs, especially the first passage.
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