Shell Game IV - Recap

Alton sits at his desk, his back to us, answering a phone call. A swimmer has been attacked by a scallop offshore of Spamity Island! Alton’s on his way. French legend does claim that St. James rescued a knight who fell into the ocean and emerged covered with scallops, which is why the dish is called Coquille St. Jacques to this day. But this is just legend, not real. Still, Alton thinks, a trip to Spamity Island will enable him to consume his weight in scallops – mini-morsels which are nothing if not... Good Eats!

At the meeting house on Spamity Island Alton first meets Chief Brooding and one of his men. Inside Alton meets more of the townsfolk. They’re scared. One lady lost a toe. Another once saw a scallop eat a squirrel! Alton says that’s extremely unlikely. The toe was likely lost to glass or even a barracuda. The scallop has a large muscle that opens and closes the shell, forcing water through valves to propel the creature. The muscle that holds the shell closed is very weak, much too weak to do serious harm. And its forty weak eyes perceive only immediate threats. They cannot acquire prey at a distance.

Fingers scraping on the chalkboard herald the arrival of Captain Squint. Stringy hair escaping from beneath a shabby cap and an eye patch made from a small scallop suggest a man who has lived a hard life. He tells the people of Spamity he’ll “find it for three, catch, kill and cook it for ten.” They agree to the captain’s terms but stipulate that he must accept Alton as crew.

Alton gathers diving gear and finds Squint’s... houseboat? Yes, Squint plans to hunt the deadly scallop from a houseboat. Then Squint notes the diving gear and asks what Alton plans. Learning Alton plans to dive for scallops, Squint tells Alton the plan is nuts. Alton goes below to store his gear.

Below decks Alton confronts the two common scallops. The larger is the sea scallop and the smaller is the bay scallop. Those in the Pacific northwest may sometimes see spiny and peak scallops, while those who dive offshore during Florida’s summer may find calico scallops.

The capture method, Alton continues, is very important. Scallop boats that dredge for the animals must remain out for long periods to amass a profitable haul. That means they must freeze their catch or treat it chemically, both of which lower the quality. By contrast, “day boat” scallops harvested by boats that leave at dawn and return at dusk are fresher. Diver scallops harvested by divers who retrieve them by hand are the freshest of all.

Above decks Captain Squint peers through binoculars. When Squint stows the glasses we see that inside his large scallop shell eye patch is... a smaller scallop shell eye patch. Alton asks when they’ll cast off and Squint tells him they must wait for high tide. Then he orders Alton below decks to whip up some grub. Alton asks what he’s got for ingredients and Squint tells him scallops, beer, and crackers.

Back below decks Alton compares the frozen and fresh scallops. Fresh ones may be dry packed or wet packed. Dry packed should be dry to the touch and are ivory colored, sometimes slightly pink or orange. Wet packed are white. What’s the difference? Wet packed scallops have been soaked in sodium tripolyphosphate, a chemical that facilitates moisture retention when the meat is frozen. Fresh scallops should never be soaked in this chemical but some sellers do it because it makes the meat retain moisture. That makes it heavier and therefore the same meat sells for more. But meat soaked in STP is hard to cook and impossible to sear. In the United States scallops with a water concentration of greater than 82% must be labeled “water added product” while those with a concentration of greater than 86% may not be sold at all.

Alton gently presses his sample. Untreated meat should be somewhat sticky and slightly springy. And it should never be floating in milky goo, as the wet packed fresh scallop does. Alton goes on to recommend storing scallops in an airtight container, preferably surrounded by ice. He uses his within a day or two of purchase, but comments that frozen meat may be stored for two or three months. Thaw it overnight.

Captain Squint pokes his head in to order Alton to hurry with the grub, and to make enough to feed the dock hands because that brings good luck. Alton has never heard of that superstition but he gets to work.

Besides buying the right ones, which Alton has already discussed, the secret to delicious scallops is searing. They’re all muscle, full of amino acids and glycogen, a sugar polymer that browns nicely with a high dose from the right heat source. Alton discards Squint’s collection of corroded cookware in favor of an aluminum pan he puts over medium heat. To that he adds a little butter and a little olive oil (not extra virgin). By itself butter has too low a smoke point; the olive oil will raise that. Alton melts the butter and keeps the pan at medium until the water mixed in the butter boils off. While that happens he makes sure his scallops are bone dry and seasons them with kosher salt (sea salt also works) and finely ground pepper. If the small side muscle is still present he tears that off and discards it. When just the first wisps of smoke appear in the pan Alton puts in the scallops, working in a spiral from the outside in. The pattern is important because Alton wants to turn his scallops in the same order he added them to the pan. Once the scallops are in the pan Alton leaves them alone for ninety seconds, resisting the temptation to look underneath them or move them. After ninety seconds he turns them over using the same pattern he followed earlier and cooks them for another ninety seconds. It’s important not to cramp them; if your pan is too small for all the scallops you want to make Alton advises cooking in batches. Ideally the meat will be cooked what Alton calls a “strata of textures” from a sear at the outside to “purt near raw” in the very middle. Alton serves these scallops atop a simple salad with a spicy vinaigrette dressing.

Squint seizes Alton’s seared scallops but demands another dish. Alton wants to go topside but Squint tells him he can’t because the coast guard is coming and Alton has no life preserver. Instead Squint puts Alton back to work making another scallop dish.

Inspired by the scallop shells littering the cabin Alton settles on his next dish: bay scallop scampi on the half-shell. Squint’s cluttered oven won’t do; fortunately Alton’s near bottomless bag holds a toaster oven.

Alton puts a skillet over medium heat and melts some unsalted butter. Then he adds garlic and a pinch of salt and cooks that for a bit, finally adding crushed crackers. Then he cuts up tomatoes and parsley and stirs these together with kosher salt. That goes into the scallop shells (you can use oven proof ramekins if you haven’t got scallop shells). Then Alton puts small bay scallops on top and covers everything with the crushed and seasoned crackers. Two shells will fit in the oven at a time; Alton bakes them for eight to ten minutes. As soon as these are done Squint returns and takes them topside. As he leaves he demands another dish, but all that remains are his nasty wet pack scallops.

Alton thinks a bit before coming up with a recipe. A pound of the scallops go into a food processor (that bag really holds a lot of stuff) and Alton pulses it four or five times until the scallops have been turned to paste. Then he adds egg whites, nutmeg, white pepper, lemon zest, parsley and kosher salt, pulsing to incorporate these ingredients. While the machine runs he adds very cold heavy cream. The cold is crucial – the fat phase holds onto air and the egg proteins provide a matrix to set the bubbles, yielding a properly airy mousse. When the cream is in Alton turns a zip lock bag into a piping bag by nipping off a corner, then squeezes the mixture into miniature phyllo shells. To keep the mixture firm Alton periodically sets the bag into a bowl of ice water. When the shells are filled Alton bakes them for ten minutes.

Captain Squint appears, now wearing a coat and holding a wine bottle where Alton can’t see it. He tells Alton the Coast Guard wants to fine him for scalloping out of season but that he might be able to hold them off with snacks. Alton gives him the scallop mousse. Then he starts through another cabin below decks where he discovers diving gear. And a pincher device with scallop shells on the end! Suddenly the “scallop attack” stands explained. But why would Squint do it? Alton heads topside and discovers that the deck of the boat has become – a restaurant! Diners feast on Alton’s scallop menu! Squint admits that business had gotten slow to he manufactured the scallop attack and turned his boat into a restaurant. Alton threatens to give up the scam when one of the diners, a food writer, tells him how wonderful her dinner was. He eventually agrees to split the take with Captain Squint and heads back below decks to cook more scallops.

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