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Goodbye, Columbia - Recap

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Serena has her cab swept right out from under her by the same guy that
did it last time. He hits on her (while holding his date's shoes, she
notes). His date got the taxi, but he has his own car and driver,
leaving Serena to flag another cab.

Serena and Blair touch base. Serena feels like she has a whole new
start, what with Nate and Dan being part of her past. She notes that
she's been late several times for English class, and late counts as
absent. Blair wishes aloud that there were a device of some kind to keep
the time. Serena notes that Blair seems unaffected by Chuck's threats.
That's because Blair knows she's safe from him on campus, so she's
throwing herself into her course load.

Rufus shows up and asks Vanessa how things are with Dan, since he's not
returning his calls. She tells him all is well, better even. They had a
great talk and cleared up all the secrets and surprises.

Nate invites Dan and Vanessa to join him and Juliet at a mixer. He tries
to lure Dan in with a promise of free appetizers. Dan suggests a movie
after, but Nate and Juliet have a cozy evening in planned, complete with
champagne and lingerie. They haven't been intimate yet. Nate said they
could have, but he took a page from Dan's playbook, and they just
talked, and played Scrabble. Dan thanked Nate for inviting him today,
and Nate said yeah, he missed Dan too. But no hugs. Not one.

Juliet is visiting the man in the orange jumpsuit again. He wants Serena
left with nobody and nothing, just like she did to him. The next stop is
getting her expelled from Columbia. Juliet protests, because it's too
soon after she got busted for trying to keep Serena out of Hamilton
House. He calls her on how close she's getting to Nate, and she says
she's just doing that to stay in Serena's orbit.

Blair and her minions arrive to sign up for Miss Chamberlain's lecture
series, and they are pointed toward the end of a very long line. She
turns and sees Chuck. He tells her he's there to donate money to build
"The Bart Bass Memorial Rotunda". Blair says "WHAT!?" and he defines a
rotunda for her. She tells him he can't be there, Columbia is hers.
Chuck says she took away what mattered to him the most, so to return the
favor, he's going to take Columbia away from her. Blair tells her
minions to come back later and sign her and Serena up for Martha
Chamberlain's class, but do it quietly; she doesn't want Chuck to know.

Gossip Girl announces that Serena has an STD. Serena goes to Blair with
the news, and wonders who would do such a thing, and why GG would even
dignify it? Blair tells her to continue holding her head high, and focus
on school; "We were here first, damn him to hell!" Serena gets the
feeling the pep talk isn't aimed at her, and she's right. Blair tells
her Chuck is at Columbia. Blair's solution is to become Martha
Chamberlain's teaching assistant. Serena admires Blair's handling of the
situation, and decides she will do the same. She's going to go sit in
the quad like she doesn't have a care in the world,and email her English
professor to see when they can meet.

Juliet, Nate and Dan are walking along discussing GG's most recent
disturbing news. Since most of the people in their social circle slept
with each other, they are all in need of an STD test. Vanessa arrives,
asking to speak with Dan. Juliet asks Nate to get tested before they
move forward with their relationship, and Vanessa confronts Dan about
his recent history with Serena.

Dan is very frustrated. He's tired of defending himself from Vanessa's
insecurities. He can't see himself having this conversation even one
more time. Nothing happened. She apologizes, and he tells her he'll call
her after the game. Juliet sits down at Serena's table and asks her if
she's okay. She tries to be supportive of Serena regarding the way the
English prof called her out in front of the entire class. Serena says
she's fine, she emailed him. Juliet lies and tells Serena that Nate
freaked when he saw the GG post on Serena. She glances at Nate and Dan
walking into the Student Health Center. Serena goes over and confronts
them. She tells Dan it's been years, and he announces he's Nate's wing
man. She asks Nate to wait a few days to get tested, and do it somewhere
else or it will just add fuel to the fire. Nate tells her that he's
doing it for someone else, she's his priority now, and he goes inside.

Gossip Girl strikes again, this time showing Dan at the health center,
and alluding to what happened last May at their sleepover. Vanessa loses
whatever ground she gained on staying sane and levelheaded where Serena
is concerned.

Blair arrives at Miss Chamberlain's office, bearing gifts and hoping to
score the TA position. She's informed the position was already filled -
by Chuck Bass. If Blair has any questions about the course, she can ask
Chuck. He informs her she's not actually in the class, she didn't make
the cut.

Blair invites Miss Chamberlain for tea. She accepted as a personal
courtesy, as she and Blair's mother have crossed paths on occasion.
Blair offers to set her up with one of her father's partners, to show
her ex-husband that she's doing just fine. Miss Chamberlain says she was
going to be at the Hamilton House anyway, so Blair says she'll make the
call - that is, of course, if the TA position is still available.

The cab man steals Serena's ride again. He claims he leaves at the same
time every day just to see her. She says that's good, then she's going
to share the cab, and orders the woman inside to scoot over. Serena
leaves the man standing there, smiling.

Dan fills Rufus in on the Serena rumor. He tells him Vanessa slept in
the other room last night, and this morning she was gone. He tells him
nothing happened with Serena last spring, but Vanessa remains
suspicious. Rufus tells Dan he needs to make sure Vanessa understands
that she's the only one he cares about.

Vanessa confronts Serena about Dan. It's a short chat, and she leaves
angry. Serena gets a text from her professor stating that he waited five
minutes. Office hours are over, and she needs to buy a watch.

Chuck is having martinis with one of Blair's minions. She gives him the
information he needs to take Blair down.

Nate texts Juliet, and she comes running. He just found out test results
could take 3-4 days. Juliet goes home to take a cold shower. She takes a
call from prison dude, and tells him she couldn't just ask Nate to steal
Serena's phone.

Vanessa approaches Juliet, telling her she feels like she's losing her
mind. Juliet says she has an idea that can help them know for sure if
Serena and Dan are telling the truth about nothing happening last
spring. She tells Vanessa to call Dan and tell him to meet them at
Hamilton House tonight.

Blair asks Serena about the meeting with her professor. Serena admits
she didn't make it, but he agreed to give her five minutes of his time
tonight.

Vanessa gets Serena's phone and Juliet tells her to check the email. If
anything did happen between Dan and Serena, there's bound to be
evidence. Vanessa says this feels very wrong, but she goes ahead and
does it anyway. She gets good news, Dan sent an email a few hours ago
where he states that nothing happened last spring. Vanessa wants to
return the phone immediately, but Juliet says she's not the only one
with boyfriend insecurity, and keeps the phone. She sends a text somewhere.

Dan and Vanessa have a reunion. They decide to load up on free
appetizers and head home for fun.

Chuck switched out Blair's date for Miss Chamberlain, and a woman is
substituted. Miss Chamberlain is insulted and declares her class full
forever.

Serena meets Professor Lawford and tells him she will do anything to
make up for her frequent tardyism. The Dean says they already know; he
got the text she sent offering to exchange sex for grades. She's asked
if the email address on the phone is hers, and she says yes, but she
didn't send it.

Vanessa nforms Juliet she's going to tell Serena that they had her phone.

Blair confronts Chuck and they go to town about the TA position. Martha
overhears them and declares them both crazy. She promptly quits.

Serena says her phone is missing. Whoever has it, sent the text. Vanessa
is approaching Serena to tell her about them taking the phone. When
Juliet tries to stop her, she plants the phone in Vanessa's purse.
Juliet tells Serena to call her phone, and Serena does. It rings in
Vanessa's purse, She knows Juliet put it in there, but Juliet totally
sells Vanessa down the river. Given how jealous Vanessa has been, nobody
believes her. Juliet admits what she did, when she and Vanessa are left
standing alone together.

Blair informs Serena that Gossip Girl apologized and printed a
retraction. Also, whoever fed her the rumor is now on her hit list.
Serena tells her it was Vanessa, and Juliet's the one that put the truth
out there. Now she and Juliet are tentative friends.

Chuck is having a celebratory drink. Blair tells him he won, he can go
now. He says it's not that simple. From now on whatever she wants, he's
going to make sure she doesn't get it. She wants to believe he wouldn't
go that far. But he assures her he will, as that will make him happy.
She tells him that the only thing that will make him happy, he lost when
he slept with Jenny, because then Blair was finally over him. He alludes
to having slept with Jenny, and Blair becomes passionate about what
revealing that secret could lead to for the both of them.

Dan gets home, and Vanessa is packed to go stay with her parents for a
little while. She reiterates that she didn't start the rumor or send the
email. He says he thinks he believes her, but it doesn't change the fact
that she didn't believe him. She says she knows that now, and it's just
too bad that it took losing Dan to figure it out.

The cab stealer joins Serena at the bar. They banter, and he asks for
one drink, one question. She can ask him anything. Serena says that
college is just high school with more expensive books. Her past follows
her everywhere she goes. She asks him why he's with a different girl
every night, and he says because he stopped apologizing for his past a
long time ago.

Juliet wraps up her conversation with prison dude and joins Nate in bed.

Chuck calls Parson's School of Design and speaks to Tim Gunn. He sets up
an interview for Jenny with him.