The Witches of Bushwick - Recap

Eric and his friend Elliott are using math (inclusive of protractors) to
help Serena make the right decision: Dan vs Nate. She asks Eric if he
seriously expects her to make this monumental decision based on graph
paper and colored pencils. Eric tells her not to mock, since Elliott
got an 850 on his SAT in math. She calls the boys E-harmony and tells
them she's already decided. When she called Dan to meet her and Nate
intercepted telling her he wanted her back, she did what Serena does
best. She ran up to her room without speaking to either one of them.
Eric recognizes that "non-coping" mechanism.

Lily asks how Serena will cope with this. She starts reading an article
in the newspaper regarding Colin. "Why did Colin Forrester leave
Columbia students eager to learn about the psychology of business?
Answer: His 'funny business' with Serena Van der Woodsen." Serena says
Lily needs to call the paper and make them issue a retraction and an
apology. It's not true. Lily points out that half of New York saw her
kiss him at the ballet. Dean Ruther would like to see them in her
office. Eric tells Elliott it looks like their compatibility worksheet
will have to wait.

Dan leaves a message on Serena's voice mail. He just wants her to know
that Brooklyn is a great place to avoid nasty looks. Nate walks in
during the message, and tells Dan he left her the same message, but
without the lame Brooklyn joke. Dan shouldn't wait by the phone.
Vanessa walks in and hears the boys squabbling over Serena. She got the
boys together because she knows they miss each other. Dan grouses that
Nate shouldn't assume he's been calling his name out in his sleep. Nate
responds he's hardly been writing Mrs. Nate Humphrey in his notebook.
They share sheepish grins.

Chuck is planning a benefit, a black and white ball. Blair gives him
positive feedback about him being in his element. They want Ann
Archibald to make Blair the new face of her foundation. Blair says her
day would be complete if she could just get a reservation at the Lion,
but alas. Chuck has one, actually. He'll blow off his business meeting
if she'd care to join him. She agrees to lobster pot pie between
friends. Chuck gives Blair a goodbye kiss on the cheek. After he
leaves, she calls in Darota and tells her to arrange an ensemble for
Blair. Darota thinks it's for her meeting with Ann, but Blair tells her
it's for dinner with Chuck. And Darota needs to wipe that look off her
face, it's not what she thinks it is.

Chuck lied about the reservations. He makes an emergency call to set up
dinner for two at 8:00.

Serena wishes Lily would at least try to hide her disappointment. Lily
says she has nothing to hide, she just wants them to be able to put this
behind them. Serena asks if she is expected to wear a scarlet letter
for something she didn't do. Dean Ruther arrives, and Lily apologizes
that she has to disrupt her day with such trivial matters. The Dean
responds that it's hardly trivial. Lily offers the University an
endowment, but the Dean refuses. The only thing she wants from Lily is
that Serena be removed from the University. She's taken hundreds of
calls from concerned parents. It is no longer Serena's education that
is being disrupted.

Lily points out that Columbia was hardly the only Ivy League School that
indicated in interest in Serena. The dean recommends that Serena find a
school outside the city. She will refund her tuition, and facilitate a
transfer. Lily believes that the dean misunderstood her. Serena chose
Columbia, and despite the dean's judgmental attitude, Serena is the
victim here. She is sure that the Times would love to do an article
about a dean who tolerates professors in power positions exploiting
female students. All the dean says in response is that she hopes Serena
will consider her offer.

Nate and Dan are playing apartment hoops. Nate swears he thought he was
over Serena until he realized just how much effort Juliet put into
tearing them apart. Dan summarizes. They are friends who like the same
girl. They tried pretending that they didn't (Nate interjects "But we
do"). Nate continues by saying they try to act like they don't care that
they're friends and Nate responds "But we do." Dan has a solution: they
will have a gentleman's agreement that she picks who she picks, and they
remain friends. In other words "may the best man win."

Serena thinks that Dean Ruther was actually trembling. Lily was very
impressive. Lily quite agrees. Serena thanks her for believing her - it
means a lot. Lily asks that there be no more surprises. Serena says
Lily knows everything. Dan and Jenny walk in. Lily says that's the kind
of surprise she likes to see, and Serena says she wishes she could say
the same. She excuses herself to check in on Eric and Elliott.

Rufus tells Lily that Jenny has something to tell her. Jenny fills her
in on the Juliet phone call. She says she probably would've done
something like this last year, taking down Serena, but that's not who
she is any more. Lily says Juliet's reign of terror is over now that
she failed to get Serena kicked out of Columbia. Jenny is not so sure
about that, since Juliet says she has a story she intends to leak to
Page Six. Not only that, but Juliet claim she knows more, and she's not
afraid to use it. Lily thanks Jenny, and says she will take it from
here. As Rufus and Lily head out, Jenny calls Juliet and tells her that
everything is in place on her end. Vanessa took care of the boys, too.
All is good to go. Jenny glances at Serena's purse, then off in the
direction Serena went.

Darota brings in tea for Blair and Ann Archibald. They exchange
compliments. Ann says Blair was the first person she thought of to
replace her as the face of the Girls, Inc foundation. Blair says she'd
be honored to carry on Ann's philanthropic tradition. The board feels
that whoever is chosen must be empowered, herself. Blair responds that
power is not just her mission it's her mantra. Ann says it is Blair's
relationship with Chuck that is in question.

Chuck tells Casey that he took her advice about the relaunch. He'll have
Victrola, Gimlet - the Empire as his flagship. She thinks the black and
white ball is "so Hilton. Conrad. Not Paris." Chuck decides to take her
insult as flattery, but she tells him not to. People aren't checking
into the Empire for a black tie experience. They come to live like
Chuck Bass. No rules, no repercussions. He says they still can. The
hotel is the same as ever. She responds that he's not. When he
disappeared, he seriously damaged his brand, and the hotel has paid the
price.

Blair tells Ann that people do change. Not that she would know if Chuck
has, since she rarely associates with him anymore.

Casey tells him that if he wants to commit to rebuild, he needs to
return to being the hedonist that everybody loves to hate. Nobody wants
a softhearted has-been who is worried about dating Blair Waldorf. Chuck
says "Trust me, a relationship with Blair Waldorf is the furthest thing
from my mind."

Ann goes on to tell Blair that people may forgive the choices she's made
in her past, but if she wants this foundation to be in her future, Ann
will need to be assured that Chuck will not be a part of it. Blair says
he's not even part of her present.

Juliet tells Vanessa and Jenny that Lily has requested a meeting. The
girls whine more about how Serena always gets away with everything.
Serena has to have everybody turned against her so she will finally know
what it's like to be an outsider. Juliet says that now that Nate and
Dan are friends again, all they need to do is get their hands on
Serena's phone. Jenny went one better. She swapped out the sim card in
Serena's phone. She can place calls normally, but when people respond,
the girls will get the voice mails, texts, etc. Serena will never know
what's happening, because her phone's not even missing. Juliet thinks
that if Jenny stuck around here, they'd all be working for her in a
week. So now Vanessa and Jenny can wait for incoming calls while Juliet
goes to meet Lily.

Blair tells Chuck their dinner date should be canceled, and he agrees.
She realizes he's lying, because she's lying, so she tells him the
truth. Ann doesn't want her to have anything to do with him. What's his
excuse? Casey thinks she's too good for his bad reputation. Serena asks
Blair if she's sure she knows what she's doing, and she says she can
handle it. She just needs to keep her relationship secret. How are
things with Dan and Nate? Serena says she has a whole new appreciation
for Big Love, because she absolutely cannot decide. Blair points out
that even in Utah, only the men can have more than one partner. That's
extremely sexist.

Serena wants Blair to help her decide. Not by making a list, though;
Eric and Elliott are already on that. She needs a plan B. Blair
volunteers Darota feeding the ducks as a meditative means to an end, but
Serena takes a pass. She'll go shopping. Shopping always works. Blair
says that's an excellent idea. Pick the perfect dress, then pick her man.

Dan and Nate are each going to invite Serena on the "best date ever". It
should be true to who they are so she knows who she'd be happier/more
comfortable with. They're each going to make their call, and whoever she
chooses is the guy she wants to be with; never, NEVER to be discussed or
debated again.

Vanessa and Jenny are answering Blair's paranoid texts making sure that
Serena isn't going after Ann Archibald's foundation. Dan and Nate's
invitations come in. Jenny decides she's not going to accept either of
them, but not until she's toyed with both of them enough that they'll
hate her; at least for tonight. Nate and Dan get matching responses.
"Can't wait. See you there."

Chuck and Blair are getting up close and personal while they chat. She
agrees with Casey: Black and White is decent rather than decadent. Call
it Saints & Sinners. Chuck says there's something alluring about an
angel drawn to the dark side. Blair counters "Or a devil redeemed."
Masquerade. Where inhibitions can't help but break free. He'll denounce
her in front of the entire board, Casey and Gossip Girl will have a
field day.

Juliet thanks Lily for the tea, but she's not really sure why she's
there. Lily points out that Juliet has made a career out of harassing
Serena. She and Colin are over. Juliet needs to stop attempting to
jeopardize Serena's future. She swears to Lily that she won't mention
Colin's name again. Too bad he's not the only teacher Serena had an
inappropriate relationship with. Lily feigns ignorance, but Juliet knows
about what happened at boarding school. Serena was a minor. Lily is
willing to pay Juliet off to shut her up.

Eric and Elliott are shopping with Serena. She can't choose between
gowns, either. Maybe she should get both. Eric thought the point was to
choose. Gossip Girl puts out a blast announcing the switch to Saints &
Sinners. Serena asks the boys which she should be, but Eric refuses to
touch that one with a 10' pole. As the boys leave to go shopping, Juliet
approaches Serena. She has a new benefactor in Lily. Lily paid her off
so the whole world wouldn't find out Serena's other secret. Juliet says
it would be a shame if everybody were to discover what an embarrassment
it is to have Serena as a daughter.

Dan calls Vanessa to see if she's at the loft, and if so, is Serena
there. Vanessa asks if she should leave so they can be alone. Dan says
no, she's supposed to meet him in the park. The fake phone gets a text.
Nate calls Chuck to see if Serena has been through. He can't focus on
Nate's problem. Chuck accidentally told Blair he loved her, 'during'.
Nate says he should relax. When a woman hears that during sex, she knows
it means "I love having sex with you", not "I love you."

Blair confides in Darota that Chuck told her he loved her. She gets that
he just blurted it out at the height of passion. Darota doesn't think
Mr. Chuck seems the kind to do that sort of thing. Blair disagrees, and
adds that she did the polite thing, and pretended that she didn't hear.

Serena confronts Lily. They wind up at complete cross-purposes, and
Serena walks away, hurt.

Chuck sent all Blair's favorites to her, courtesy of the Lion. She
removes her dress and tells Darota to tell Ann and the board she's been
detained. When Darota asks where she's going, Blair kisses her on the
cheek and says straight to hell with all the other sinners.

Dan and Nate touch base and find that Serena stood them both up. She
arrives a moment later, having no clue what's going on, or why they are
both being so cold to her. Dan tells her she has until midnight to
decide, and they walk away.

Jenny takes a text from Eric, asking how she's doing after the blowout
with her mom. That's everybody! All that's left is Blair. Juliet gives
Serena's resume to Vanessa, telling her to get it to Ann. Tell her that
Serena would like to be considered for the position. Gossip Girl
announces that the battle between Brooklyn and the Upper East Side has
finally come to a head. Vanessa can't believe that Nate and Dan still
left the ball in Serena's court. Jenny says they won't leave it up to
Serena. They'll make the decision for her. She says "Take off your
clothes and take out your credit card." Gossip Girl says that the forces
of evil are just getting started.

The Saints & Sinners ball is getting off to a fantastic start. Jenny and
Juliet arrive looking like the Witches of Eastwick. Juliet takes off her
cloak and puts on a mask. She'll see Jenny inside. Dan and Nate arrive,
wish each other luck, and mask up. Juliet tells the guest list manager
that she's Serena. She tells Jenny that should stop Serena long enough
for them to make her life a living hell. Jenny and Juliet are wearing
matching gowns and masks. Vanessa says she handled the resume situation,
but Blair's not at the meeting. Juliet tells her that Blair is at
Chuck's party. Now she just needs to figure out a way to move the board
there, so Blair gets knocked out of the running. She gives Vanessa some
convoluted excuse, allegedly from Blair, to show her dedication to Girls
Inc, but it's at the ball. She also tells Vanessa to show more
initiative, since Jenny is carrying her on this thing. Blair thinks
she's pouring her heart out to Serena, and she gives all her secret
Chuck information to Jenny.

Lily fills Rufus in on what happened at boarding school. He goes to bat
in Serena's defense. Just because it happened then doesn't mean it's
happening now. Jenny/Serena kisses Nate and walks away.The man at the
door stops Serena, as he claims she's already inside. Juliet/Serena
kisses Dan, and walks away. Now both friends think Serena chose them.
Jenny watches Blair and Chuck steal away together. She confronts him
about those three little words. If he meant them, she wants to know.
When he doesn't answer immediately, she assumes he didn't, but he
corrects her misapprehension. As they kiss, Jenny opens the curtain so
everybody sees them together. Blair assumes it's Serena, as do Dan and
Nate. Rather than separate, Blair and Chuck kiss. Gossip Girl shows
picks of both Dan and Nate kissing "Serena" at the ball.

Ann wants nothing to do with Blair. She says she knows it's not fair,
but Chuck is a bad reflection on her. She asks Blair to tell Serena that
while they appreciate her interest in the position, she's not the type
of girl they're looking for, either. Chuck says at least Ann was polite
but Blair excuses herself so she can go find Serena.

Nate and Dan tell Serena it's over. They both choose to walk away from
her. Blair confronts her about what all she's done tonight. Ann
Archibald doesn't want her to as the face of her foundation. Thanks to
Serena's shenanigans, she doesn't want either of them. Blair should have
known better than to think Serena would ever be happy for her success.
She turns and walks away. Eric tells her he cares but Serena says it's
not enough. She leaves.

Casey tells Chuck he was right. Blair wasn't a bad move. Now she can be
Chuck Bass' girlfriend. Blair says this won't work for her, and walks away.

Juliet puts her 'drunken friend' in a cab.

Chuck catches up with Blair and she tells him she wants to be secretary
of state Hillary, not first lady Hilary. She says she needs to follow
her head for awhile, not her heart. He says he loves her and she says
the same. She doesn't expect him to wait. He says they'll find their way
back, and they part.

Jenny tells Vanessa good night. Vanessa texts Juliet again, but Juliet
ignores it. Instead, she uses Serena's phone to withdraw from Columbia.

Dan and Nate go play some video games.

Lily gets a call from Dean Ruther, giving her a head's up on "Serena's"
decision. Serena is 18, so Lily can't do anything about it.


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