You Snooze, You Bruise - Recap

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The scene opens, and Max is extolling the virtues of the gym. Jane, Brad and Alex note that he fails to ever mention actually working out no matter how many times they ask. Jane can’t wait for an answer because there’s a meeting of the Homeowner’s Association of which she is unanimous 2-term president because “…it makes more sense to give someone complete power to suppress opposition and criticism.” Dave notes this is the definition of a fascist, but Jane is unrepentant. Brad also enjoys her position because of the benefits that befall him as “First Gentleman” including bribes of ham in exchange for parking spots. Penny arrives and immediately asks why Max is dressed like Josh Brolin from Goonies.

While Dave works out, Max simply reads despite apparently having the very flamboyant Derek as his person trainer. Then again, he’s also apparently not paying a large amount of past due fees either, much to Derek’s chagrin. When Dave gets off his machine for a second it’s taken by an SNL cast member who calls him a bitch and tells him to walk away. Dave comments to Max and Derek that he’s just doing it to impress girls, but Max says the bully is gay and hits on him, but he can do much better. This leads to a fairly vicious round robin of Max insisting he’s hotter, Dave maintaining he’s not and Derek flat out stating, “You’re both fat.” Max then accurately points out Dave didn’t think a bully couldn’t be gay.

Jane thanks the members of the Homeowners Association for their help while their expressions clearly show that she crushed their spirits. She promises their garden will be better than The Secret Garden “but without that sick kid”. When one last person dares to suggest an idea Jane crushes it so without mercy that shocks even Penny. Penny suggests that she sleep on new ideas but Jane doesn’t understand because she’d lose her soul-crushing steam that way. “That’s the point,” Penny replies. Like Derek, Brad questions if Dave weren’t actually called “bitch” in a good way. Suddenly Max is now into the guy because now he’s a “bad boy.” Dave complained to the manager, which Alex disapproves of because “snitches get stitches” and apparently she feels this way because she was a bully which Brad and Max mock until she threatens them.

A flashback demonstrates Alex getting her growth spurt before the rest of the kids and using it to her ruthless advantage. Dave comes into the gym to see Derek and Max apparently running in slow motion on the treadmill and they actually call it “Homo slo-mo” mainly because it rhymes. The bully apparently apologizes, but the second the manager steps away, he does in fact tell him “Snitches get stitches” threatening Dave again, leaving Max torn between his friend and the bully. Penny again stops by to see Jane, who is now under siege as the guy she crushed is now running against her for president with a poster that reads, “Defeat our common enemy.” Penny encourages her to give sleeping it on a chance to quell the rebellion and Jane has a chance to practice this when someone stops by to suggest gazebos for the roof garden.

It nearly kills her to say it, but she agrees to sleep on it. She actually does and wakes up at 5:30 in the morning actually open to the idea of gazebos. Dave returns to the gym and Max is worried if the bully beats him up it might be “too sexy.” Dave tries to talk to the bully in classic sensitive Oprah speak and only gets a punch in the face for his trouble. Given confronting him was Alex’s idea, Dave asks her what he should do now and she says if she were still a bully she’d hit him in the face with a free weight and then knock out 50 pushups to celebrate. Max on the other hand says he should quit, but Dave says he can never quit—he tried but he insulted the manager making it impossible. “There’s only one thing that’s going to work,” Alex says. “You gotta to go back to the gym and fight him.” Dave agrees.

Penny apparently spends a lot of time at Brad & Jane’s because she’s there again to find an oddly relaxed Jane, which Brad and Penny test by doing things like eating food on the couch or in Brad’s case taking The Atlantic Monthly into the bathroom to do his business. “Poopin’.” New Jane remains unfazed. Dave waits for the manager at the gym but notices the bully picking on others and confronts him, challenging him to a fight in the parking lot the next day at 3. This oddly denigrates into a “monkey off” in the gym, which the bully proudly states that he wins. “Better monkey!” Jane has let the apartment go to seed in her newly relaxed state. There’s no food because she didn’t shop and Brad is forbidden to shop alone.

She now permits it, telling him “You be awight, dawg.” Her day plan is to “Take a nap and buzz one out,” Brad’s ham contact shows up and complains that Jane’s new lax rule has the place falling apart and he’s not getting anymore ham until its back on track. Penny and Alex are discussing Dave’s unlikely fight prospects when Brad shows up dressed like his top half is “a museum fundraiser and my bottom half is selling fuzzy burritos in a parking lot outside of a Widespread Panic concert” Apparently only Jane knows which dry cleaners they use. He wants the old Jane back and only Alex knows how to fix it: having Penny hold her down while she [Alex] describes all the incredibly tacky things the neighbors want to do to the rooftop garden.

Even Michael is there to try to bring her back because “The people in this building are animals. Somebody, somebody is tutoring in our condo,” and this math tutoring thing is clearly an issue because it brings Jane back. Dave and Max arrive at the gym to fight and people are gathered to watch. Dave makes a speech about standing up for himself—which inspires Derek to punch the bully out. “You’re like the straight Patrick Henry, “he tells Dave. Of course now Max is suddenly interested in Derek. As they step over the bully’s body to go to coffee, Dave asks about Patrick Henry being gay. “A lot of the founding fathers were gay. You should watch the Gay History Channel,” Max suggests. “It’s called Bravo,” Derek adds. The episode ends.