Beards - Recap

The scene opens with Elka and Melanie in the kitchen freezing. Victoria comes in and tells them that now that she is a gay celebrity, she has been invited to take a Caribbean Cruise and give a talk to other lesbians. Elka asks how the food is, but Victoria doesn’t care because she is going to be talking to the influential lesbians of Hollywood. Joy comes in and tells everyone that her car got caught in a snow drift and an attractive man came in and asked her out on a date. She tells them that she had to say no because she is married already to Victoria. She tells her that she will get a divorce after Victoria has milked everything of this. Victoria tells Joy that she is going to take her on a Cruise. Joy agrees to go, but realizes that it is a function. She refuses to go until Victoria says that she will give her the Duchen Fraire, a designer purse. She agrees to go. Elka says that she is going to go too because it is warm. Melanie realizes that she is going to have to go too.

They get on the cruise ship and Victoria gets the itinerary. Elka comes up and says that she has already had two meals. Victoria asks why Elka is wearing a moo-moo. She says that it is a cruise moo-moo. It may be loose now, but in six days, it will be skin tight. Captain Daboe comes up to them and talks to Victoria. She ignores the others and is immediately attracted to him. Elka laughs and says that they are not good at being gay. Melanie goes to get them drinks when Caroline, Melanie’s sister, shows up behind her. She says that she didn’t know that Melanie was gay like her. Caroline’s girlfriend, Nan, comes up and they introduce each other. Joy and Victoria get to their cabin and Captain Daboe comes in and invites them to dinner with him. Victoria goes into the other room and Joy comes clean that she isn’t gay. He says that he sensed that. They make a time for them to meet again.

Melanie comes in and says that she met up with her sister who she hasn’t spoken to in years. She tells them that she thinks that she is gay and that she doesn’t want to tell her because it will hurt her. Melanie needs to pretend and they look to Elka to pretend to be Melanie’s girlfriend. She looks at Melanie and says that she really isn’t her type. Victoria says that Joy is needed in the other room because she is gayer then her. Captain Daboe says that he knows that Victoria is not gay. He says that her secret is safe with him. She tells him that they will meet at 1700 hours and she cries and says that she doesn’t know when that is. Melanie meets with Caroline and says that there were no signs that Caroline was gay. She says that she had a few on Melanie. Elka comes up and calls Melanie her lover. Caroline says that she has so many questions. Elka says that she is rich and Caroline says that she doesn’t have any more questions. Elka leaves to eat again. Caroline says that they should call up their parents. She goes off to get drinks and Nan asks Melanie if she is happy with Elka. She says that if she wants to be with her, then she is happy to be too. Melanie is shocked at her proposal since she is dating Caroline.

Joy waits for Captain Daboe and Melanie comes in for advice. However, she kicks her out. Captain Daboe comes in and they kiss. Victoria comes up and Captain Daboe hides in the bathroom. Victoria goes in and finds him in the shower. He says that he was waiting for her. Victoria kisses him and leaves. She tries to get Joy out of there, but Joy tells her that they can do something together and it is clear that none are happy. Joy tells Victoria that she forgot something and goes into the bathroom. She asks if Victoria saw him and he says that she didn’t. She kisses him and tells him to meet her later. She kisses him again and leaves. He leaves and Melanie asks if he could give her “something” and he leaves. Caroline is behind her and has seen the entire thing. She can’t believe that she lied to her. She tells her that she didn’t want to have something that was going to tear them apart again. They laugh toward the end of their talk and reminisce.

Later at the meeting, Joy and Caroline are talking more and Caroline says that she broke it off with Nan and says that she kept saying that she and Melanie will still be friends. Melanie sees that Joy has beard burn and she runs off to put makeup on it. She goes up to Victoria and she has it too. They begin to argue and the women in the other room can hear them. Melanie texts her and tells her that her microphone is on. They come out and admit that Victoria isn’t gay, but she is sorry that she lied and says that Joy is the friendliest. Joy says that she is keeping the bag. Victoria says that she is not and they argue. Melanie says that it is bad luck for the Captain to only romance two women. The episode ends.

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