God and Football - Recap

The scene opens with Melanie walking into the locker room of the Brown’s for the Woman’s Day Column. She goes up to Jimmy Armstrong, the kicker of the Browns. He asks if Elka is a writer too and Melanie says that she brought her along because it is going to be her birthday. Elka says that she is going to be 90-years-old and asks to squeeze Jimmy’s chest. He allows her to and Elka says that she is going to go around the locker room. Melanie asks Jimmy questions about the game and he says that he kicked a record breaking field goal and asks if she wants to see the ball that he did it with. He calls over to a teammate to toss the ball and he tosses it at Melanie and it hits her in the face. The next scene shows Melanie in the hospital with Victoria hovering over her asking if she knows what day and year it is. Melanie asks what she is doing and Joy says that Victoria thinks that she has amnesia. The doctor says that she doesn’t, but Victoria says that she is an expert at this because her character on “The Edge of Tomorrow” had it three times. Victoria asks if there are free things that they can get with the insurance. The doctor says that he has a new CT scanner that scans the entire body. Elka says that she never got a physical in her life and Joy says that she will do it with Elka.

Jimmy comes in and says “Knock Knock”. He says that is his “thing” that he does. He asks her if she wants to go out to dinner tonight and she says that she does. He leaves and Melanie can’t believe that a professional football player asks her out. A nurse comes in and asks if that was Jimmy Armstrong and Melanie brags about her date with him. The nurse says that she is the envy of all women and says that if she was on life support she would kick out the plug right now. She asks them if they have Type AB Negative blood because a Carnie got drunk and fired the human cannonball into a car full of clowns. Joy tells the nurse that Victoria has that blood type, but Victoria refuses. Elka tells her that it feels good to be nice. Victoria sees the option to have a TV crew in the room to cover the story. The doctor comes up to Elka and Joy later and tells Elka that she could use a little Calcium, but she is fine. Joy asks about her and the doctor says that she is fine and calls her Elka. Realizing that he switched the results, he is marveled that Elka is healthier than Joy. She asks about her and the doctor says that he just confused her with a 90-year-old woman. He gives Joy a pamphlet and tells her that she has to watch her drinking, smoking and even having sex.

The nurse comes up to the doctor and tells him that they are ready for him. He says “Send in the Clowns” and realizes that they are there. Victoria gets her blood drawn and tells the nurse to do it again because the news crew isn’t there. The nurse offers her cookies and orange juice. However, because the cookies are not fat free and the orange juince vodka-free, she declines. The news crew comes and Victoria stands up and then falls over. She wakes up in heaven and a spotlight is put on her. She realizes that she is in heaven and sees Elka there. She realizes that Elka is God. Elka says that she meant to bring a different Victoria and tells Victoria to move away from the light. She asks Elka if she will get into heaven. Elka tells her to move away from the light. She asks Elka who she has to sleep with to get an Oscar. Victoria says that she wishes that she could take back sleeping with Quinton Teratino. She leaves heaven and comes to in a hospital bed. Joy tells Victoria that she fell over. Joy tells about her test results and Elka says that she is immortal. Victoria asks where her halo is and heavenly iPad.

Victoria tells Elka that she dreamt that Elka was God. Elka smiles and says that she is God. Victoria laughs and asks what she is thinking. Elka says that she is wishing that she was more famous and Victoria is shocked for a moment, but says that anyone could have guessed that. Elka says that she knows about her original nose and the fact that she slept with Quinton Teratino. Elka tell Victoria that she needs to be kind to people and volunteer. Later, Joy is back at the house and is eating vegetables. Melanie goes up to her and says that she is proud of her. Joy doesn’t like it, but Melanie ignores it. Joy tells that Victoria and Elka are at a soup kitchen and doesn’t understand that. Melanie brags that she was seen with Jimmy. Joy says that he is dumber then a bunch of rocks.

Jimmy comes over and takes her out to dinner. He says that he was thinking. Melanie laughs and goes along with it. Jimmy says that he is going to quit football before the season ends. However, Melanie says that he should finish the season. He says that he could finish the season and asks what the worse that could happen. The next scene shows Jimmy in the hospital with a broken foot. She apologizes and Jimmy says that now they can spend time as regular people. He asks her if she wants to go back to the Spongebob Marathon or talk about whether they want to come back as a Shrimp or a Clam. Melanie comes home and says that Jimmy is dumb. She sees Victoria without makeup and her original hair color. Joy says that ever since she stopped drinking everyone looks bad. Melanie asks how she is going to get rid of Jimmy and Joy suggests that she get a tramp to seduce Jimmy. Melanie asks Joy to be that tramp and she, despite being called a tramp, agrees. Victoria asks Elka if that is a sin and she says that it is fine with her.

Joy goes in and attempts to seduce Jimmy, but because she gave up smoking, she has flem still. He tells her to come and help him find the differences. Melanie comes in and asks what Joy is doing in bed with Jimmy and then realizes that she isn’t in bed. She comes clean and tells Jimmy that she is sorry. Jimmy has no trouble getting another girlfriend and asks the nurse. Later the girls celebrate Elka’s 90th birthday and she says thank you. Elka says that Joy needs to start drinking again because she is hard to take without alcohol. Victoria agrees and says that strait from God’s lips. Melanie laughs and says that Elka put her through that for a joke. Elka says that she needed a push in the right direction. Victoria agrees and says that she will keep doing it. Elka says that if she was God, her birthday wish would come true. She blows out the candles and asks what they are still doing there. They laugh and the episode ends.

Written By David Sibert

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