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1 :01x01 - Pilot
Writer: Suzanne Martin
Director: Michael Lembeck
Guest star: Tim Bagley (Relator), John Schneider (Hank), Chris Marrs (Bill), Eileen O'Connell (Flight Attendant), Diane Sellers (Brianna), Bil Dwyer (Anders), Patrick Faucette (James), Veronica Taylor (Kim)
Three best friends from Los Angeles (hopeless romantic Melanie, cynical businesswoman Joy, aging actress Victoria) are flying to Paris when their plane makes an emergency landing in Cleveland. Realizing that the social norms from SoCal no longer apply -- and thrilled by their liberating possibilities in Ohio -- they decide to celebrate a city that values 'real women' and stay where they're considered hot.
2 :01x02 - Who's Your Mama?
Writer: Suzanne Martin
Director: Andy Cadiff
Guest star: Dave Giuntoli (Tyler), Jack Donner (Arthur), Ben Kronen (Sal)
Joy suspects she might be dating the son she gave up for adoption, meanwhile, Melanie convinces Elka to get back in the dating game and Victoria spends too much time at the Big 'n Easy warehouse store.
3 :01x03 - Birthdates
Writer: Vanessa McCarthy
Director: Andy Cadiff
Guest star: George Newbern (Bill), D. W. Moffett (Chester), Robert Gant (Steve), Carl Reiner (Max), Cesili Williams (Waitress)
It is the girls' birthdays and they decide that it would be a good idea to set each other on blind dates as a present. They draw names and get dates that the girls have an "interesting time" with. Only one actually hits it off well and could possibly have a future with. Which one could it be?
4 :01x04 - The Sex That Got Away
Writer: Anne Flett-Giordano, Chuck Ranberg
Director: David Trainer
Guest star: Huey Lewis (Johnny Revere), Shaughn Buchholz (Bartender), Amy Yasbeck (Hailey Nash), Michelle Noh (Cynthia), Vincent Ward (Bodyguard)
Victoria is feeling the results of her age as she strains herself adjusting her bra and Melanie gets to meet her idol Hailey Nash in person at the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame. Victoria meets up with an old flam Johnny Revere (Huey Lewis) and the encounter deems to be less easier then when they were younger.
5 :01x05 - Good Neighbors
Writer: Chris Marcil, Sam Johnson
Director: David Trainer
Guest star: Carl Reiner (Max), Wayne Knight (Rick), Robin Thede (Janet), Greg Winter (Neighbor)
Melanie's wants to throw a party for the neighbors and get to know them but in the while, messes up and has to correct a wrong that she made. Only not everything goes according to plan. Elka makes a decision to do something with her body that doesn't play in her favor.
6 :01x06 - Meet the Parents
Writer: Liz Feldman
Director: Andy Cadiff
Guest star: Hal Linden (Alex), Juliet Mills (Philipa), Shirley Knight (Loretta)
When Melanie gets word that her mother is coming for a visit she enlists Victoria to invite her dad as well. Things get a little personal and Melanie and Victoria tell off their parents only to find that later on their parents take a liking to each other. Meanwhile, Elka buddies with Joy's mother and video conferences with her.
7 :01x07 - It's Not That Complicated
Writer: Chuck Ranberg, Anne Flett-Giordano
Director: David Trainer
Guest star: Tim Conway (Nick), David Starzyk (Pete Szymborska), Carl Reiner (Max), Bil Dwyer (Anders), Samantha Martin (Jenna), Nicole Randall Johnson (Elenore)
When Melanie's ex-husband comes to woo her, Joy and Victoria can't help but get too involved. Meanwhile, Elka must decide between two senior suitors. Guest Stars: Tim Conway, Carl Reiner
8 :01x08 - The Play's the Thing
Writer: Chris Marcil, Samuel Johnson
Director: Gil Junger
Guest star: Gary Anthony Williams (Coach Taylor), David Starzyk (Pete Szymborska), Mark Indelicato (Zack Adams), Michaela Carrozzo (Gina), Connor Diliberto (Romeo), Joel Lambert (Handsome Guy), Chelsea Ricketts (Francesca)
When Victoria volunteers with a local high school play, the students wind up doing her version of 'Romeo and Juliet.' Meanwhile, Melanie's hot new romance strains her friendship with Joy, and Elka goes funeral crashing. Guest Star: Mark Indelicato
9 :01x09 - Good Luck Faking the Goiter
Writer: Suzanne Martin
Director: Gil Junger
Guest star: Dave Foley (Dr. Moore), Joe Jonas (Will), Michael Richard Robinson (Waiter), Carole Gutierrez (Dr. Hernandez)
During a visit from Melanie's secretive son, she invades his privacy and learns a little too much about him. Meanwhile, when Victoria is nominated for an Emmy, Elka helps her fake a deadly disease to gain sympathy and votes. Guest Star: Joe Jonas
10 :01x10 - Tornado
Writer: Vanessa McCarthy
Director: Gil Junger
Guest star: Susan Lucci (Herself), Rand Holdren (Nooner), David Starzyk (Pete Szymborska), Stephen Holland (Antique Expert)
While taking shelter from a tornado in Elka's basement, Victoria, Melanie and Joy discover a surprising secret about her.
Meanwhile, Joy discusses her 'nooner', Victoria discusses her Emmy nomination and Melanie discusses the last thing she said to Pete.
Behind the Hotness
Valerie Bertinelli, Jane Leeves, Wendie Malick, and Betty White are joined by the many guest stars of season one and take a look back at the most fun moments of the first season of Hot in Cleveland and share a behind-the-scenes preview of the second season.
11 :02x01 - Free Elka
Writer: Suzanne Martin
Director: David Trainer
Guest star: Wayne Knight (Rick), Luke Diliberto (Jack), David Starzyk (Pete Szymborska), Diane Michelle (Guard), Tamara Lynn Davis (Sara), Mary Tyler Moore (Diane), Maia Madison (Carol)
Elka's behind bars and sharing her cell with a very familiar face. The other ladies try to raise bail money, but are faced with issues of their own. Joy gets a letter from the INS and a surprising proposal from a neighbor, Melanie's cop boyfriend keeps arresting her friends and Victoria realizes that money is everything when she loses her fortune. Guest Stars: Wayne Knight, Mary Tyler Moore
12 :02x02 - Bad Bromance
Writer: Chris Marcil, Sam Johnson
Director: David Trainer
Guest star: John Schneider (Hank), David Starzyk (Pete Szymborska), Bonnie Franklin (Mrs. Szymborska), Wayne Knight (Rick)
When Melanie meets her boyfriend's family, she finds two big obstacles -- his mother and brother. Meanwhile, Joy's green-card scam with neighbor Rick goes awry, Victoria dates an ancient billionaire and Elka goes on a 24-hour bender. Guest Stars: Bonnie Franklin, Wayne Knight, John Schneider
13 :02x03 - Hot For The Lawyer
Writer: Steve Joe
Director: David Trainer
Guest star: Sherri Shepherd (Judge Lesser), Mark Capri (Justice of the Peace), Mark Deklin (Kirk Stark), Carl Reiner (Max), Paul Hayes (Greg Trimmer)
Elka's handsome lawyer, Kirk, attempts to convince the court she is incompetent to stand trial.
Meanwhile, Melanie, Joy & Victoria compete for his affections while Elka stews over her breakup with Max.
14 :02x04 - Sisterhood of the Traveling Spanx
Writer: Rachel Sweet
Director: David Trainer
Guest star: Melanie Griffith (Herself), Jack Wagner (Doctor)
A pair of 'magic SPANX' come into the ladies' lives and leads them to unexpected adventures. Joy seeks love, but ends up with a much, much younger man. Melanie wants to catch the eye of a doctor and ends up with all eyes on her. Victoria dons the SPANX for a big audition, but ends up in a major catfight with Melanie Griffith. Elka just wants her team, the Cleveland Indians, to win. Guest Stars: Jack Wagner, Melanie Griffith
15 :02x05 - I Love Lucci (1)
Guest star: Jimmy Kimmel (Himself), Darnell Williams (Himself), Peri Gilpin (Herself), Michael E. Knight (Himself), Susan Lucci (Herself)
The ladies return to L.A for the first time since moving to Cleveland. Victoria is appearing on All My Children, but her rivalry with Susan Lucci brings disaster. Meanwhile, Melanie faces selling the house she's raised her kids in, Joy might be dating an actor who has an evil twin, and Elka's on a quest to meet the movie star of her dreams. Guest Stars: Susan Lucci, Michael E. Knight
16 :02x06 - I Love Lucci (2)
Victoria, after injuring Susan Lucci (playing herself), prepares to carry on with her role on All My Children. Joy seeks revenge on the actor she was dating, who pretended to be his own evil twin. Melanie finally agrees to sell her L.A. home, barring one crucial piece. Elka's quest for the movie star of her dreams results in a surprise meeting. Guest Stars: Susan Lucci, Michael E. Knight
17 :02x07 - Dog Tricks, Sex Flicks & Joy's Fix
Joy meets a wonderful guy in the waiting room of her therapist, then steals his file to learn more about him quickly. Meanwhile, Elka tries to train a rescue dog and Victoria tries to jump-start her career by making a sex tape -- with Melanie.
18 :02x08 - LeBron is Le Gone
Melanie dates a basketball coach for the Cavaliers who still isn't over LeBron James leaving Cleveland. Victoria takes a job as a local news personality. And in a last-ditch effort to get her green card, Joy gets engaged to a homeless man. Guest Stars: Jon Lovitz, Isaiah Mustafa
19 :02x09 - Elka's Snowbird
Elka tries to convince Max, who is pining to fly to Florida, that she can keep him warm in the cold Cleveland winter. Melanie, looking to do some meaningful charity work, enlists Joy to help her cook and serve healthy meals at the senior center -- with disastrous results. And Victoria falls hard for a man she meets during an 'Oh Hi, Ohio' interview, only to be thwarted by his two children, who have decided to hate her.Guest Stars: Carl Reiner, Gregory Harrison
20 :02x10 - Law & Elka
Guest star: Mark Deklin (Kirk Stark), Amy Sedaris (Heather), Joe Howard (Amish Man), Stewart Skelton (Driver), Don Perry (Juror #8), Sherri Shepherd (Judge Lesser)
Elka's trial has come at last, and after her lawyer fails to impress the judge, her only hope for a not guilty verdict involves some strategic jury tampering. Meanwhile, Joy is enmeshed in scandal when she does a favor for the First Lady of Ohio. By the end of the episode Elka's fate will be decided -- what will the verdict be? Guest Stars: Sherri Shepherd, Amy Sedaris
21 :02x11 - Where's Elka?
Guest star: Amy Sedaris (Heather), Sherri Shepherd (Judge Lesser), Stephen Dunham (Abner), George Wendt (Yoder), Monica Horan (Sarah)
Elka's on the lam and the women go looking for her... in Amish country. Meanwhile, Joy's a source of scandal as the Governor's alleged mistress and risks deportation while Victoria finds herself a little too 'at home' with the Amish.
22 :02x12 - How I Met My Mother
The son that Joy gave up for adoption stops by for a surprise visit. Meanwhile, the women are on high alert when they learn that Victorias prison pen pal is headed their way.Guest Stars: Michael McMillian, Mark Derwin
23 :02x13 - Unseparated at Birthdates
Guest star: Frank Caliendo (Kenny), Steve Lawrence (Jack), Vincent Ventresca (Jesus), John Mahoney (Roy), Patrick Fabian (Richard), Richard Burgi (Timothy)
When the ladies fix each other up on dates, Elka plays dumb to land a rich bachelor, Melanie's date is holier than thou, Joy only likeshers when hes not himself & Victoria gets double what she bargained for. Their new friend Roy helps them through it. Guest Stars: John Mahoney, Steve Lawrence.
24 :02x14 - Battle of the Bands
For a Woman's Day column, Melanie forms a group to compete in a Battle of the Bands contest, an idea embraced by Joy, who, with encouragement from Rick, pursues her childhood dream of becoming a rock star.
25 :02x15 - Love Thy Neighbor
Writer: Sam Johnson, Chris Marcil
Director: Andy Cadiff
Guest star: Tom McGowan (Robert), Wayne Knight (Rick), Mindy Cohn (Cassie), Christopher Mastandrea (Mini Rick)
Melanie asks Rick for help when she thinks Joy may be using drugs. Meanwhile, Elka gives Victoria tips on portraying an older character for a musical version of "Driving Miss Daisy."
26 :02x16 - Dancing Queens
Guest star: Ariel Llinas (Ty), Edward Stanley (Joe), Antonio Sabato, Jr. (Leandro), Doris Roberts (Lydia), Michael Dunn (Matthew), Lex Medlin (Elliot), Keith Pillow (Potential Jeffrey)
When Melanie, Joy & Victoria start missing the gay best friends they left behind in L.A. they decide to find some more in Cleveland. During their night out, Elka finds an old friend who has a secret, Melanie can't find the right gay man, Joy finds a gay man that she hopes won't leave her and Victoria finds a man who thinks she's a drag queen.
27 :02x17 - The Emmy Show
A visit from Victoria's daughter, Emmy, prompts Victoria to ask Elka—and her Irish accent—for help in dissuading Emmy from writing a revealing autobiography about her childhood. Meanwhile, Melanie and Joy share a secret admirer.
28 :02x18 - Arch Enemies
When Victoria has had enough of a prankster in her news group, she and Joy come up with a plan to get the revenge that Victoria wants. Melanie runs into an old date that has developed a foot fetish and she starts to think that dating a "shrimper" isn't that bad, or could it?
29 :02x19 - Too Hot for TV
A Clip Show of all the funny moments on "Hot in Cleveland" and the different blooper reels that the cast have made throughout the two seasons.
30 :02x20 - Indecent Proposals
Melanie decides to write a "casual sex" column and finds out that it is harder then she thought. Elka has an old friend of 20 years come out and has a "booty-call" of her own. Johnny, Victoria's rocker ex-boyfriend comes for a visit.
31 :02x21 - Bridezelka
Elka and Fred get ready for the quiet wedding planning, but when Joy, Melanie and Victoria get involved, Elka turns into Bridezilla. Victoria, in order to make money has a new product form Mrs. Ladypants.
32 :02x22 - Elka's Wedding
In the Season 2 finale, Melanie, Joy and Victoria all wake up to a house in a mess and full of men. They don't remember anything from their wild night. Everything comes back to them and they realize that Elka is missing.
33 :03x01 - Elka's Choice
Guest star: Valerie Azlynn (Libby), Kim Whitley (TBD), Kathie Lee Gifford (Crystal)
In the Season 3 premiere, Elka faces a choice of three suitors: her fiancé, Fred; her ex-boyfriend Max; and Bobby, the husband she thought was dead. Meanwhile, Victoria gets some mileage out of her marriage to Joy in a TV appearance.
34 :03x02 - Beards
Guest star: Laura San Giacomo (Caroline), Sandra Bernhard (Nan), Gilles G. Marini (Capt. Lebeau)
Victoria brings Joy, Melanie and Elka along for the ride when she's a guest speaker on a gay cruise, where Melanie has a surprise reunion with her estranged sister, and Victoria and Joy's lesbian facade could come crashing down when they meet the ship's handsome captain.
35 :03x03 - Funeral Crashers
Elka teaches the ladies how to go funeral crashing to find the dress lost by Melanie's dry cleaner; Elka has a reunion with a man from her past.
36 :03x04 - Happy Fat
The ladies treat their neighbors to makeovers, while Elka adjusts to dating a younger man.
37 :03x05 - One Thing or a Mother
The ladies host a dinner party to solve their dating dilemmas, which include Roy's mother's hatred of Elka, Victoria's hand-model boyfriend and Melanie's boyfriend's resemblance to Winnie the Pooh.
38 :03x06 - How Did You Guys Meet, Anyway?
While waiting in line for the bathroom at a Cleveland sporting event, Elka hears the story of how Melanie, Joy and Victoria met in Los Angeles in the 1980s.
39 :03x07 - Two Girls and a Rhino
Joy and Elka camp out at the zoo to help save an endangered species of rhinoceros. Meanwhile, Melanie dates a senator; and Victoria goes out with a janitor.
40 :03x08 - God and Football
Melanie scores a date with the Browns' kicker when she takes Elka to the team's locker room on her 90th birthday. Meanwhile, Joy and Elka get surprising news on the medical front; and a brush with death convinces Victoria of Elka's divinity.
41 :03x09 - Love Is Blind
Victoria's daughter, Emmy, arrives for a visit with the news that she and Melanie's son, Will, are engaged. Meanwhile, Joy's blind boyfriend thinks she's 26; and Elka has a ball prank calling the New York Yankee's third baseman.
42 :03x10 - Life With Lucci
Victoria's enemy Susan Lucci comes looking for support after the cancellation of "All My Children," but Victoria warns her friends that the soap star is not to be trusted. Meanwhile, Elka talks hoops with Baron Davis of the NBA's Cleveland Cavaliers.
43 :03x11 - I'm With the Band
Victoria takes a trip down memory lane when her old flame Johnny Revere comes to Cleveland to record a song for charity. Meanwhile, Elka wants a lock of a singer's hair for a good cause; Joy wonders what life is like as a rock star; and Melanie chases a musical idol.
44 :03x12 - Lost Loves
Valentine's Day inspires the women to look for their lost loves, including the man who jilted Joy at the altar.
45 :03x13 - Tangled Web
The ladies seek refuge at a lake house after Victoria loses a poisonous spider that belongs to her ex-husband; Melanie's potential new beau turns out to be Joy's former fiancé.
46 :03x14 - Hot & Heavy
Eyeing an opportunity to win a Newsie Award, Victoria dons a fat suit at Overeaters Anonymous, and Elka comes along to claim she lost 600 pounds. Meanwhile, Joy dates a man who's not exactly her type; and Melanie meets a new guy in an unusual place.
47 :03x15 - Rubber Ball
Melanie, Joy and Victoria want to join a renowned country club, but Elka's history with the club president could hinder their plans.
48 :03x16 - Everything Goes Better With Vampires
Guest star: Marco Antonio Martinez (Officer Mitch), Rhea Perlman (Jacki), Georgia Engel (Mamie), Rick Springfield (Tom), Craig Bierko (Donald)
Melanie dates a professor who makes her feel dumb; Victoria wants to get rid of the housekeeper; Elka's frustrated by her writing partner; Joy goes out with a guy she thinks is Rick Springfield.
49 :03x17 - Claus, Tails & High Pitched Males: Birthdates 3
On another round of "birthdates," Elka thinks her date is Santa Claus; Victoria is reunited with Capt. Lebeau; Melanie goes out with a guy with a high-pitched voice; and Joy is a man's first date since leaving the priesthood.
50 :03x18 - Cruel Shoes
Victoria tries designing shoes and uses Melanie and Joy as runway models, but Elka is more anxious to see the latest in tracksuits. Meanwhile, Joy dates a man who lives life to the fullest.
51 :03x19 - Bye George, I Think He's Got It!
Elka's twin sister returns for a visit; Joy accepts a proposal from her terminally ill boyfriend; a billionaire wants a makeover from Melanie and Victoria to make him attractive to women.
52 :03x20 - The Gateway Friend
Guest star: Japheth Gordon (Cameron), Nancy Berggren (80-Year-Old Victoria), Kristin Chenoweth (Courtney), Josh Cribbs (Himself), Jonathan Silverman (Dr. Minton)
The ladies need to get a friend visiting from Los Angeles back together with her boyfriend—a popular Beverly Hills dermatologist—if they hope to ever have another appointment with him.
53 :03x21 - Some Like It Hot
The cast and crew look back at the favorite moments and best bloopers from the third season.
54 :03x22 - Storage Wars
An abandoned storage unit up for bid contains an important historical artifact that calls for Artie Firestone's expertise. Meanwhile, Joy befriends a truck driver and learns how to operate a CB.
55 :03x23 - When You Open a Door
Victoria's plans to bring her canceled soap opera, "Edge of Tomorrow," back to life in the digital age hinges on the series creator's approval and participation from the actor who played Honor St. Raven's ex-husband.
56 :03x24 - Blow Outs
When Melanie's hair blow out lasts unusually long, Joy and Victoria demand to know who's blowing her.