Amber: Aren't you curious about why I'm here?
Dr. House: Curious why no French maid's outfit. No spanky pants.
Amber: I'm a hallucination... not a fantasy.
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Amber: That might explain why you're hallucinating. Doesn't explain why you're hallucinating Wilson's dead girlfriend.
Dr. House: Probably just my secret and very unconscious desire to get Wilson into my bedroom.
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Dr. House: I need a 'scrip for sleeping pills. My neighbor's dog been keeping me awake, and seems strangely invulnerable to poison.
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Dr. House: Listen, two things I do well. Bachelor parties rank towards the top.
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(watching a stripper)
Dr. Foreman: You know what a "broken cowboy" is? It was on House's list of requirements.
Dr. Hadley: I have three theories.
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Dr. House: Yeah, by all means abandon a great diagnostic theory because it's difficult to prove.
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Dr. Wilson: The main reason my third wife and I eloped was to avoid House's bachelor party. Have you seen Caligula?
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Dr. House: So, and I see no logical way around this, if you want your marriage to matter, you have to be a wanton, trolling, muck-covered pig the day before.
Dr. Chase: You're evil. See ya.
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Dr. Wilson: Uh, I'm not going to the bachelor party. Every time I go to one of your parties, I end up embarrassing myself in some new and unexpected way.
Dr. House: That whole thing with the duck was hardly unexpected.
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Dr. House: My patient is opting into a handicap! It's an insult to all the other gimps out there.
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Dr. House: Huh. I figured by now you'd be at the board in your monocle and jodhpurs.
Dr. Foreman: Yeah, you did something stupid. Quick, better mock someone.
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Dr. House: Why aren't you in my office?
Dr. Wilson: Because I know what the word "my" means?
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(to House)
Dr. Wilson: You did it to make his life better. It was a caring act. Which you did in a way that was immoral and illegal, but... baby steps.
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Dr. Foreman: You were right about the heart. Should have listened to you.
Dr. House: The correct phrasing would be, "I should always listen to you."
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