Dr. House: I quit.
Dr. Foreman: You can't quit.
Dr. House: I think you're confusing me with Jake Gyllenhaal.

Dr. House: I'm sorry. I know this will affect both of you.. and Thirteen... and the one with the nose.

Dr. Cuddy: But House was a genius.
Dr. Foreman: House was an egotistical pill-popping lawsuit magnet... and a genius.

Dr. Cameron: You know how House feels about people touching his ball.
Dr. Foreman: No. Chase refuses to tell me.
Dr. Cameron: Right. My husband's gay. Witty.

Dr. House: You already made me get a roommate. Wilson's got one bedroom. We can't get any more connected without unzipping.

Instructor: In a lot of ways, cooking is like music. Different elements combine to make a symphony.
Dr. House: Difference is that Beethoven's 5th isn't going to be poop tomorrow.
Dr. Wilson: What was my one condition for allowing you to tag along?
Dr. House: "Try not to be a jerk". I'm trying. I'm just failing.
Dr. Wilson: Roll your meatballs and keep an open mind. (House smiles) How hard are you trying not to make a ball joke right now?
Dr. House: They're smoking. Your balls.
Dr. Wilson: Oh! Ow. No, no. They're browning way too fast.
Dr. House: Blue is the color you've got to watch out for.
Dr. Wilson: Enough. My god, they're... they're still raw inside. By the time they're cooked through, the outside will be burned.
Dr. House: I think there's a medicated powder for that.

Dr. Wilson: Did you even go to bed last night?
Dr. House: Bed is for sissies, unless you're having sex. In which case.. no, bed is still for sissies.

Dr. Hadley: This might be the best thing I've ever eaten. (House smirks) And, yes, I'm including what you're thinking of now.

Dr. Wilson: You said it was keeping your mind off the pain.
Dr. House: That was before I discovered the Biggest Loser marathon on cable. I like to pretend they can see me eating.

Dr. Foreman: I brought you a doughnut. The florist was closed.
Dr. Hadley: I'll get a vase and put it in water.

(to Cuddy)
Dr. House: Et tu, butte?