Dr. Foreman: Notice anything odd about the shape of the fluid collection?
Dr. House: Oh, God, it's... the Virgin Mary.

Driver: What, you think I'm gonna rob the place?
Dr. Hadley: No, of course not.
Driver: In case you haven't noticed, I have a job.
Dr. Hadley: You're either honest or dishonest. I figured the safer choice is...
Driver: To treat a total stranger like an ass. Nice way to live your life. Bitch.

Dr. Hadley: Stay out of my life.
Dr. House: Okay.
Dr. Hadley: I know you canceled my reservation. You obviously saw me log on when you were spying on me at the coffee shop.
Dr. House: I was talking to you. I was spying on the MILF in the running shorts.

Dr. Cameron: I just don't see why you have to deny it.
Dr. Chase: I'm not.
Dr. Cameron: Now you're denying you're denying.
Dr. Chase: No, I'm denying that there's anything to deny.

Roy Randall: Are you Dr. House?
Dr. House: I understand you're a big fan. I'll have my guy send over a signed glossy.

Dr. House: People don't get what they deserve. They just get what they get. There's nothing any of us can do about it.

Dr. Hadley: Thanks.
Dr. Wilson: You're welcome. For what?
Dr. Hadley: For thinking I was worth breaking the law to keep around.
Dr. Wilson: That's just the way I am. But still don't know what you're talking about.

(to House)
Dr. Chase: Whether you want to be in charge or not... you are, and you always will be.

Title: Instant Karma

Karma is the Hindu concept of "what goes around, comes around", that you get from the universe what you give to it (though not always right away). Instant Karma is a sort of riff on the idea of instant coffee -- you get it now, not "sooner or later" as with the Hindu karma. The exact title ties to a classic John Lennon "solo single" song, that is one tied to no album (atypical of the time). The single was released in 1970 and is one of three that Lennon did, along with Imagine and Give Peace a Chance, in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.

Dr. House: You should try searching for "Misty May Digs for Gold."

House is referring to Olympic beach volleyball player Misty May-Treanor, and the headline which referred to her winning the gold medal at the Beijing Olympics in 2008.

Dr. House: Because I was born with a heart three sizes too small.

Referencing Dr. Seuss' How The Grinch Stole Christmas. The Grinch, whose heart is three sizes too small, decides to steal Christmas from the neighboring Whos, but finds love and happiness when he realizes that the spirit of Christmas can't be stolen.

Dr. House: I was talking to you. I was spying on the MILF in the running shorts.

A MILF is a "Mom I'd Like to F***" a term first popularized by the 1999 movie American Pie, and refers generally to any mature woman (typically 30+ years of age) who, despite her age, is still quite sexually attractive. Offspring are implied but not actually required -- maturity is the prime component.