A woman, Margaret McPherson, is at home watching a horror movie as it rains outside. She hears something and goes to investigate, and discovers that the front door is open. Margaret calls out for her husband, Billy, but doesn't see anyone outside. Back inside, Margaret calls Billy, who says that she should go to the neighbor if she has any doubts. Margaret insists that she's fine and hangs up, but then hears something upstairs again. Grabbing an ornament as a weapon, Margaret goes upstairs and finds a loose door banging in the window. Margaret starts to relax but hears the door downstairs slam shut. She runs down and finds Billy there. He assures her that everything is fine... and watches as she starts vomiting and complaining of stomach pains...Read the full recap
Dr. House: (to the new fellow) What's your position on legality of illegal break-ins?
Dr. Chase: That's more of a second-week type activity.
Dr. Chase: Oh, and she's not like Cameron.
Dr. House: True. Cameron had much smaller breasts. By which I mean she was smarter.
Dr. Wilson: How are things going with Cuddy?
Dr. House: Great. We've gotten to fifth base. That's two home runs, and then she gives me back a triple.
Dr. Wilson: You really like these, or are you just avoiding a touchy conversation?
Dr. House: Nah. This one's too metrosexual. This one's too heterosexual.
Dr. Wilson: They're identical. Do you even want my input?
Dr. House: No.
Dr. Wilson: Then why'd you invite me?
Dr. House: Who'd drive my car home if I buy a bike?
Dr. Taub: Dude, is this about Thirteen?
Dr. Foreman: No. Why are you calling me "dude"?
Dr. Taub: Maybe it's hard seeing House replace her when you've still got feelings?
Dr. Foreman: One--I don't have feelings for Thirteen beyond friendship. Two, it's a temporary replacement. And three--dude?
Dr. Taub: It felt right.
Dr. House: So this time I'm gonna put you at ease. It's just you and old Doc House. A couple of pals chittin' the chat.
Dr. Chase: Why not just place a chair above a trap door with a shark tank underneath?
Dr. House: Wednesday is when I have my shark tank cleaned.
Dr. Foreman: House was wrong trying to come up with a complicated reason you hired Kelly.
Dr. Chase: Thank you.
Dr. Foreman: It's actually quite simple. You think she's hot. You want to sleep with her.
Dr. Chase: Well, it was nice to see you finally taking an interest in my life. We should go bowling sometime.
Dr. Cuddy: What? Did you have sex with her?
Dr. House: Yesterday? Ah, you're getting confused by the hooker thing. No, of course not. I'm dating you.
Dr. Cuddy: But you used to have sex with her.
Dr. House: Well, it was a massage plus happy ending sort of thing. Now it's more of a sad ending. (cheerfully) Because of you!
Dr. Cuddy: What are you doing?
Dr. House: I got bored with the porn on my computer. You got any girl on girl on girl on vibrating object on girl stuff?
Dr. Cuddy: Let's stay at my place tonight, okay?
Dr. House: Will you get cable?
Dr. Cuddy: No.
Dr. House: Then we'll have to have more sex.
Dr. Cuddy: Okay.
Dr. House: Easy Rider auditions ended four decades ago.
Easy Rider (1969) had two hippies riding motorcycles across the U.S. in a quest for freedom while taking large amounts of drugs.
D. House: Dorothy, dear... it's Auntie Em.
Auntie Em is Dorothy's aunt in the books and movies of The Wizard of Oz.