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House: A Pox on Our House
A young girl on a dive brings up a jar from a sunken slave ship and breaks it, infecting herself with what appears to be smallpox. When House and his team confirm her illness, they call in the CDC, which puts the hospital under quarantine. However, House soon realizes that the girl has something else... but the only way to confirm his diagnosis is to expose himself to the disease. Meanwhile, Wilson and his ex-wife Sam try to tend to a young girl awaiting chemotherapy whose mother is trapped outside by the quarantine.
Slaves aboard a Dutch cargo ship in the late 19th century grow steadily more ill. The crew anchors the ship outside of harbor, and have a doctor come aboard to examine the slaves and confirm that the crew is fine. The ship's crew then starts tossing the ailing slaves over the side. A father asks his friend to serve as father to his son as the Dutch sailors come to take him. However, the local town opens fire, sinking the ship and everyone aboard it...Read the full recap
Dr. House: Why aren't you guys in my office?
Dr. Foreman: Why are you in the building? It's eight in the morning.
Dr. House: Where's Chase?
Dr. Taub: He's not here because it's eight in the morning.
Martha Masters: Smallpox was eradicated over 30 years ago.
Dr. House: So were hush puppies. Have you checked out your local hipster coffee shop lately?
Dr. Taub: The virus can't survive over 200 years.
Dr. House: You have.
Geerte: Oh, yes. My names is Geerte. Are you handsome, sexiest American man?
Dr. House: You know, some people--I would say that I am, yeah.
Dr. House: I want you to translate something for me.
Geerte: Why do you want I translate? I do topless, toys, and...
Martha Masters: Just do the translation.
Dr. House: She can translate however she feels most comfortable.
Geerte: Whatever. You put in credit card.
Dr. Taub: House, the hospital has translators on call.
Dr. House: Shut up...
Martha Masters: Scrofula. That's what they called cervical T.B. lymphadenitis in the 1700s.
Dr. House: Scrofulicous. That's what they called "annoying" in the 1700s.
Dr. Chase: You just tried this. I'm not a better liar than Foreman.
Dr. House: Sure you are. You're descended from convicts.
Martha Masters: You don't trust me.
Dr. House: Going behind your back works better when you're not facing us.
Martha Masters: So I guess honesty is the best policy.
Dr. House: Why'd you say that? Seriously... to establish your viewpoint as if I didn't already know it. Or to demonstrate some weird cross-generational female solidarity with Cuddy?
Martha Masters: Actually, I was just trying to fill the awkward silence.
Dr. House: Oh.
Martha Masters: Julie doesn't have smallpox.
Dr. House: Did I just dream the part where I finally agreed it was smallpox? Well, if what I thought was reality was actually a dream, then the reverse... oh, my God, I had a threesome with Beyonce and Lady Gaga.
Dr. House: Are you a Stepford doctor?
The Stepford Wives was a 1975 movie about the men of a small town who come up with a way to turn their wives into obedient sex robots.
Dr. House: Look, I don't want to go all Godfather on you. This was business.
In the movie The Godfather (1972), Tom Hagen tells Sonny Corleone "This is business, not personal."
Dr. Chase: Your Jedi mind tricks won't work here.
Dr. House: These aren't the droids you're looking for.
The Jedi are the mystic knights of the Star Wars universe, with the ability to control and distract the minds of weak-willed individuals. House's line is from the first movie in the series: Star Wars IV: A New Hope.