Two Stories - Recap

At the exclusive Brye Park Elementary School, Zack gets a note to meet Colleen behind the school. He goes to meet her and she says that she’s ready. He asks why now and Colleen says that she changed his mind because of him. As they start to kiss, Mrs. Washburn interrupts them and takes them to the principal’s office. She tells them to wait until after the assembly to meet with the principal, Mrs. Fields, and they find House sitting there waiting for the principal as well.

3 Days Earlier

House and Foreman go to a college dorm room and convince the two boys to let them in. He asks them to find out the password on a laptop that he gives them, while Foreman checks for environmental contamination. House explains that he’s their roommate’s doctor, and their roommate coughed up a lung. He takes their pop and when the first boy complains, House takes out a gun and shoots the other one dead. He then kills the first boy as well.

2 Hours Earlier

House is at Career Day at Brye Park, and Mrs. Corwin the teacher asks if he really killed two college kids. One student, Timmy Morgan, points out that doctors don’t carry guns and House just ripped off Pulp Fiction.

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Zack explains that Timmy is a fan of old movies. House says that he’s there because he dug himself into a hole, but refuses to tell them what he did. He focuses on Colleen’s black eye and avoids the question, and figures she’s ashamed. Zack offers to explain if House does first and Colleen backs him.

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House says that he had to be there for Career Day and made his story more interesting by killing someone in his story. However, he admits that they do search patient’s home when they’re too dumb to tell him the truth. Mrs. Corwin thinks he’s Dr. Hourani, and tells him to tell the class what a normal day is life.

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House tells his clinic patient that she’s using her vibrator too much after giving birth to six children.

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Mrs. Corwin stops House and suggests he tell them about another patient. House says he only has one patient, and the students ask what he does the rest of the day.

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House meets with Cuddy, who isn’t interested in having sex with him. She informs him that she’s no longer having sex with him and goes to her office. House follows Cuddy in and demands to know what she wants to talk about it, and Cuddy says that he’s selfish and she’s done with him.

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One student wants to know what a vibrator is.

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Colleen asks why Cuddy was mad, and House says it doesn’t matter to the story. The student wonders if House doesn’t kiss enough, and House assures her that they do. Colleen refuses to drop the matter, but House clams up. Zack says that they kissed and were caught, so House will talk, but House says that doesn’t explain the black eye. Colleen insists that she’s not a tease.

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Two days Colleen confronted Zack and publicly said that she’d never kiss him.

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House wonders if Zack is into bossy women. Colleen tells him to tell his story.

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The team meets with the patient, who is busy coughing. According to House, Chase and Taub are hitting on the new nurse, Masters is threatening to tell, and Foreman is busy taking command.

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The students figure that House is lying again, and Mrs. Corwin calls up Mr. Dryden. The students would rather hear more of House’s story. He tells them that the patient is dead, but the students figure that he’s lying again.

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The team rush in as the patient coughs up dead lung tissue and stares at it in horror.

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House tells the skeptical students that he takes on one case at a time, and only the ones that other doctors can’t cure.

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The team goes into differential, while House tries to unlock the laptop computer. Masters suggests that the roommates might be using solvents when they work with computer chips, and House tells Foreman to come with him. As he leaves, he tells Masters that it’s sarciodosis,

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The students still want to know why House stole the laptop, and they realized that it’s Cuddy. House insists that he tried to fix his relationship with Cuddy by stealing her laptop.

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Taub smuggles a small launcher into the hospital and House prepares to blast open Cuddy’s locked door.

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Timothy points out that House is stealing from Thunderbolt and Lightfoot. House says he tried something more subtle, using a scene from The Thomas Crown Affair. Timothy doesn’t fall for that, either. Dryden would like to speak, but the students would still rather hear from House.

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House fakes a gas leak in the waiting room to cause a bad smell, but someone passes out when they hold their breath.

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House explains that he tried to drive them out with the stench, but the one person passed out and hysteria did the rest.

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Colleen points out that the students are morons, because they’re focusing on how House stole it instead of why. House complains that she reminds him of someone.

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Wilson wants to know why House stole the laptop instead of why, and House wants to gain access to her journal to read her innermost thoughts and figure out how to make her unwed. Wilson suggests he use childhood pet names as passwords, and House admits that he has no idea about her childhood. Foreman calls House to look at the college student’s case, and House tells him to do it on his own while he hacks the laptop.

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When the students wonder how a doctor could abandon a patient, House says that patients die every day, but they don’t all have interesting symptoms.

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Colleen points out that House hasn’t answered either question. House explains that Cuddy is mad because she’s a woman, and figures that Colleen is the same. Zack defends her and says he knows how she thinks.

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Zack and Colleen have a jump rope contest and Colleen loses. The bet is that she has to kiss him if he loses.

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Zack explains to House that the bet let Colleen do what she really wanted without her friends realizing it. Colleen says that she didn’t think she’d lose, and tells House to focus on telling them why Cuddy was mad at him. He says that it was stupid.

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Cuddy is preparing for morning yoga when House leaves for the day. He suggests they have sex but Cuddy warns that Rachel will be up soon. She asks him to take out the garbage, but he complains that his leg hurts. As House leaves, he slams the door, waking up Rachel so Cuddy can’t do her yoga. Worse of all, when Cuddy goes to the bathroom, she discovers that House has left the toilet seat up and used her toothbrush--a lot.

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House doesn’t see the problem, and Colleen explains that Cuddy is mad because he didn’t listen to her. He insists that he did.

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Cuddy tries to explain to House what the problem is, but he’s too busy watching a movie and explaining how he’s right.

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Colleen says that House only listens to Cuddy to tell her that he’s wrong. He insists that he’s the only one who tells Cuddy the truth, and he respects her enough not to go easy on her. Zack thinks it makes sense, and Colleen says that’s not what he did. House wonders if Zack punched her, but Zack says that’s not what happened.

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Zack and Colleen are playing gym hockey and he accidentally hits her in the eye with a puck.

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House lectures them on hockey etiquette, but Colleen tells him to tell them about the laptop.

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Dr. Hourani discovers that House has broken into his office to work on Cuddy’s laptop. House finally gets into Cuddy’s journal and leaves. Hourani forces him to turn over the stolen office key, and House compliments him on his wife. Hourani realizes that House has taken one of his wife’s photos and Photoshopped her head onto a lingerie model’s body... and hung it up in the hospital.

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The children realize that House isn’t Dr. Hourani.

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Foreman calls House in the principal’s office and tells him that the PET scan is negative for sarciodosis, and they haven’t treated him yet. House tells Foreman to give the patient the treatment for sarciodosis, and explains to Colleen and Zack that it’s a diagnosis of exclusion. Zack wonders why House lied about his name, but Colleen wants to know what was in the journal.

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Cuddy tells House that he always does what he wants, and he’s always right because that’s all that matters. She wants him to care about Cuddy, not just what he thinks.

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Colleen points out that House doesn’t listen, just like she said. House admits that he thought he found a way to make her happy. He goes to see Sanford Wells and explains that Cuddy wants to get Rachel into Brye Park. However, she couldn’t do it without connections, and she didn’t want to appeal to Sanford. House has no such qualms, and Sanford agrees if House will do him a favor.

House drives to Brye Park for Career Day, and talks to the team as they run the test. He insists that they treat for sarciodosis. Distracted, House plows into Dryden’s car from behind. He quickly hides his ID.

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House insists that he was only 20% his fault, but insurance companies but 100% blame on the rear-ender.

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House tries to talk his way out of being caught with a fake name. Dryden demands to see House’s ID, and a fight breaks out. Mrs. Washburn arrives and escorts House to the principal’s office for fighting.

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Zack suggest that House leave, but Colleen warns that the principal can call Sanford or the police. Colleen figures that Zack wouldn’t leave, and House wonders how she knows.

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Zack starts to kiss Colleen, but then stops himself. He admits that he can’t do it, and admits that he bribed one of the jump rope holders to cause Colleen to lose. Zack says that he doesn’t want to play games, and if she ever wants to kiss him, it’s up to her when she’s ready.

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House congratulates Zack, and Colleen admits that neither one of them are always jerks. She tells House to stop playing games, and Cuddy will still like him. Mrs. Fields calls House into his office, confirms who he is, and asks if he’s insane or stupid. House apologizes for only thinking of himself, but Fields says that she knows all about House’s deal with Sanford. He asks her to let Rachel in, and she points out that he’s apparently doing it for himself. House admits that he doesn’t know what else he can do, but he needs Cuddy in his life. Fields sympathizes, but tells House that he has to grow up. He notices a Princess and the Pea theatrical poster on her wall and gets an idea, and then walks off.

At the hospital, House tells Foreman that a small piece of food went down the wrong pipe. It wouldn’t show up on the CT, but it would cause all the symptoms. House says to prep the patient for exploratory surgery and goes to see Cuddy. He apologizes and explains that he did it to show that he cares about Cuddy’s needs and Rachel’s. When House asks for a chance, Cuddy asks what he pretended to be for Career Day, and House says that he was mostly himself. As he goes, Cuddy asks him to come over for dinner that night. House agrees, and shows her that he finally bought a toothbrush.

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