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House: Two Stories

To get Rachel Cuddy into an exclusive preschool, House volunteers to talk at Career Day. While telling the story of a patient who has coughed up his lung, House pretends to be someone else to avoid liability in a car accident, but things go wrong and he's soon in the principal's office. Intrigued by his exploits, two students get House to tell them the whole story.

Episode Info

Episode number: 7x13
Production Number: HOU-712
Airdate: Monday February 21st, 2011

Alternate Airdates:

CA (Global) Feb 21, 2011
UK (sky 1) Mar 10, 2011
NL (SBS 6) Sep 08, 2011


Starring Roles
Amber TamblynAmber Tamblyn
As Martha Masters

Guest Stars
Maurice GodinMaurice Godin
As Dr. Hourani
Tracy VilarTracy Vilar
As Nurse Regina
Nigel GibbsNigel Gibbs
As Sanford Wells
Brittany IshibashiBrittany Ishibashi
As Mrs. Corwin
Erika AlexanderErika Alexander
As Mrs. Fields
Haley PullosHaley Pullos
As Colleen
Matthew HaddadMatthew Haddad
As Timothy Morgan
Joyce GreenleafJoyce Greenleaf
As Mrs. Washburn

Co-Guest Stars
Kayla ColbertKayla Colbert
As Rachel Cuddy
Rylie ColbertRylie Colbert
As Rachel Cuddy
Sheena ZadehSheena Zadeh
As Cute Nurse
Bobbin BergstromBobbin Bergstrom
As Nurse
Gwen MihokGwen Mihok
As Carmen
Jarret WrightJarret Wright
As David Dryden
Suzy CoteSuzy Cote
As Female Lawyer
Aubrey Manning (2)Aubrey Manning (2)
As Receptionist
Jack FrankJack Frank
As Teenage Boy (Luke)
Carmen SurlesCarmen Surles
As Worried Patient
Willis ChungWillis Chung
As Phillip Wright
Doug LockeDoug Locke
As Roger
Main Cast
Hugh LaurieHugh Laurie
As Dr. Gregory House
Lisa EdelsteinLisa Edelstein
As Dr. Lisa Cuddy
Omar EppsOmar Epps
As Dr. Eric Foreman
Robert Sean LeonardRobert Sean Leonard
As Dr. James Wilson
Jesse SpencerJesse Spencer
As Dr. Robert Chase
Peter JacobsonPeter Jacobson
As Dr. Christopher Taub


At the exclusive Brye Park Elementary School, Zack gets a note to meet Colleen behind the school. He goes to meet her and she says that she’s ready. He asks why now and Colleen says that she changed his mind because of him. As they start to kiss, Mrs. Washburn interrupts them and takes them to the principal’s office. She tells them to wait until after the assembly to meet with the principal, Mrs. Fields, and they find House sitting there waiting for the principal as well...

Read the full recap
Episode Quotes
Dr. House: They're all morons and everybody lies.
Gabe: Wait, if everybody lies, then that means you're lying right now.
Dr. House: I didn't say everybody always lies... Aristotle.

Colleen: I clearly didn't lead him along or anything like that, which proves that I'm not a tease. So why is your girlfriend mad at you?
Dr. House: I'm getting a kind of bossy vibe. I take it you're into that?
Colleen: Don't answer. Your turn.

Sophie: Isn't that like sexual harassment?
Dr. House: Not if you're good-looking.

Dr. House: First she got mad, then I stole her computer to fix things. And then we got the case.
Mrs. Corwin: Wait, so you tried to fix your relationship by stealing her computer?
Dr. House: Well, when you say it like that... yes.

Dr. House: If porn was bad, why would there be so many nuns in it?

Cultural References
Timmy Morgan: Plus, I’ve seen Pulp Fiction--the movie you’re totally ripping off.

House's description of the room matches that of the scene in the 1994 movie when Jules and Vincent go into a room and interrogate two men, and then shoot them.

Dr. House: Because you can’t handle the truth!

This line comes from the 1992 movie A Few Good Men, when Jack Nicholson's character Colonel Nathan Jessop shouts it at Lt. Daniel Kaffee (Tom Cruise) while giving testimony under oath.

Dr. House: That’s what she said!

A popular expression, a variation of the British "as the actress said to the bishop," popularized on the American version of [i]The Office[/i].

Timothy Morgan: Ghostbusters.

Ghostbusters is a 1984 comedy/horror movie about four intrepid "ghostbusters" who start up a company and take on supernatural manifestations.

Timothy Morgan: That’s from Thunderbolt and Lightfoot.

In the 1974 movie, Thunderbolt is a robber who uses a 20 millimeter cannon to blast open safes.

Timothy Morgan: The Thomas Crown Affair. The Steve McQueen version.

Steve McQueen starred in the 1968 movie about a millionaire who engineers a bank heist for kicks, and then stages a battle of wits with the insurance investigator who tries to connect him to the crime and starts developing feelings for him.

Dr. House: We watched Cinderfella on DVD.

Cinderfella is a 1960 movie starring Jerry Lewis as the title character, a male version of Cinderella.

Dr. House: It would have worked, too, if it weren’t for those meddling kids.

This line originated with Scooby Doo, Where Are You!, the animated series, where the villain typically says something along these lines after discovering that the Scobby gang teenagers have thwarted his or her efforts.

Other Episode Crew

CreatorDavid Shore
Executive ProducerHugh Laurie  |  Greg Yaitanes  |  Paul Attanasio  |  Bryan Singer  |  David Shore  |  Katie Jacobs  |  Garrett Lerner  |  Russel Friend  |  Thomas L. Moran
Co-Executive ProducerDavid Foster (1)  |  Liz Friedman  |  Eli Attie  |  Gerrit Van Der Meer  |  Peter Blake (2)
Supervising ProducerSara Hess  |  John C. Kelley  |  David Hoselton
ProducerLindsey Jaffin  |  Marcy G. Kaplan
Co-ProducerSeth Hoffman  |  Allen Marshall Palmer  |  Katherine Lingenfelter
Consulting ProducerLawrence Kaplow
Associate ProducerJulie Hrebec
Production DesignerNatalie Weinmann
EditorAmy Fleming  |  Chad Mochrie
CastingStephanie Laffin  |  Amy Lippens
Unit Production ManagerGerrit Van Der Meer
First Assistant DirectorVince Duque
Second Assistant DirectorYuko Ogata
MusicJason Derlatka  |  Jon Ehrlich
Music EditorMichael Baber
Music SupervisorLynn Grossman  |  Gary Calamar
Costume DesignerCathy Crandall
Key GripLloyd Barcroft
Camera OperatorBill Barber  |  Rob Carlson (3)
Set DecoratorAmy Wells
Location ManagerNancy Haecker
Transportation CoordinatorSteve De Leon
Property MasterEddie Grisco
Construction CoordinatorStephen Howard
Production Sound MixerVon Varga
Script SupervisorIra Hurvitz
Production CoordinatorJamie Feldman
Script CoordinatorDustin Paddock
Supervising Sound EditorBrad North
Re-Recording MixerJoe DeAngelis
LeadmanKeith Sale
Director of PhotographyAnthony Gaudioz
Production SupervisorElisabeth James Rhee
Art DirectorJohn Goldsmith (2)
Post Production CoordinatorDaphne Raves
Costume SupervisorAmy Dodson
Key Makeup ArtistKaren Dahl
Main Title ThemeMassive Attack
Visual Effects SupervisorElan Soltes
Production AccountantJon Cohoe
Chief Lighting TechnicianMonty Woodard
Department Head HairMelvyn Stetson
ResearcherErica Spates
Casting AssociateJanelle Scuderi
Medical Technical AdvisorLisa Sanders  |  John Sotos  |  Harley Liker
Key HairstylistWendy Southard
Department Head Make-upMarianna Elias
ColoristScott Fox
Assistant To The Executive ProducerLindsay Zappala  |  James S. Conway  |  Jessica Young (2)  |  David Wong (3)  |  Danny Weiss
Assistant Property MasterOliver Doering
Assistant AccountantBarbara Pullan
Department Head Special Makeup EffectsDalia Dokter
Video CoordinatorBernie Druckman
Publicity ManagerGeoffrey Colo
Video Graphic ArtistSimon Knights
Visual CoordinatorJeremy Cassells
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