Dr. Cuddy: Did you actually wake up early and hide under the bed just to scare the crap outta me?
Dr. House: Set an alarm and everything.
Dr. Cuddy: It's like dating a ten-year-old.
Dr. House: God, I hope not.
Dr. Cuddy: Get them outta here. My urethra is not for public entertainment.
Dr. House: But it is a good-time adjacent.
Dr. Cuddy: You're right. Odds are this is nothing.
Dr. House: Meet me in the cafeteria in ten. There'll be a corn dog with your name on it. I mean an actual corn dog. They fixed the deep fryer.
Dr. Wilson: (doing an ultrasound) You have nice skin.
Dr. Cuddy: Thank you. Shut up!
Dr. Wilson: Sorry. Just thought it would be rude not to comment.
Dr. Cuddy: Just treat me like any other patient.
Dr. Wilson: Are you sucking in your stomach?
Dr. Cuddy: No. Hurry up before I pass out.
Julia: And House is cool with this? I mean, you guys...
Dr. Cuddy: We've only been together a few months.
Julia: Hmm. Seems like a lot longer. Probably because you've been talking about him for ten years. And by talking, I mean ranting about wanting to smash his teeth in with a stapler for being such a jerk.
Dr. Cuddy: People change.
Dr. Taub: While he's doing that, can I at least search his house for drugs?
Dr. House: Have I ever said no to that question?
Dr. Chase: Do you want me to quote from First Corinthians? 'Cause I can do that.
Dr. Cuddy: As a Jew, I'm gonna have to decline that offer.
Dr. Chase: Don't know what you're missing. St. Paul was really on his game.
Dr. Foreman: What is it with you and this kid?
Dr. Taub: He's doggy-paddling in a sea of misery.
Dr. Foreman: How far did you have to reach back for that memory? Last night? Sometimes I hear you in the living room watching TV at 3 a.m.
Dr. Taub: That's when classic Doctor Who comes on the BBC.
Dr. Foreman: Yeah, if only they had some device that allowed you to record them and watch them it another time.
Dr. Chase: Why is it anyone's problem? I violently executed my tenth-grade geometry teacher about five different ways in my mind.
Martha Masters: I didn't want to kill anybody. I just wanted to torture them slowly in my basement, preferably with acid. You guys ever think about what you might do to House?
Dr. Taub: Maybe it's no big deal.
Dr. Chase: Unless it is. Someone shot House.
Dr. Wilson: I was going to send Chase to tell you what the obvious right thing to do is here is, but then I realized that if you were too stupid to know how stupid that was, you might miss the irony.
Martha Masters: What are you gonna do?
Dr. Taub: What do you think I should do?
Martha Masters: So you can do the opposite? There are kids all over the country doing dumb, potentially violent things, but the percentage of them who would actually kill anybody is minuscule.
Dr. Taub: So I shouldn’t do anything?
Martha Masters: Mm... while the odds are low, the fallout could be huge. Tens or even hundreds of lives.
Dr. Taub: So I should call the cops.
Martha Masters: Of course, over-identification with the subject could skew the calculation towards being over-protective. Or, alternatively...
Dr. Taub: You suck at this.
Martha Masters: Hate the statistics, not the statistician.
Dr. House: All dream symbols mean you’re stressed at work. Or castration anxiety.
Dr. House: If you don't make it, I won't sleep with anyone for at least a month.
Dr. Cuddy: Make it two.
Dr. House: Bitch!
Dr. Cuddy: You don't take Vicodin because you're scared. You take it so you won't feel pain. Everything you've ever done is to avoid pain. Drugs, sarcasm... keeping everybody at arm's length so no one can hurt you.
Dr. House: As opposed to everyone else in the world who goes looking for pain like it's buried treasure?
Dr. Cuddy: Pain happens when you care. Y-you can't love someone without making yourself open to their problems, their fears. And you're not willing to do that.