Dr. O’Shea: Are you checking me out?
Dr. House: You’re astute. No.
Dr. O’Shea: How many pills did you just take?
House: Vicodin, opiods, some B12. Need a little kick in the afternoon. You got a problem with that? (O’Shea looks disinterested) I think I’m falling in love.
Dr. Foreman: We need to remove the eye.
Dr. House: It’s her only working eye.
Dr. Foreman: We could remove the other one, but since it’s not killing her, I thought this way was less insane.
Dr. House: (to O’Shea) Do you have some ethical problem with what I’m doing that you can express in a unique way which might actually make me think that I’m wrong even though I’ll never admit it?
Dr. O’Shea: Yes.
Dr. House: You are funny. The problem’s not in her eye, it’s in her head. You wanna come over and watch Prescription Passion at my house tonight?
Dr. O’Shea: You know I’m not gay, right?
Dr. House: Neither am I. If you don’t want to have sex, that’s cool with me.
Dr. O’Shea: I’m not coming over to your home.
Dr. House: I’ll grow on you.
Dr. Foreman: I’m sorry. We need to remove your eye.
Apple: My eye?
House: A moment ago you thought you were dying. Blind’s actually good news.
Lucas: Oh yeah, that will be… $2,300 dollars
Dr. House: I’ll get you a check.
Lucas: No, I don’t take checks.
Dr. House: You think I’m going to stop payment?
Lucas: Aren’t you?
Dr. House: Of course I am. $2,300, that’s insane.
House: Say it.
Dr. Foreman: You were right.
House: God, that was petty of me.
Dr. Kutner: Does that PI guy mean we don’t have to break into people’s homes any more?
Dr. House:: It’s the whole reason you went to medical school. I’m not gonna take that away from you.
Dr. House: Did you get the consent?
Dr. Taub: No.
Dr. House: Tell Foreman to get it. Old people are scared of black people.
Lucas: There are two types of people who hire me. No, actually there are three types of people that hire me, but the third point is irrelevant to the point I want to make.
Dr. House: Do you have a special rate plan for being a pain in the ass?
Dr. House: Have you been checking me out? I’ve been paying for that?
Lucas: So far you haven’t paid for anything.
Apple: The guys I hated dancing with before, I hated dancing with after. My parents were still dead, I was still alone.
Dr. House: You’re fun.
Apple: You don’t seem that different.
Dr. House: I haven’t given up.
Dr. House: How do you know what they’re talking about?
Lucas: I’m in the same grief-counseling group.I recently lost my mother.
Dr. House: You get laid more often if you told them you lost a kid.
Lucas: I didn’t lose a kid.
Mason: Only two things you ignore: things that aren’t unimportant and things you wish weren’t important. And wishing never works.
Dr. House: How many friends do you have?
Dr. House: Seriously?
Lucas: No, I knew this conversation was really about you, so I gave you an answer so you could get back to your chain of thought.
Dr. House: Friends allow you to not sit in a room by yourself. You charging me for this?
Lucas: Are we friends?
Dr. House: No.
Lucas: Then yes.
Dr. House: Want to be my friend?
Lucas: No. you scare me a little.
Dr. Cuddy: I’m going to trust your first instincts.
Dr. House:: I’m not usually confused when you say things like that.
Nurse: You ever hear of The Boy Who Cried Wolf?
Dr. House: Never really bought that. I don’t care how often the kid cries he’s going to be eaten by a wolf, the mom’s going to come running.