Dr. Taub: House, call your mom.
Dr. House: What are you, my mom?

Dr. House: I’m not deflecting because I’m avoiding something deep. I’m deflecting because I’m avoiding something shallow.

Dr. Cuddy: If there’s anything I can do, just…
Dr. House: You know, you’re right. I don’t think I can sleep alone tonight.

(preparing an injection)
Dr. Cuddy: It goes better in a large muscle. Drop your pants.
Dr. House: You know, I usually pay tens of dollars to hear that.

Dr. House: Come on, forget the keys. Call a locksmith. We'll go inside and play "guess that smell" with the truckers while we're waiting. Join me on the dark side.
Dr. Wilson: Dark side's done, House. I'm delivering you to your mother and that's it.

Dr. Cameron: What do you think House would send, the “Gentle Comfort" arrangement, or the “Warm Thoughts” bouquet? I mean, if he wasn’t an ass.
Dr. Chase: Send one of those giant cookies shaped like a coffin. (Cameron glares) His mom would believe it was from him.

Dr. House: You “lost track of your speed”? I think that was Hitler’s excuse. Lost track of the Jews. No one held him responsible.

Dr. House: I need that phone call. I’m a doctor, and when someone tries to call you three times, it’s code for “Pick up the damn phone before someone dies."
Sheriff Costello: I’m sure there’s other smart doctors.
Dr. House: You’d be surprised.

Dr. Hadley: Bubbles.
Dr. House: Is that your new stripper name?
Dr. Hadley: Yes. And also we inject bubbles into the cyst and follow where they drift.

(House's eulogy for his father)
Dr. House: There's a lot of people here today. Including some from the Corps. And I noticed that every one of them, is either my father's rank, or higher. And that doesn't surprise me. Because if the test of a man is how he treats those he has power over... it was a test my father failed. This man you're eager to pay homage to, he was incapable of admitting any point of view but his own. He punished failure, he did not accept anything less than... He loved doing what he did, he saw his work as some kind of sacred calling, more important than any personal relationship. Maybe if he'd been a better father, I'd be a better son. But I am what I am because of him, for better or for worse. I just... I just wish.. (takes a bit of his father's earlobe)
Dr. House: (whispering) Put it back.
Dr. House: Well, he's not going to miss it.
Dr. Wilson: I'm done enabling. You can't even let them put him in the ground without making it serve your agenda?

Dr. Wilson: You know, you could just wait for the MRI to have your curiosity satisfied.
Dr. House: What person who is nothing like me are you saying that to?

(to Wilson)
Dr. House: If you’re coming back just because of the shine of my neediness… I’d be okay with that.