Dr. Cuddy: House, I’ve got a DYFS home visit on Friday.
Dr. House: And I’ve got a W-H-O-R-E visit on…
Dr. Cuddy: When's the last time you showered?
Dr. House: Scent of a man. I realize you haven't experienced it sober.
Dr. House: He's had multiple EEGs. All of them cleaner and squeakier than Cuddy's rubber nipples.
(hands Kutner a dirty diaper)
Dr. Cuddy: Take the garbage out on your way out.
Dr. House: If you want a man to take your crap, you have to marry him first.
Dr. Cuddy: Or employ him.
Dr. House: Come on, you're from one of the Twelve Tribes, you must know a ton of lawyers.
Dr. Taub: What type of lawyer do you need? I'll bring it up at the next world domination subcommittee meeting.
Dr. Cuddy: You preach objectivity, but as soon as a patient comes in in pain, all you want to do is look under the hood. You don't care if there's a one-in-three chance you'll kill him.
Dr. House: If I don't diagnose him, there's a one-in-one chance he'll kill himself.
Jeff: You don't have a family, do you?
Dr. House: Left them all back on Krypton.
Chris Carrick: Which one of you is House?
Dr. House: The big black guy.
Dr. Taub: Assuming you're right.
Dr. House: Yes. I find it confusing to assume otherwise.
Dr. Wilson: Why do women always do that?
Dr. Cuddy: Fail?
Dr. Wilson: Create ridiculous standards that no human could meet, with your careers, with your kids. You got to be more like us men.
Dr. Cuddy: Be lazy? Blame others?
Fernando: Are you happy?
Dr. House: No, but I'm right.
Dr. House: Testicles. What do they make you think of?
Dr. Taub: STDs, testerone issues, that summer on Fire Island.