Dr. Wilson: Just tell Cuddy you have an urgent case.
Dr. House: That would be lying.
Dr. Wilson: And that would be wrong...?
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Dr. House: When did my signature become so girly...?
Dr. Cameron: I can explain.
Dr. House: See that "G"? See how it makes a big loop on top? Doesn't even look like my handwriting. Think I have something? What's the differential diagnosis for writing Gs like a junior high school girl?
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House: (to Cameron) Perseverance does not equal worthiness. Next time you want to get my attention, wear something fun. Low-ridier jeans are hot.
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Dr. House: You hound me for my opinion and then you condemn my diagnosis. Cool.
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Dr. Foreman: From what I've read, false paternity is more like 10%.
Dr. House: That's what our moms would like us to believe.
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Dr. Chase: It doesn't necessarily have to be that bad. If we exclude the night terrors it could be something systemic: his liver, kidneys, something outside the brain.
Dr. House: Yes, feel free to exclude any symptom if it makes your job easier.
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Dr. House: (Chase) knew that I saw something on the MRI, so he figured that I saw something and took a guess. Clever... but pathetic.
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Dr. House: Are you guessing?
Dr. Chase: Yes.
Dr. House: Too bad. You're right.
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Dr. Foreman: He probably just moved. Nobody stays perfectly still for their MRI.
Dr. House: Yeah, he probably got restless and shifted one hemisphere of his brain to a more comfortable position.
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Dr. House: You know another really good business? Teeny tiny baby coffins. You can get them in frog green or fire engine red. Really. The antibodies in yummy Mummy only protect the kid for six months, which is why these companies think they can gouge you. They think that you'll spend whatever they ask to keep your kid alive. Want to change things? Prove 'em wrong. Few hundred parents like you decide they'd rather let their kid die than cough up forty bucks for a vaccination, believe me, prices will drop really fast.
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Dr. House: Who cares about McPhearson? I heard he tortures kittens.
Dr. Foreman: McDonald.
Dr. House: Oh, McDonald. Wonderful doctor, loved kittens.
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Dr. House: Dr. Cuddy. Great outfit.
Dr. Cuddy: What are you doing back here? Patient?
Dr. House: No. Hooker. Went to my office instead of my home.
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Dr. Foreman: Actually, Chase tackled him.
Dr. House: How come you didn't do it?
Dr. Foreman: Rght. Well, I am black, but he was closer.
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Dr. Cameron: What about sex?
Dr. House: Well, it might get complicated. I mean, we work together, I'm older, certainly, but maybe you like that.
Dr. Cameron: I meant maybe he has neurosyphilis.
Dr. House: Huh. (winks) Nice cover.
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Dr. House: Who thinks there's a third option? (Chase raises his hand) Very good. What's the third choice?
Dr. Chase: (shrugs) No idea. You just asked if I thought there was one.
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Dr. House: It's ironic, isn't it? Sort of like the boy who sued wolf. You know, I bet we have a doctor here named Wolf. How perfect would that be? I'm gonna page him.
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Dr. Cuddy: How's your hooker doing?
Dr. House: Sweet of you to ask. Funny story. She was going to be hospital administrator, but she just hated having to screw people like that.
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Dr. Cuddy: And is there a paternity bet on the father of the patient?
Dr. House: Doesn't sound like me.
Dr. Wilson: Well, it does, actually, but doesn't mean you're guilty. You think?
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Dr. House: Another reason I don't like meeting patients. If they don't know what you look like, they can't yell at you.
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Dan's Mother: How can you just sit there?
Dr. House: If I eat standing up, I spill.
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Funsten: You've caused me considerable mental stress.
Dr. House: I certainly hope so.
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Dr. House: Can we get off my screw-ups and focus on theirs? Theirs is bigger
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Dr. Foreman: Look, I'm sorry. I can explain this as best I can, but the notion that you're gonna fully understand your son's treatment and make an informed decision is... is kind of insane. Here's what you need to know. It's dangerous. It could kill him. You should do it.
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Dr. Wilson: Yes, concerned parents can be so annoying.
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Finland [
Czech Republic)
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