House: You know another really good business? Teeny tiny baby coffins. You can get them in frog green or fire engine red. Really. The antibodies in yummy mummy only protect the kid for six months, which is why these companies think they can gouge you. They think that you'll spend whatever they ask to keep your kid alive. Want to change things? Prove them wrong. A few hundred parents like you decide they'd rather let their kid die than cough up forty bucks for a vaccination, believe me, prices will drop really fast.
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Dr. Chase: It doesn't necessarily have to be that bad. If we exclude the night terrors it could be something systemic: his liver, kidneys, something outside the brain.
House: Yes, feel free to exclude any symptom if it makes your job easier.
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Dan's Mother: How can you just sit there?
House: If I eat standing up, I spill.
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House: Another reason I don't like meeting patients. If they don't know what you look like, they can't yell at you.
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Cuddy: How's your hooker doing?
House: How sweet of you to ask. Funny story - she was going to be a hospital administrator, but she hated having to screw people like that.
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Dr. Wilson: Just tell Cuddy you have an urgent case.
House: That would be lying.
Dr. Wilson: And that would be wrong . . . ?
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Funsten: You've caused me considerable mental stress.
House: I certainly hope so.
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House: Could we get off my screw-ups and focus on their's? Theirs is bigger
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House: It'd be like "The Boy Who Sued Wolf." You know, I bet we have a doctor here named ‘Wolf'. How perfect would that be – I think I'll page him.
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House: Who thinks there's a third option. (Chase raises his hand) Very good. And what's the third choice?
Dr. Chase: (shrugs) No idea. You just asked if I thought there was one.
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Dr. Cameron: What about sex?
House: Well, it could get complicated. We work together, I'm older, but if you go for that kind of thing . . .
Dr. Cameron: I meant syphilis.
House: (winks) Nice cover.
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Dr. Foreman: Chase tackled him.
House: How come you didn't do it.
Dr. Foreman: Yeah, well, I'm black but he was closer.
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House: Dr. Cuddy. Nice outfit.
Cuddy: What are you doing back here? Patient?
House: No, hooker. Went to my office instead of my home.
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House: Who cares about McPhearson? I heard he tortures kittens.
Dr. Foreman: McDonald.
House: Oh, McDonald. Wonderful doctor - loves kittens.
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Dr. Foreman: He probably just moved. Nobody stays perfectly still for their MRI.
House: Yeah, he probably got restless and shifted one hemisphere of his brain to a more comfortable position.
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House: Are you guessing?
Dr. Chase: Yes.
House: Too bad. You're right.
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Dr. Foreman: From what I've read, false paternity is more like, 10%.
House: That's what our moms would like us to believe.
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House: You hound me for my opinion and then you condemn my diagnosis. Cool.
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House: Perseverance does not equal worthiness. Next time you want to get my attention, wear something fun. Low-riding jeans are hot.
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House: (Refering to the signature Cameron did for him.) When did my signature become so girly...?
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Dr. Wilson: Yes, concerned parents can be so annoying.
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Finland)
Czech Republic)