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House :: Damned If You Do (01x05)
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Episode Information |
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| Title: | Damned If You Do |
| Episode #: | 01x05 |
| Production Number: | HOU-106 |
| Original Airdate: | Tuesday December 14th, 2004 |
*Also Known As: - Nunnan tarina (
 Finland [MTV3]) - Jeptiška (
 Czech Republic)
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| | Other Release Dates: (Edit) | | Country: | Aired On: | |
| FI (MTV3) |
Oct 19, 2006 |
| Czech Republic |
Nov 01, 2006 |
 NL (SBS 6) |
Jun 05, 2008 |
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Episode Summary |
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House has a new patient whose hands are red with boils. She is a nun and all of her fellow nuns believe her condition to be stigmata. After what seems to be an allergic reaction to the medicine House prescribes, Cuddy orders him to research the case. During an MRI, the nun starts to suffer from convulsions. House wonders if her past is coming back to haunt her, as the doctors provide different theories about the nun's condition. However, only one of them has the correct answer.
| | There are no foreign summaries for this episode: Contribute |
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Guest Stars |
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Main Cast |
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Featured Songs |
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| Artist | Song Title | Played When | | •John Denver | Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer | | | •Mohr & Gruber | Silent Night | over the closing montage |
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Episode Quotes |
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Dr. Cuddy: What are you, eight?
House: Could an eight year old do this? (makes a face)
Dr. Cuddy: Better stop it or it'll stick that way.
| House: I've been a doctor for years – why do I have to keep assuring people I know what I'm doing?
| Sister Eucharist: Doctor? I want to thank you for your patience.
Dr. Wilson: She talkin' to you?
House: I don't know. She's certainly looking at me.
| Sister Eucharist: The sisters tend to interpret their illnesses as divine intervention.
House: And you don't? You're wearing an awfully funny hat.
| House: What the hell are those?
Dr. Cameron: Candy canes.
House: Candy canes? Are you mocking me.
Dr. Cameron: (Slightly upset) No. It's, it's Christmas, and I, I thought...
House: Relax – it's a joke.
| Dr. Chase: I hate nuns.
House: Who doesn't?
| House: I also recognize that I am human and capable of error.
Dr. Wilson: So you might have screwed this up?
House: No.
Dr. Wilson: So it's merely a theoretical capacity for error?
House: Good point. Maybe there isn't one. Maybe that's my error.
| House: (sarcastically admitting to giving the nun the wrong dosage of epinephrine) So there I was, in the clinic, drunk, so I opened the drawer, closed my eyes, take the first syringe I could find...
| House: I am both amused and annoyed that you think I should be less stubborn then you are.
| Sister Eucharist: (The hypochondriac nun) tends to believe in things that aren't real.
House: Really? I thought that was a job description for you people.
| House: What do you know about the nun?
Dr. Chase: Which one?
House: The cute one. I think she likes me. The sick one, obviously.
| House: And the old nun thinks the sick nun is a big fat nun liar.
| House: You hate nuns? You can't hate someone if you don't know them.
Dr. Chase: Know any Nazis? Maybe I hate them on principle.
| House: I've found that when you want to know the truth about someone, that someone is probably the last person you should ask.
Mother Superior: Ah. And have you been speaking to Sister Eucharist?
House: She ratted out her fellow sister pretty quickly.
Mother Superior: Oh.
House: If I were you, I'd have her repeat a year of nun school.
| House: I had to open her blouse to do CPR, and I learned two things. Nuns can have nice breasts, and she has a tattoo on her shoulder. Of a skunk. Now, maybe it's the sacred skunk of Joseph...
| Dr. Wilson: Sixth circle of Hell?
House: Confined in a sweat box with a bloody nose and all the tissues are soggy.
Dr. Wilson: I think that's the Seventh.
House: Nope. The Seventh . . .
Dr. Wilson: God, you must be fun at parties.
House: I think we both know the flaw in that theory.
| House: You know how it is with nuns. You take out their IUDs and they just bounce right back.
| Dr. Wilson: You wanna come over for Christmas dinner?
House: You're Jewish.
Dr. Wilson: Yeah, Hanukkah dinner. What do you care--it's food, it's people.
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Episode Goofs |
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Dr. House is listening to a patient's heart with a stethoscope. However as the shot cuts to his face you can see the stethoscope is not in his ears.
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Cultural References |
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House recommending cigarettes
The clinic patient, Marvin, dressed as Santa Claus, who is prescribed cigarettes by House for his inflammatory bowel. The whole thing is very reminiscent of an old Fry & Laurie first series sketch called "Doctor Tobacco." Laurie goes to see the "doctor" (Stephen Fry) for an examination. He complains of having trouble breathing at night and tightness in his chest. Fry tells him to smoke a cigarette twenty times a day, "ideally moving on to thirty or forty." Laurie complains that they cause lung cancer and emphysema. Fry dismisses the idea. They argue back and forth until Laurie insists that he'd like a second opinion. Fry offers that they're also cheap, nutritious and stylish. And if he's interested in a third opinion, they're also soothing, harmless and sexy. Turns out, Fry wasn't a doctor after all but a tobacconist.
| House: How do you solve a problem like dermatitis?
House is playing off of the main chorus of "How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria?" from the musical The Sound of Music.
| Episode Title: Damned If You Do
This refers to the quote made famous by Eleanor Roosevelt. The full quotation is, "Do what you feel in your heart to be right- for you'll be criticized anyway. You'll be damned if you do, and damned if you don't.
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Other Episode Crew |
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Episode Notes |
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Episode References |
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Analysis |
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