Luke: Is this a good hospital?
Dr. House: Depends on what you mean by "good." I like these chairs
Dr. House: How old is she?
Luke: You're a doctor?
Dr. House: Own my own stethoscope. Did I ask you how old she was? I forget.
Dr. Wilson: (to House) You won't talk to patients because they lie, but give you a patient with no concept of reality...
Dr. House: If it wasn't for Socrates, that raving, untreated schizophrenic, we wouldn't have a Socratic Method, the best way of teaching everything apart from juggling chainsaws. Without Isaac Newton we'd all be floating on the ceiling.
Dr. Wilson: Dodging chainsaws, no doubt.
Dr. Foreman: [House's] really talking to a patient.
Dr. Chase: I don't know who I am any more.
Dr. Chase: [House] likes crazy people. He likes the way they think.
Dr. Foreman: They think... badly. That's the definition of... crazy. Why would he like...?
Dr. Chase: They're not boring. He likes that
Dr. Cameron: Happy birthday.
Dr. House: Okay... whose?
Dr. House: The boys in the lab – sure, they're hard drinkers. But they're pros.
Dr. House: We needed blood for tests. I assume that was the only way to get it.
Luke: [Foreman] knocked her out!
Dr. House: Look, I have a cane and I know how to use it.
Dr. House: It turns out your best judgment is not good enough. Here's an idea--next time, use mine.
Dr. House: So when I said, "No psych meds," I'm just curious - which word didn't you understand?
Dr. House: Gee, I wish my idea was as cool and vivid as yours. By the way, do you have one?
Dr. House: I can tell you're upset about something. You're going to open up to me now, aren't you?
Luke: It's my fault...
Dr. House: Here we go...
Dr. Foreman: Mickey Mantle had a whole bar named after him--he got a transplant.
Dr. House: Yeah, well, Lucy can't switch hit.
Dr. House: Love that outfit. It says "I'm a professional, but I'm still a woman." Actually, it sort of yells the second part.
Dr. Cuddy: Yeah, and your big cane is real subtl, too.
Dr. House: Ooh, girl in the boys’ bathroom. Very dramatic. Must be very important what you have to say to me.
Dr. Cuddy: Yesterday your patient’s tumor was 5.8 centimeters. Today it’s 4.6. How does that happen?
Dr. House: At a guess, I’d say “Dr. House must be really really good, why am I wasting him on hiccups?” I wash before and after.
Dr. Cuddy: You also requisitioned 20cc of ethanol. What patient was that for? Or are you planning a party?
Dr. Cameron: You really didn't know?
Dr. House: No, I didn't, and frankly I'm angry. Which I'm guessing is the correct response. Of course I'll know better once I know what you're talking about.
Dr. Cameron: Your birthday.
Dr. House: Oh. Anger was a bad guess. Normally I'd put on a festive hat and celebrate the fact that the Earth has circled the sun one more time. I really didn't think it was going to make it this year, but darn it if it wasn't the little planet that could all over again.
Luke: You said you wouldn't call. You're a real bastard, you know?
Dr. House: Yeah, I get that a lot.
Dr. House: You think I'm crazy.
Dr. Wilson: Well, yeah, but that's not the problem.
The Madness of King George.
This is a reference to the insanity, brought on by porphyria, that gripped King George III in his final years and, more specifically, to the 1994 film
of the same name starring Nigel Hawthorne
. It is likely also intended as an in-joke as Hugh Laurie
played Prince George, King George III's son and the future King George IV, in Blackadder the Third
Dr. House: And that guitar player in that English band – he was great. (...) Pink Floyd.
House is talking about the late Syd Barret, former guitarist of the Brittish progressive rock band, Pink Floyd. Barret was kicked out of the band for heavy drug use that jeopardized the functioning of the band. He literally had no concept of reality as Wilson mentions, his drug use caused psychological problems. Barrett withdrew into near-total seclusion and never released any more material.