Dr. Cuddy: Forget (Giles') paralysis.
Dr. House: Tell that to the rest of his bowling team.

Dr. House: Like I always say, there's no "I" in team. There’s a "me" though, if you jumble it up.

Dr. Foreman: Dr. House, is there anything back from Micral?
Dr. House: Not yet. You going to fire me?
Dr. Foreman: You can make up for it by washing my car.
Dr. House: Oh, this is fun.

Dr. House: What about the paralysis?
Dr. Foreman: We're sticking to the pneumonia.
Dr. House: Well, you certainly are, boss. Like a wet tongue sticks to dry ice.b

Dr. Foreman: He signed a DNR.
Dr. House: (taking off his headphones) He rhymes with "dinner"?
Dr. Foreman: He signed a DNR.
Dr. House: Oh. That makes more sense.

Willie: My pants tell you I have diabetes?
Dr. House: No, they tell me you're an idiot.

Dr. Foreman: What is wrong with you?
House: Everyone knows what's wrong with me. What's wrong with him is much more interesting.

Dr. Foreman: You assaulted that man.
Dr. House: Fine, I'll never do it again.
Dr. Foreman: Yes, you will.
Dr. House: All the more reason this debate is pointless.

Server: Dr. House?
Dr. House: Cuddy sent me a stripper again? Love that woman--so thoughtful.

Dr. House: Can we get the lecture over with, because I've got a... actually, I've got nothing to do. Take your time.

Dr. Cuddy: When I hired you, I knew you were insane. I will continue to try and stop you from doing insane things, but once they’re done… Trying to convince an insane person not to do insane things is, in itself, insane. So when I hired you, I also set aside $50,000 a year for legal expenses. So far you’ve come in under budget.

(to House)
Dr. Wilson: Some doctors have the messiah complex-–they need to save the world. You got the Rubik's complex-–you need to solve the puzzle.

Dr. House: And that's all you are? Musician?
John Henry Giles: I got one thing, same as you.
Dr. House: Really? Well apparently you know me better than I know you.
John Henry Giles: I know that limp. I know the empty ring finger. And that obsessive nature of yours, that's a big secret.You don't risk jail and your career to save somebody who doesn't want to be saved, unless you got something. Anything. One thing. The reason normal people got wives and kids and hobbies, whatever, that's because they ain't got that one thing that--that hits a man hard and that true. I got music, you got this, the thing you think about all the time, the thing that keeps you south of normal. Yeah, makes us great, makes us the best. All we miss out on is everything else. No woman waiting at home after work with a drink and a kiss, that ain't gonna happen for us.
Dr. House: That's why God made microwaves.
John Henry Giles: Yeah. And when it's over, it's over.
Dr. House: Yeah. (House starts wheeling him out)
John Henry Giles: What are you doing?
Dr. House: It's not over for me. Either you're gonna call the cops again or we're doing this. If you wanna die you can do it easily inside an MRI machine.

Marty Hamilton: You enjoy working with Dr. House?
Dr. Foreman: Not the word I'd use...

Dr. House: Next time you want to make me feel all warm and fuzzy, leave a message.

Dr. Wilson: So your philosophy is, if they don't want treatment they get it shoved down their throat, but if it might cure their paralysis, whoa, you'd better slow down.
Dr. House: Yeah, My old philosophy used to be "Live and Let Live," but I'm taking this needlepoint class and they gave us these really big pillows.
Dr. Wilson: What's your philosophy on employee relations?
Dr. House: That's a very tiny pillow.

(to Foreman)
Dr. House: You took a chance, you did something great. You were wrong, but it was still great. You should feel great that it was great. You should feel like crap that it was wrong. That's the difference between (Hamilton) and me. He thinks you do your job and what will be will be. I think that what I do and what you do matters. He sleeps better at night. He shouldn't.

John Henry Giles: How many of those pills you taking?
Dr. House: I'm in pain.
John Henry Giles: Yes. Aren't we all?

Wilson Yeah, and that girl dropped the charges against Kobe. Doesn’t mean that he should call her and see if she’s free to get a sundae.

Wilson is referring to baskeball player Kobe Bryant who had a sexual assault charge made against him by a woman whom he claimed he had had consensual sex with but who charged him with rape. She later dropped the charges and settled out of court with him in a civil lawsuit.

House: I watched Matlock last night.

Matlock was a series that ran from 1986 to 1995 on ABC and NBC and starred Andy Griffith as a lawyer and senior citizen.