House: Internal bleeding after a car accident? Wow - that's shocking!
Dr. Cuddy: You know, there are other ways to manage pain.
Dr. House: Like what, laughter? Meditation? Got a guy who can fix my third chakra?
Dr. Cuddy: It's not just your leg. You wanna get high. You're doing, what, 80 milligrams a day?
Dr. House: No. That's way too much. Moderation is the key. Unless there's pain.
Dr. Cuddy: It's double what you were taking when I hired you.
Dr. House: 'Cause you're twice as annoying.
Dr. Cuddy: I can't protect you. Patients talk, doctors talk.
Dr. House: About how big your ass has gotten lately? Not me – I defend it.
Dr. House: (waves cane) Chicks dig this - it's better than a puppy!
Dr. House: What are you doing here? I thought we ruled out cancer.
Dr. Wilson: I was lonely.
Dr. House: Well, go see Cuddy--she needs a friend.
Dr. Wilson: That's funny--she said you might need one.
Dr. Wilson: She's hot so she's a hooker? What kind of pathetic logic is that?
Dr. House: The envious, jealous "I never got any in high school" logic. Hello?!?
Dr. House: I had a massage.
Dr. Chase: Looks like you had a masseuse.
Dr. Cuddy: Answer me.
Dr. House: Nothing I could say is going to change how you feel, and nothing could come out of your reaction that is going to change what I plan to do. So I prefer to say nothing.
Dr. Cuddy: So...that was you just saying nothing?
Dr. House: Uh-huh.
Dr. House: His liver is shutting down!
Mr. Foster: What? What does that mean?
Dr. House: It means he's better--he's ready to go home.
Dr. Foreman: You know, House shouldn't even be here.
Dr. Chase: Because he said something inappropriate? If we sent him home every time he did that, we wouldn't need this office.
Dr. Foreman: He's detoxing--can't you see he's out of his mind?
Dr. House: That's what they said about Manson.
Dr. House: I take risks--sometimes patients die. But not taking risks causes more patients to die. So I guess my biggest problem is I've been cursed with the ability to do the math.
Dr. Cameron: Yeah, I I trusted you.
Dr. House: You always trust me. That's a big mistake.
(exhuming a dead cat)
Dr. Foreman: Four years of college, four of med school, two years of residency, another four of sub-specialty training. And where do I end up?
Dr. Chase: Talking instead of digging.
(after House sneezes on the patient to stop an operation)
Anesthesiologist: There's no way we can do this surgery now.
Dr. Hourani: Ya think!?!
Dr. House: You do that surgery, you'll be killing a mother of four.
Dr. Cuddy: Father of three.
Dr. House: I was guessing.
Dr. Wilson: You learn anything?
Dr. House: Yeah, I'm an addict.
Dr. Wilson: Uh, okay.
Dr. Wilson: You alienate people.
Dr. House: I've been alienating people since I was three.
Dr. Wilson: Oh, come on! Drop it! You don't think you've changed in the last few years?
Dr. House: Well, of, of course I have. I've gotten older. My hair's gotten thinner. Sometimes I'm bored, sometimes I'm lonely, sometimes I wonder what it all means.
Dr. House: Of course I've changed!
Dr. Wilson: And everything's the leg? Nothing's the pills? They haven't done a thing to you?
Dr. House: They let me do my job, and they take away my pain.