The Mermaid Theory - Recap

Zoe is added to the little group, courtesy of the Captain. He's a scary
man, even when he appears to be nice. Marshall finely figures it out.
Only the bottom half of his face smiles.

Ted hears about a great Frank Lloyd Wright retrospective. Who wants to
join him? Nobody. They're all going to help Lily wash her hair. Except
Barney. He'll be trying to recover from the fact that nobody invited him
to the big hairwashing party. Fine, then; it will just be Ted and Zoey.
Lily sets him straight. Single men can't hang out with married women. If
they do so, there are rules that must be followed. #1: Barney
interrupts. "Don't use the husband's condoms! That's just rude." Lily
picks up where she left off. Don't go anywhere that there is
candlelight. Marshall asks the Captain's picture how he feels about
that. He covers the bottom half of the picture and intones "That'll be
the last dinner they ever have." Rule #2. No sharing food. In fact,
anything involving saliva is off-limits. Toothbrushes, thermometers,
lipstick ... Ted figures if he can't share Zoey's lipstick, there's
really no point in even going. She says the most important rule of all -
and Barney interrupts again. "Lubricant is public property." Lily
finishes, "No lying to the spouse about anything you do." Robin and
Marshall realize that despite the fact they are old friends, they never
do anything alone together. They should have dinner. Lily is fine with
it, but no candles! Barney realizes he and Lily are the only ones
without plans. He asked her to hang with him, and she said no. She
couldn't have just said no, based on his reaction. She must have said
"You're a big, stupid octopus-head!!!" No, that's not right either. He
regrets to inform his children he has no idea what was said. After all,
this was 20 years ago.

Ted and Zoey's date was kind of odd. When the Captain called, she told
him she was with friends. Lily is aghast that Zoey lied to her husband.
Ted double-checked, and yes; she did in fact lie. In her defense, the
Captain does have a tendency to get jealous. She asks him if it was
okay, and he said yes. Lily yells at him for saying that. Ted wonders if
he has to stop hanging out with Zoey, and Lily says no. He should spend
time with them as a couple, not just Zoey. Ted says there is a standing
invitation to join them on their boat. He's going to take him up on it.
Lily thinks it's a wonderful idea.

The next evening, Robin and Marshall went to dinner together.
Historically, they had three topics of conversation. Cold weather,
sports, and cold weather sports. It was a very awkward dinner. Barney
and Lily continue altercating. she accuses him of being super-sensitive
lately, and he leaves in tears. He was almost run over by a scooter.
Their friendship was almost back to normal, but she apparently took one
more shot, because she couldn't resist.

Ted arrives, and finds that the Captain is there, but Zoey is not. He'd
like to skip the trip, but didn't. He does remember being in fear for
his life.

Robin and Marshall start squabbling about the date being boring. He
tells her he's an attorney, and he saw right through her lie. He
remembers when he hired his new assistant, Iris. She was painfully
homely. Barney tells him the myth of mermaids. Desperate sailors managed
to turn manatees into mermaids, beautiful women. Barney sailor is going
to bump fists with Marshall sailor, but he has a hook, so they can't. He
tells Marshall that Iris' mermaid clock starts right now. Just over a
year later, Marshall shows up at work and Iris is a beautiful mermaid.
After he explains that to Robin, she asks if that means she's a manatee
right now. Big-time. Yes.

The Captain and Ted are on their boat ride. The Captain is very scary.
He's pretending he's trapped on a boat with a mad man, but nobody can
hear his cries for help. Ted figures he's safe, because the captain
hasn't mentioned Zoey. Then the Captain mentions Zoey.

Barney and Lily are squabbling over onion rings. Ted finally realizes he
got the story completely backwards. Lily didn't hurt Barney. Barney hurt
Lily. But that's all dad can remember. He apologizes for wasting their time.

Ted is about to make a call, but his cell falls overboard. The Captain
continues acting very strange and scary. Ted wants to go home, big day
tomorrow. The Captain says no, he has something for him. Wait right
here. Ted is about to jump overboard when the Captain comes back up,
bearing Scotch. They hit a bump, and Ted falls overboard.

Marshall tells Robin that if he spends enough time with her, she'll be
transformed into a foxy fish babe. She asks if he will be able to
un-mermaid her. He asked Barney that very question and was told yes.
There is one way, but it's pretty gruesome. It takes a pregnancy.

Dad finally realizes that the Barney and Lily fight didn't happen then,
it was literally a different year. When Lily was pregnant. Barney tells
her that breastfeeding is hot. She does that, she'll be a mermaid again.
When those things swell up to three times their normal size, so does
Barney. Lily is happy to hear it. Ted shows up in drag, and Dad says
that leads to a whole nother story. They'll get there.

Ted confides in the Captain, he really thought he was going to kill him.
The Captain has a really dark sense of humor, and that's all that was about.

Marshall brings Robin home. His beer goggles kick in, and he sees Robin
turning into a mermaid. However, it's stopped when she vomits at his
feet. He's grateful to her.

Zoey meets Ted for coffee. She wasn't sick, she just bailed on them. She
thought it would be good if they spent some time together, and she was
right. The mermaid clock starts ticking.

Barney and Marshall sailor are out there, and Barney starts turning into
a mermaid.



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