The episode begins with Marshall and Lily enjoying their first night out together in five months. They want to know how things have been with their friends. Old Ted explains that when they had Marvin, Marshall and Lily issued a decree that no one could bring any issues or problems to them unless they ranked 8 or higher on the scale of significance. Barney thinks to the last woman he slept with and decides she was definitely not an 8. Marshall and Lily have to go right away because they need some time to themselves. The couple takes a stroll through New York. Suddenly, they're nearly hit by a taxi and Lily realizes "death is all around us".
They report back to the group that they spent the rest of their alone day planning their will. Lily cries through the whole thing. They then got to the part about picking a guardian. Marshall suggests his mom, which results in a 45-minute argument seen in high speed. They agree it won't be Marshall's mom. Lily suggests her mom, and this brings about a 78-minute fight in fast-forward. Lily suggests her dad. This results in a 1-second protest from Lily, who quickly agrees her dad is out. Marshall suggests his brother, Marcus. Lily agrees, but when Marshall calls Marcus he leans his brother has ditched his own family and moved to the Caribbean to be a mixologist at a tiki bar.
He's out. Ted volunteers to raise Marvin. Robin and Barney both volunteer, as well. Robin and Ted bring progressively larger teddy bears until Robin can't wrestle her bear into the apartment because it's larger than the doorway. Marshall and Lily finally decide it's too important a decision for their friends to be having such a "childish competition". Which is why they're going to make it an official competition: "Who Wants to Be a Godparent?" The first category, after a spin of the wheel of godparent scenarios, is "our demise".
Asked how he'd inform Marvin of his parents' demise, Barney adapts one of his pick-up stories for women to the situation, telling Marvin that his parents were called away by the president on a super-secret space mission for the good of the country. Lily isn't impressed. Robin says she'd be upfront and honest, and her graphic description of Marshall and Lily's death makes Lily sob. Ted's approach includes reminding Marvin of how long he's been his parents' best friend and how hard it will be for both of them to adjust and then he pulls out a puppet, "Professor Infosaurus," to provide the details. Ted wins the round. The topic of discipline comes up. Marvin has taken another kid's toy, so how would each one deal with the situation they are asked.
Barney takes away Marvin'a $1,900 alligator-skin belt and says he won't give it back until Marvin gives the kid's toy back. Until then, he'll have to wear a brown and black reversible leather belt. Marvin cries. Ted says he'd be firm, but fair, but gives in to every sad face Marvin makes in response. Ted winds up doing the dishes himself and getting Marvin ice cream “but no sprinkles". Then he admits, "OK, sprinkles". Robin says she'd do what her dad did. She'll send him to the British Columbia Military School for Boys. Robin wins the round "because we love her and she's in a safe space," Marshall says. The group agrees. After the lightning round, each of the three says they're the easiest choice and they start shouting over each other again. Marshall tells them they don't know what being a parent is about.
Barney tells them they don't know what it means to be friends anymore. Barney, Ted and Robin complain that this game is the most they've seen Marshall and Lily since Marvin was born, and they don't want to know about anything going on in their lives unless it ranks as an 8 or higher. Lily says the days of them shutting down McLaren's are over, unless any of the friends want to wake up with the screaming baby at 5:13 the next morning. Marshall tells them that the baby isn't "the most important thing" in their lives, it's "the only important thing" and they don't have time to sit around listening to their friends' "silly little dating problems". "When are you guys going to get that?" Marshall asks. "I think we get it," Ted says, and he leaves with Barney and Robin.
Marshall and Lily commiserate over how selfish their friends are being, but then realize that they have no idea what's going on in any of their friends' lives. Marshall and Lily decide they've been pretty crappy friends lately. At the bar, Ted, Barney and Robin are sitting around when Marshall and Lily stop in so they can talk. They've reached a decision: Lily says they've decided to revoke the "8 or higher" rule. And for the first time in nearly half a year, they all shut down McLaren's together. It is a great night until at 5:13 a.m., Marvin starts crying while Ted, Robin and Barney are sprawled out, asleep in the living room.
Marshall and Lily get up and head toward the nursery, but Ted tells them to "go back to bed, we got this". Ted and Robin go in to take care of Marvin. Barney walks out. Marshall and Lily decide on a guardian, with Lily saying, "No matter what happens, I want him to stay in the family". The names on the will are Ted Mosby, Robin Scherbatsky and Barney Stinson. The episode ends at this point.