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I Spy: Carry Me Back to Old Tsing Tao
A Chinese smuggler, Charlie Huan, wants to retire to Formosa, but the U.S. has blocked his visa. Since he owes $1 million to the IRS, he offers to pay his back taxes in return for the visa,. He gives Kelly and Scott a solid-gold stove to pay his debt, but his three greedy son-in-laws have other ideas... and as it turns out, so does Charlie.
In Hong Kong, Kelly is at a bar with a beautiful woman. As they flirt back and forth, a British mariner stumbles into their semi-private booth. When he tries to pick a fight, Kelly grabs him and asks the girl to take off his watch. Once the agent takes the mariner out into the alley, the man addresses Kelly by name and gives the proper code signs. He then tells Kelly that the agents' assignment is to contact Charlie Huan, a smuggler who used to work out of San Francisco. The mariner gives Kelly Charlie's address and says that the man will brief him and Scott when they get there. Kelly points out that they can't both leave the alley looking like they won the fight. The mariner is eager to punch Kelly but the agent drops him and goes back inside...Read the full recap
Kelly: Why can't you do it?
Mariner: Because I'm not one of you glamor boys. My cover's being a coalie for a lousy Dutch freighter. Two years and I haven't had an assignment yet where I can wear a clean, white, shirt. Unlike you cute glamor boys.
Kelly: My hotel bill is $40 a day. How about that?
Mariner: And you get to play with all that local talent.
Kelly: Well, it's a struggle.
Charlie Huan: I am exceedingly loved, which is good. And exceedingly rich, which is better.
Scott: I just wonder where he's got all that money.
Kelly: Half a million in each shoe.
Scott: One of the tallest people you'll ever see.
(considering stealing some gold)
Scott: No, we'd just lose our pension benefits.
Kelly: Think we'd lose our jobs?
Kelly: Such wonderful jobs, too.
Scott: And the hospitalization is free.
Kelly: All those marvelous orthopedic devices.
Scott: I just love plaster of Paris.
Scott: Hey now.
Scott: What's this?
Kelly: What's what?
Scott: A scar shaped like a crescent.
Kelly: Oh, that one.
Scott: How'd you get it?
Kelly: Stalking the elusive quarry.
Scott: Beautiful. Where?
Kelly: Well, it was in Old Tunis. There were four of us on three camels. We all knew that one of us was a spy.
Kelly: Well, we stopped at an oasis. None of us trusting the other. Each on guard. Each suspect. Very suspicious.
Kelly: Well, you got to get the picture. Desert, hot wind, oasis, full moon. Lonesome dog calling somewhere in the distance.
Scott: Then what happened?
Kelly: Well, the lonesome dog bit me.
Scott: I beg your pardon?
Kelly: Dumb dog ran right into my blankets and bit me!
Scott: Well, who was the spy?
Kelly: I've given you plenty of clues, so figure out who the spy was. Me! Two of the others were rug peddlers and the other one was looking for his camel.
Scott: Now, can the the Rover Boys be far behind?
Kelly: Say, you think maybe you have a point there. They were not in front. I wonder perhaps they might be in the alley.
Scott: They are the type.
Kelly: I'll tell you what--I'm a little bitter about all this. What about yourself?
Scott: Yes I am.
Kelly: What kind of shape are you in?
Scott: I'm in great shape.
Scott: And this time there's no element of surprise, no car crashes, and it's only three to two.
Kelly: We owe it to ourselves.
Scott: Yes we do. Pride!
Scott: Now, can the Rover Boys be far behind?
"The Rover Boys" was a children's book series first published in 1899, featuring, Tom, Dick, and Sam Rover as adventurous teenagers who often ended up fighting crime.