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It Takes a Thief: To Steal a Battleship

Alexander Mundy is assigned to recover NATO plans stolen by Bjornsen, who is offering them for sale to the wrong people. Mundy's primary obstacle is George Palmer, a thief who is after Mrs. Bjornsen's fabulous jewels, and thinks Mundy is a competitor.

Episode Info  

Episode number: 1x11
Airdate: Tuesday March 26th, 1968

Director: Michael Caffey
Writer: Jerry Devine

Guest Stars
Bill BixbyBill Bixby
As George Palmer
Linda MarshLinda Marsh
As Irena Damos

Co-Guest Stars
Sharon HarveySharon Harvey
As Temptress
John SebastianJohn Sebastian
As 3rd Man
Janis HansenJanis Hansen
As The Blonde
Maurice MarsacMaurice Marsac
As Mr. Bjornsen
Naomi StevensNaomi Stevens
As Mrs. Bjornsen
Ralph SmileyRalph Smiley
As Servant
Paul SorensonPaul Sorenson
As 1st Man
Main Cast
Robert WagnerRobert Wagner
As Alexander Mundy
Malachi ThroneMalachi Throne
As Noah Bain


Al arrives at the airport in Kronborg, Denmark, and makes his way through customs. A chauffeur informs him that Noah is waiting for him and escorts him out of the terminal. However, an attractive blonde grabs Al and kisses him. He greets her as “sweetheart” and she says she has a surprise for him. She tells him that there’s a man in the phone booth behind him and kisses Al again. The Blonde says that the man has a gun and will shoot Al if he doesn’t do what she tells him. She tells Al to get on a plane and he agrees as long as she comes with him. They go into the terminal together and the armed man, wearing a disguise, follows them, while the chauffeur sees Al being lead away and goes after him. The Blonde takes him to the gate and gives him a ticket to Geneva. The armed man comes up and tells Al to get going, and the thief heads down the boarding corridor. ..

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Episode Quotes
Noah: All right, Al, come on, let’s hear it.
Alexander: It was an attempted kidnap.
Noah: By a blonde?
Alexander: That’s the best kind.

Noah: You’ll be working with a woman. Her name is Irena Damos. She’s one of ours. You’ll meet her in the lobby.
Alexander: She’ll swoon all over me, right?
Noah: Wrong. You carry this. She’ll approach you and when she does, you ask her if this book belongs to her. She’ll answer, “Yes, this is my copy of Euripides."
Alexander: Sounds spicy.
Noah: I don’t know, I never read it.
Alexander: Do we really have to go through with the cloak-and-dagger bit?
Noah: We have our reasons.
Alexander: Oh, fine. I stand around the lobby like some idiot, waiting for some dame to come over to me and tell me that she’s lost her Euripides.
Noah: Oh, you could do it standing on your head.
Alexander: I ought to try. I’d be less conspicuous. You guys are beautiful.

Irena Damos: You are frivolous!
Alexander: Only when it counts.

Alexander: I’ve got a great idea. Why don’t we drive out into the country and we could go to one of those places where they have that marvelous peasant dancing.
Irena Damos: Impossible. I do not dance.
Alexander: What do you do?
Irena Damos: I work. You should try it.

George Palmer: Al. Well, I really am sorry to see you again. Now it looks like I’m going to have to get rough.
Alexander: Now, George, don’t do anything foolish. You never use guns.
George Palmer: Yes I do! As soon as I start feeling uptight.

Alexander: You might consider a merger.
George Palmer: You know what happens when a chicken merges with a weasel.
Alexander: Oh, baby, you really know how to hurt a guy.

George Palmer: Now, Al, I want you to listen to me very carefully. I’m very serious. Get lost. Now you know I can play pretty dirty if I have to.
Alexander: With old friends?
George Palmer: Especially with old friends. And most especially when the old friend is you.

Alexander: Let me tell you about my chum, George Palmer. He and I date back to tapping piggy banks together. He’s clever, resourceful, and almost as talented as I am.

Alexander: Didn’t Mr. Bain tell you about my talents?
Irena Damos: Yes, he did.
Alexander: Weren’t you impressed?
Irena Damos: By a thief?
Alexander: A thief. A thief who steals in the national interest. There’s a big difference. History books will tell you that they’ve erected monuments to men like me. Don’t shake your head. If I recover those NATO documents and you come to America, you might find me erected in the park. Would that attract you?
Irena Damos: No. But it would attract pigeons.
Alexander: That’s very funny.

Alexander: (answering the phone) Yes?
Noah: This is Bain. Wake up, I don’t pay you to sleep.
Alexander: You don’t pay me, period.

Alexander: We get the NATO papers, Palmer gets the necklace.
Noah: Oh no. No thievery.
Alexander: Thievery? What do you call taking the papers?
Noah: Political expediency.

Irena Damos: Where have you been?
Alexander: Studying my Euripedes. What have you been up to?
Irena Damos: Looking for you. Time is running out.
Alexander: Time will do that.

Episode Goofs
The stunt double filling in for Bill Bixby during the bedroom is noticeably older and heavier, with a different hairstyle.

Other Episode Crew

CreatorRoland Kibbee
Executive ProducerFrank Price
ProducerGene L. Coon
Associate ProducerMort Zarcoff
Music SupervisorStanley Wilson
HairstylistLarry Germain
Make-upBud Westmore
Set DecoratorJohn McCarthy, Jr.  |  Joseph J. Stone
Director of PhotographyAndrew Jackson (2)
Art DirectorAlexander A. Mayer
Film EditorRobert F. Shugrue
SoundEdwin J. Somers, Jr.
Assistant DirectorJohn Clarke Bowman
Unit ManagerAbby Singer
Story ConsultantDean Hargrove
Editorial SupervisorRichard Belding
CostumesBurton Miller
Color CoordinatorRobert Brower
Theme MusicDave Grusin
Missing Information
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