Charlie and Dee have been stealing Frank's delicious meats, so Frank leaves out human meat to get back at them. Driven by their cannibalistic needs, Charlie and Dee go in search of human flesh. Mac and Dennis harass Frank for hunting defenseless animals and think it would be much more badass to hunt something that could fight back ... like a human.
Charlie, Mac, and Dennis formulate a plan to take advantage of the rising gas prices. By purchasing excess amounts now, they can sell it in the future and profit. As usual, things don't go as planned. Dee is also out to make money when she learns that Bruce is going to give the family fortune to a Muslim cultural center. She and Frank try to stop him and get the cash for themselves.
Due to the gang's latest "business expenses," Paddy's is in dire need of money. Frank buys a billboard to advertise the bar, but Dee decides to create a viral video to post on YouTube for promotion. Charlie quickly joins her, leaving Frank and Mac to hold a contest for some hot models to feature on the billboard. Naturally, Dennis joins the competition to prove his worth.
Charlie finds out that the waitress has been seeing someone. He calls on Mac, his so-called best friend, to find out more information about the guy and to beat him up. However, it turns out that Mac is the guy the waitress has supposedly been seeing. Dennis, heartbroken that he's not Charlie's best friend, tries to win him over.
Songs: Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky -- Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy, Whitesnake -- Here I Go Again
Mac's father is being released from prison, and since Mac and Charlie are the ones who accidentally sent him there, they're certain he's going to come after them. In order to save themselves, they decide to fake their own deaths. Meanwhile, Dennis, Dee, and Frank discover a glory hole in the bar's restroom.
Mac and Charlie continue pretending to be dead in order to avoid a run-in with Mac's father. The rest of the gang tries to deal with their deaths. Dee, however, is not easily fooled and insists that they're really alive somewhere. Dennis hunts for new roommates to fill the void. Frank finds a new friend to replace Charlie.
Johann Pachelbel -- Canon in D, Bon Jovi
-- Wanted Dead or Alive
Charlie and Frank awake to find poop in their bed. Neither will confess to being the owner, so they, Mac, and Dennis try to scientifically deduce who dropped the deuce. Dee wants to do something a bit more sophisticated, so she invites the waitress and Artemis to a girls' night out.
A newspaper critic trashes the gang in his latest review and refers to Paddy's as the worst bar in Philly. They confront him in an attempt to rectify themselves, but his rudeness sends Charlie off the deep end. Overcome by anger, he kidnaps the critic. Dennis and Dee try to cover up Charlie's tracks but end up making things even more complicated.
Dennis comes across an old book he wrote containing his sexual adventures, and Mac and Frank urge him to sell the book for profit. However, many of the stories in the memoir are untrue, so they send Dennis to recreate some of them. Meanwhile, Charlie and Dee argue about being misunderstood by each other, so they each spend a day in the other person's shoes to gain some perspective.
When Dee's heart attack puts her in the hospital, she and Dennis learn that their father canceled their health insurance policy. The two decide to get in shape to stay healthy. Charlie and Mac, who are also without insurance, get jobs in a company's mail room to take advantage of the benefits. Frank returns from the hospital with a bunch of prescribed pills, which he foolishly takes all at once.
In order to attract more business, the gang visits the Historical Society to get Paddy's certified as an historical landmark. They claim that the bar played a significant role in the cracking of the Liberty Bell and proceed to tell the story, going back to the year 1776 to do so.
Songs: (Unknown artist) -- Yankee Doodle
The gang realizes that in order to get rewarded, they need to build up good karma by helping other people. Following the premise of Extreme Makeover: Home Edition, they decide to renovate the home of Charlie's Mexican neighbors. Charlie, Dennis, and Frank handle the physical labor of the project while Mac and Dee take care of Americanizing the confused family.
Co-Guest Stars: Retta
as Hardware Store Clerk
Songs: Julia Ward Howe -- The Battle Hymn of the Republic, John Philip Sousa -- The Washington Post, (Unknown artist) -- Yankee Doodle
In an attempt to impress the waitress, Charlie writes a musical to be performed at a local theater. The rest of the gang is recruited to star in the play, including Mac as the Nightman, Dennis as the Dayman, Dee as the coffee shop princess, and Frank as the troll. Unbeknown to them, Charlie has a special finale in mind starring himself.