David Hornsby, who played Father Matthew, is a writer on the series.

Frank: It could be a miracle. It could be bullshit. There's only one thing we know for sure.
Charlie: What's that?
Frank: It's a goddamn gold mine.

Mac: Man, we are really pushing our luck with the big guy upstairs on this one.
Charlie: Dude, if you don't think you're already going to hell, you need to take a long look at yourself, bro.

Charlie: Let's go around ... let's bless people.
Mac: Well, actually I should bless people, though, but you could be my right-hand man. You could be my Peter.
Charlie: Oh. OK, I'll be your Peter.
Mac: Dress a little nicer, though, 'cause you look like shit.

Frank: How'd it go with the priest?
Dee: Not gonna happen.
Frank: What, did you put the moves on him?
Dee: First of all, gross. I don't think you're supposed to whore out your kids. Second of all, that guy is a really good person, you know, and I've treated him like shit his whole life. For once I'm gonna do the right thing.
Frank: He thinks you're too old, huh?
Dee: Goddamn it, why do I speak to you, ever?

Charlie: (singing) I got the good Lord, he's going down on me.
Mac: The good Lord is going down on you? What is that supposed to mean, Charlie?
Charlie: What, it's like—
Mac: Why are you dressed like this?
Charlie: Come on, man. It's perfect.
Mac: Where did you get it?
Charlie: I have my sources.
Mac: Charlie, I told you to dress nice. We look like salt and pepper shakers!

Charlie: Now technically that stain did appear to me. Also, I am familiar with carpentry, and I don't know who my father is, so ... am I the messiah? I don't know. I could be. I'm not ruling it out.
Mac: The messiah?
Charlie: I'm just not ruling it out is all.
Mac: You gotta be kidding me, dude.
Charlie: Well, the Lord works in mysterious ways.
Mac: Oh, I knew you were gonna ruin this for me. Goddamn it.
Charlie: Ooh, I really wish you wouldn't take my name in vain.

Charlie: Here's a confession. I'm in love with a man. What? I'm in love with a man ... a man called God. Does that make me gay? Am I gay for God? You betcha.

Mac: Well, you wanna have a little competition?
Charlie: Like what?
Mac: Let's go toe-to-toe on the Bible, bitch.
Charlie: Ask and ye shall receive, sucka.

Charlie: What's gonna happen to Moses? His feet aren't gonna get burned. No, God is gonna reward him with some sweet-ass shoes! It's like, "Oh—oh, you risk your feet, you get some shoes!" That's the way God works. 'Cause God loves us. Trust in God ... he'll give you shoes.

(Dennis passes out)
Frank: That's what you get for not eatin’.
Mac: Hey, Cricket! You know what would make you feel better?
Cricket: What could possibly make me feel better?
Mac: You wanna teabag Dennis? (he thinks about it and agrees) I'll get the camera!