Dennis: (about MySpace) You create a profile, and then you put your picture on there, and then other people send you pictures of themselves, and they wanna be your friend.
Mac: Oh. So that's the saddest thing I've ever heard. You guys are losers.
Dennis: How are we losers, dude?
Mac: Well, maybe it boils down to this, smart guy: computers are for losers.
Dennis: You're drinking a beer at eight o’clock in the morning.
Mac: Whatever, dude. Irrelevant.
Dennis: Dee, this guy can't be our dad. That's ridiculous!
Dee: Is it? Is it any more ridiculous than our dad having brown eyes, black hair, and being four-foot-ten?
Frank: Barbara. Your turkey neck is looking exceptionally attractive this evening.
Barbara: You have turned into a retarded person.
Frank: You're a retard.
Mac: Frank, what's going on here? What happened?
Frank: I had a minor stroke. No big deal.
Charlie: What's with the gun, dude?
Frank: I'm trying to find the son of a bitch who fathered my children.
Charlie: What, by doing MySpace?
Frank: Yeah, and I did everything they said to do. I put a picture, a profile. The thing won't tell me where the bastard lives.
Charlie: Did you send him a friend request?
Frank: I don't wanna be his friend. I wanna shoot him in the face.
Mac: Charlie, this is our opportunity to prove to people that we are to be respected. No one is more respected than dudes in prison, right?
Mac: And what are dudes in prison?
Mac: Right. This is our chance to get hard!
Charlie: OK, OK, I just don't know if this is the best way to get hard.
Mac: Of course it is! This is totally hard! Look, you wanna get hard, don't you?
Charlie: Oh, I wanna get hard. I wanna get very, very hard.
Mac: All right! Do you wanna shove heroin into your ass?
Charlie: Dude, I don't wanna shove anything in my ass.
Mac: Great, this is the perfect opportunity to prove how hard we are and not have to shove anything into our asses!
Frank: (about MySpace) I got no friends!
Charlie: Stop saying that. You have friends.
Frank: Right, I got you, I got this guy Tom, and that crazy woman who claims we had a one-night stand thirty years ago.
Charlie: Right, yeah. Tom doesn't really count, though. He kind of, like, comes with it.
Dee: (to Barbara) We had the best time last night.
Dennis: Bruce is the coolest. We went to this Lupus event last night. Lupus is awesome!
Barbara: Well, I don't think we should be lying to the sick children.
Dee: I was trying to be encouraging.
Barbara: Well, what if he doesn't get better? You're gonna look like a fool.
Dennis: Mom, I gotta say I agree with Dee. I mean, the kid's gonna die anyway. What difference does it make?
Boy: I can hear you.