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It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia :: Dennis Looks Like a Registered Sex Offender (03x11)
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Episode Information |
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| Title: | Dennis Looks Like a Registered Sex Offender |
| Episode #: | 03x11 |
| Production Number: | IP03005 |
| Original Airdate: | Thursday October 25th, 2007 |
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Episode Summary |
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A nearby prison has just released some of its inmates due to overcrowding. This becomes problematic for Dennis, who looks exactly like one of the ex-cons. Another one of the released prisoners is Mac's dad, Luther. This is an exciting time for Mac, who desperately wants to bond with his father and have the childhood he never got to experience. While Mac tries to bring his parents back together, Charlie tries to break his parents apart when Frank leaves him for Charlie's mother.
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Guest Stars |
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Main Cast |
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Featured Songs |
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| Artist | Song Title | Played When | | •Styx | Lady | Mac, Charlie, and Luther are in the car |
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Episode Quotes |
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Dee: (about Luther) This man should not work here.
Charlie: Dude, why are you attacking us?
Dee: Because this guy looks like he wants to eat me. Has he ever eaten anybody that you know of?
Mac: I don't think so...
Charlie: No, but I mean it'd be pretty cool if he did, don't you think?
Dee: (sarcastically) Oh, yeah. Yeah, that is really cool.
Charlie: Dee, think about the dedication you gotta put into eating a human body, man.
| Dee: Are you listening to me? I don't wanna get eaten!
Dennis: Eaten? What, he eats people? That's awesome.
Dee: That's not awesome! Why do you guys think that eating people is awesome?
Dennis: It just is.
| Dennis: Mac's dad probably hasn't seen a woman in a very long time, and as soon as he comes across one that's actually attractive, he's gonna forget all about you, just like every other man does.
Dee: Why do you do that?
| Frank: Charlie, I need a woman.
Charlie: OK.
Frank: I need a woman to—to cook for me and clean up after me and somebody who'll do everything I say.
Charlie: Well, that—that's just a maid. You want a maid?
Frank: Yeah, that's right, a maid. A maid I can bang.
| Charlie: You're not gonna find a bang maid 'cause there's no such thing.
Frank: I already did. Your mom. Good-bye.
| (Charlie has been siphoning boxed wine into jars)
Mac: Where'd all these jars come from?
Charlie: I emptied out all the tomato sauce.
Mac: Hm, seems to me like it'd be easier to steal the box than jars of liquid.
Charlie: No, no, the jars—it's ea—you empt— (sighs) You know what? Where were you ten minutes ago when I was coming up with this plan, man?
| Mac: This is, uh, delicious, Charlie.
Charlie: Why, thank you, Mac.
Frank: It's crap, pure unadulterated crap.
Charlie: Uh, mother, how's yours?
Charlie's Mom: Um ... (looks at Frank) It's crap, pure unadulterated crap.
Charlie: Well, I'm not surprised you're saying that considering I took a crap in yours.
| Frank: (about Charlie's mom) She doesn't want anymore.
Charlie: Shut up, Frank. You don't know what she wants any more than she knows what you want, but you know who knows what you want, Frank? I do. I've always known what you want, bro, and I can give you what you want, man. Just let me give you what you want, Frank.
| Charlie: (to his mom) You know, and this might also appeal to the whore in you, uh, he happens to have beautiful sparkling blue eyes that just pop right out of his head.
Luther: I don't blink.
Charlie: The man doesn't blink, Mom! The man doesn't blink!
| Charlie: (to Frank) This is about you and me, bro! This is about dudes living together, hanging out, sharing their bed and their home and their life!
Mac: No, Charlie, that's not what this is about!
Charlie: Yes, it's what it's about!
Mac: No! This is about—this is about people meeting back up after many years and sparks flying and families getting back together and raising little boys so that they can be happy again, OK? Happy boys! This is about happy boys!
| (Dennis and Dee try to get Wendell to leave town)
Dennis: Timmy, will you recite for our husky friend here the little courtroom speech we prepared?
Timmy: I have a friend. His name is Wendell. He showed me funny movies with fully naked people in them. He gives me juice boxes that make me sleep easy.
Wendell: All right, I get it.
Timmy: He's silly. He's a tickle monster!
Wendell: Listen, kid, I said I get it, OK?
Timmy: He makes me taste things I don't want to. He puts things in my heinie!
Wendell: Goddamn it, will you make the kid stop, please? Come on.
Dee: Yeah, I think that oughtta do it.
Dennis: Yeah, that's good, Timmy. So you'll leave?
Wendell: Yeah. I'll leave. (winks at Timmy and closes the door)
| Charlie: (about Luther) I think he's killing those people.
Mac: Charlie...
Charlie: Holy shit, he's killing them! He's probably eating them, too, dude. And although I think eating people is very cool, not if we're involved, man.
| (Mac sees that Charlie's name is on Luther's list)
Charlie: I don't belong on there!
Mac: I know.
Charlie: That's bullshit! You don't put a man on the list. Rip it off! Rip it off! You think he memorized it? Of course he memorized—you know, that's pointless. Oh, my God. What is this about? Why am I on the list?
Mac: Charlie...
Charlie: It's the heroin thing. Remember when he asked us to put heroin in our butts and smuggle it into prison, and we didn't do it? Oh, and now he's all hot and bothered just 'cause we don't give him heroin and we don't put it in our butts, man? You don't do that! You don't eat someone 'cause they don't have heroin in their ass!
Mac: Let's get outta here. Let's get outta here.
(Charlie screams)
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Episode References |
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Charlie: (to Luther) Hey, man. Hey, by the way, real sorry about that whole heroin incident, in the butt...
In "Dennis and Dee Get a New Dad," Mac and Charlie visit Mac's dad in prison. He asks them to smuggle heroin into the prison for him by shoving it up their asses, but they never do it.
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Episode Notes |
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Episode Goofs |
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Cultural References |
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Analysis |
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