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It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia: Bums: Making a Mess All Over the City
Masturbating bums have become a problem. Mac and Dee turn to a neighborhood crime watch group for help in cleaning up the streets but find they're going to have to take matter's into their own hands. Frank, Dennis, and Charlie are less concerned with the entire neighborhood and look for a junkyard dog to keep undesirables away from the bar. They happen upon an old police car and take to impersonating cops.
| 7.8/10 (5 Votes cast) |
Episode Info
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Episode number: 3x14 Production Number: IP03004 Airdate: Thursday November 08th, 2007 |
Main Cast
Episode Quotes
Neighborhood Leader: If we see anything suspicious, we call the police.
Mac: The police? The police. The streets are flooded with the ejaculate of the homeless, and you people are counting on the police?
Mac: The police? The police. The streets are flooded with the ejaculate of the homeless, and you people are counting on the police?
Junkyard Owner: We got a cat 'round here somewhere.
Frank: Cat? We don't—we don't want a cat.
Junkyard Owner: Wait a minute. Wait a minute, believe me. That's a tough cat. He was born in a pool of gasoline on a piece of rusty scrap metal. I've seen that cat jump through barbed wire into a vat of hot tar. That cat? Is indestructible.
Frank: Cat? We don't—we don't want a cat.
Junkyard Owner: Wait a minute. Wait a minute, believe me. That's a tough cat. He was born in a pool of gasoline on a piece of rusty scrap metal. I've seen that cat jump through barbed wire into a vat of hot tar. That cat? Is indestructible.
(Dennis and Frank show up in police uniforms)
Charlie: Are you shittin' me? You didn't get me one? You guys know how I love dressing up in costumes, dude!
Charlie: Are you shittin' me? You didn't get me one? You guys know how I love dressing up in costumes, dude!
Frank: Charlie, you can be disguised as an undercover cop in the backseat.
Dennis: Oh, yeah, dude. Then you can wear all the disguises you want.
Charlie: Dammit! That is such a good idea!
Dennis: Oh, yeah, dude. Then you can wear all the disguises you want.
Charlie: Dammit! That is such a good idea!
(Mac and Dee find themselves in a dangerous neighborhood)
Dee: We can do this.
Mac: We're gonna make these streets safe, and everything is go—
(gunshot)
Mac: OK, that was a gunshot.
Dee: Oh, my God! We're gonna die here today!
Dee: We can do this.
Mac: We're gonna make these streets safe, and everything is go—
(gunshot)
Mac: OK, that was a gunshot.
Dee: Oh, my God! We're gonna die here today!
Dee: Let's find a guy and figure out where the bus stop is.
Mac: (points toward a suit-wearing black man in a rocking chair reading a book) He seems safe. Let's ask him.
Dee: He seems nice.
Mac: OK. (they walk past the black man and approach a white man huddled on the ground) Excuse me, sir? Oh, thank God we found you. We are in a very rough neighborhood, and we are lost.
Dee: Yes, could you please direct us to the nearest bus stop?
(the guy pulls out a gun and smiles)
Mac: (points toward a suit-wearing black man in a rocking chair reading a book) He seems safe. Let's ask him.
Dee: He seems nice.
Mac: OK. (they walk past the black man and approach a white man huddled on the ground) Excuse me, sir? Oh, thank God we found you. We are in a very rough neighborhood, and we are lost.
Dee: Yes, could you please direct us to the nearest bus stop?
(the guy pulls out a gun and smiles)
Dennis: I will jam you up so hard. I will jam you from morning until night. You wanna get jammed up?
Pedestrian: No.
Dennis: Huh? You like getting jammed up?
Pedestrian: No.
Dennis: No. I didn't think so.
Pedestrian: No.
Dennis: Huh? You like getting jammed up?
Pedestrian: No.
Dennis: No. I didn't think so.
Dee: What's with the cat?
Dennis: Don't start in on the cat. I swear to God I will jam you into the middle of next week. We will jam and jam and jam until there is nothing left of the two of you to jam. Do you understand what we're saying to you?
Dee: Not really.
Mac: Calm down, dude.
Dennis: Don't start in on the cat. I swear to God I will jam you into the middle of next week. We will jam and jam and jam until there is nothing left of the two of you to jam. Do you understand what we're saying to you?
Dee: Not really.
Mac: Calm down, dude.
(Charlie slides a cassette across the desk)
Police Clerk: What is this?
Charlie: That right there is a tale of corruption and intrigue, the likes of which are gonna rock this city.
Police Clerk: (reading the label) "Spin Doctors Mix"?
Charlie: No, I taped over the Spin Doctors mix.
Police Clerk: Sir, I do not have time to listen to your mix tape.
Police Clerk: What is this?
Charlie: That right there is a tale of corruption and intrigue, the likes of which are gonna rock this city.
Police Clerk: (reading the label) "Spin Doctors Mix"?
Charlie: No, I taped over the Spin Doctors mix.
Police Clerk: Sir, I do not have time to listen to your mix tape.
Charlie: (shouting in the police station) Who wants a piece of Serpico? 'Cause I'll give it to you! I'll give a piece because you're forgetting about (points to the American flag) this! And you're forgetting about (grabs the state flag) ... whatever the hell that is! But you're forgettin' about it! (holds up cassette) And I'm gonna take this right to the mayor! And you're gonna remember! (kicks open the door and leaves)
Police Clerk: We really gotta do something about these homeless people.
Police Clerk: We really gotta do something about these homeless people.
Cultural References
Visual: Mac's "WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT DICKNOSE" t-shirt
This is a reference to the 1985 movie Teen Wolf, starring Michael J. Fox as a teenager who discovers he's a werewolf. Fox's best friend, Stiles, wears a t-shirt with the above slogan. Stiles was played by Jerry Levine, who happened to direct this episode.
This is a reference to the 1985 movie Teen Wolf, starring Michael J. Fox as a teenager who discovers he's a werewolf. Fox's best friend, Stiles, wears a t-shirt with the above slogan. Stiles was played by Jerry Levine, who happened to direct this episode.
Dee: We look like Rerun.
Rerun was a character on the '70s sitcom What's Happening!! played by Fred Berry. Rerun's outfit included a red beret and suspenders, much like what Mac and Dee wear as vigilantes.
Rerun was a character on the '70s sitcom What's Happening!! played by Fred Berry. Rerun's outfit included a red beret and suspenders, much like what Mac and Dee wear as vigilantes.
Dennis: Do not refer to him as a junkyard cat. He has a name: Agent Jack Bauer.
Kiefer Sutherland plays Jack Bauer in the show 24. Bauer is a government agent in various areas, including the Counter Terrorist Unit (CTU) that Dennis later references.
Kiefer Sutherland plays Jack Bauer in the show 24. Bauer is a government agent in various areas, including the Counter Terrorist Unit (CTU) that Dennis later references.
Charlie: I'm gonna become Al Pacino in Serpico.
In the crime film Serpico, Al Pacino plays Frank Serpico, an honest cop who wants nothing to do with the corrupt officers he works with. He eventually goes undercover to expose the immorality taking place.
In the crime film Serpico, Al Pacino plays Frank Serpico, an honest cop who wants nothing to do with the corrupt officers he works with. He eventually goes undercover to expose the immorality taking place.
Charlie: All right, that's it. I'm walkin'!
Dennis: Oh, you're gonna do Christopher Walken now?
Christopher Walken is a well-known Oscar-winning American actor.
Dennis: Oh, you're gonna do Christopher Walken now?
Christopher Walken is a well-known Oscar-winning American actor.
Police Clerk: (reading the tape's label) "Spin Doctors Mix"?
The Spin Doctors are an American rock band that began in the '90s. Their most popular song was "Two Princes," released in 1993.
The Spin Doctors are an American rock band that began in the '90s. Their most popular song was "Two Princes," released in 1993.
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