Historical Society Woman: So you're claiming that your bar had a direct role in the cracking of the Liberty Bell?
Charlie: Absolutely.
Historical Society Woman: Well, then tell me about it.
Charlie: Well, the year was 1412...

Dennis: You are my slave. You have to get me flagons of ale. I saved you from being burned at the stake for being a witch!
Dee: You're the one who accused me of being a witch in the first place, Dennis.
Dennis: Mm, well, what's done is done. That's all in the past now, so you can either be a slave witch in the bar, or you can be a burned-up witch outside. Up to you!

Mac: She told me in complete confidence that a bunch of old dudes down there are drafting a declaration—a declaration of independence.
Dennis: Wait, why would we wanna be free from the British?
Mac: This declaration is gonna start an all-out war, and we have to make sure we are not on the losing side.
Dennis: Definitely.
Mac: OK, clearly, the British are gonna win this thing.
Dennis: Clearly.

Frank: We're not traders, Charlie. We're thieves. You want his pumpkins? We kill him and take his pumpkins. This is 1776! We'll get away with it!
Pumpkin Guy: I can hear you.

Cricket: You harbor patriots.
Dennis: Oh, whoops. No, no, no.
Mac: No!
Dennis: No, nayeth.
Mac: Nayeth! Bad intel, there.

Cricket: I wish to court her in some manner, and ... I could use your help because I'm not, admittedly, very good with women.
Dennis: Good with women? You, uh, you mean, good at women?
Mac: Like, you can't catch them when they run away from you? Bro, it's 1776. They don't have any rights. You can just take 'em and force 'em to do whatever you want.
Cricket: I do not wish to take her. I would like to win her favor, like a gentleman does a lady.
Dennis: That just does not compute with me.
Mac: I don't understand what you're saying.
Dennis: Digging the accent, but don't understand you.
Mac: Are you saying—are you saying you're gay?

Charlie: Now, why is the witch slave shooting at you anyway?
Frank: Maybe she used her sorcery.
Dee: Sorcery? Your dumb dick partner walked into the bar, said he stole a bunch of guns, and asked if I wanted to shoot a pumpkin off his head, and of course I did, so ... here we are.
Frank: Damn your necromancy, woman!

Dee: Yes, can I help you?
Cricket: (bows) Colonel Cricket. (Dee just stares at him) We met the other day. (Dee continues to stare) I was the one you delivered the keg to. (Dee continues to stare) You spit in my face.
Dee: Oh, yup, yup, there it is.

Cricket: (running inside the bar) Help! Help me!
Dee: Are you OK? Are you dying? No, no, no, no! Don't die yet! Don't die yet until you get me to your mansion!

(Frank accidentally blows off Cricket's head)
Dee: Goddamn it, Frank. You just ruined my whole life!
Charlie: Wait, wait, wait, wait. Check his pulse.
Dee: He doesn't have a head!

Charlie: (referring to a painting of George Washington) Oh, well, we gotta suffer just because some old who looks like Meryl Streep chopped down a cherry tree, like, ten million years ago?

Meryl Streep is an accomplished actress who does bear a strange resemblance to George Washington.