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It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia: Charlie Wants an Abortion

A woman from Charlie's past returns to tell him that he's the father of her ten-year-old son. Charlie agrees to spend some time with the bratty kid, with the sole intention of taking him to get a paternity test. The appearance of the child brings up the topic of abortion, and Mac tries to learn more about the issue. He meets a pro-life protester named Megan, whom he tries to impress by pretending to be very interested in the cause.

Episode Info  

Episode number: 1x2
Production Number: IP01003
Airdate: Thursday August 11th, 2005
Network: FX

Director: John Fortenberry
Writer: Charlie Day

Alternate Airdates:

NL (Comedy Central) Jul 07, 2009

 
Guest Stars
Mary Elizabeth EllisMary Elizabeth Ellis
As Waitress
Recurring
Heather DonahueHeather Donahue
As Stacy Corvelli

Co-Guest Stars
Cormac BluestoneCormac Bluestone
As Jimmy Doyle
Recurring
Amy HigginsAmy Higgins
As Receptionist
Amy HigginsAmy Higgins
As Receptionist
Holly ReiserHolly Reiser
As Girl With Shirt
Esther EllsworthEsther Ellsworth
As Hippie Girl
Esther EllsworthEsther Ellsworth
As Hippie Girl
Sonia JacksonSonia Jackson
As Crack Whore
Sonia JacksonSonia Jackson
As Crack Whore
Benton JenningsBenton Jennings
As Pro-Lifer
Benton JenningsBenton Jennings
As Pro-Lifer
Main Cast
Charlie DayCharlie Day
As Charlie Kelly
Glenn HowertonGlenn Howerton
As Dennis Reynolds
Glenn HowertonGlenn Howerton
As Dennis Reynolds
Kaitlin OlsonKaitlin Olson
As Deandra "Sweet Dee" Reynolds
Kaitlin OlsonKaitlin Olson
As Deandra "Sweet Dee" Reynolds
Episode Quotes
Dennis: You cut the sleeves off of all your t-shirts. What, so you could show off your tats? Those are really original, dude.
Mac: They're tribal.
Dennis: Oh, they're—they're tri—I'm sorry, what tribe are you from?

Charlie: There's, like, no way that this is possible.
Dee: Well, did you have sex with her?
Charlie: Yeah.
Dee: OK, did you use birth control?
Mac: Whoa, Dee, we went to Catholic school, so...

Tommy: You're ugly.
Charlie: You're ugly.
Tommy: You're ugly!
Charlie: You are the one that's ugly!
Tommy: You're ugly!
Charlie: You're ugly!
Dee: Charlie! Jesus Christ, are you almost thirty? Are you almost thirty years old?

Tommy: You have to buy me a toy!
Charlie: I don't have to buy you shit.
Tommy: If you don't buy me anything, I'm gonna tell my mom you took me to a black people's hospital.
Charlie: Wow. Oh, my God, that's racist.

Charlie: So is that cute little girl your...
Waitress: I'm her Big Sister.
Charlie: (looks at the girl) Oh. (looks back at the girl) Hm, that's weird. She looks Mexican.
Waitress: She is Mexican. It's the Big Sister program. She's not my real little sister.

Megan: Hey, you're really hardcore, aren't you?
Mac: Oh, well, you know. I mean, if you really wanna see hardcore... (hands her a piece of paper)
Megan: What's this?
Mac: That’s the list of doctors I'm gonna kill.
Megan: There's two already crossed out.
Mac: Yeah, I know.

Dee: Are you actually gonna throw away all your convictions for a chance to get laid?
Dennis: (laughing) I don't really have any convictions.

(at the abortion rally)
Dennis: You know what? I think all these chicks are gay.
Dee: Yeah, I don't know that they're gay. I think they can just smell how disgusting you are.
Dennis: (scoffs) Sucks for me.



Cultural References
Mac: Do you represent the Lollipop Guild, Charlie?

The Lollipop Guild is from the movie The Wizard of Oz. It's represented by three little munchkins who come out and sing while dancing in the same stilted fashion as Dennis, Mac, and Charlie.

Mac: I love the smell of protest in the morning.
Megan: What?
Mac: I was quoting that movie. You know, Apocalypse Now, napalm in the morning.

Apocalypse Now is a film that takes place during the Vietnam War. Lt. Colonel Bill Kilgore remarks, "I love the smell of napalm in the morning."



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