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It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia :: Charlie Has Cancer (01x04)

 
Episode Information
 
Title: Charlie Has Cancer
Episode #: 01x04
Production Number: IP01004
Original Airdate: Tuesday August 23rd, 2005
9.8/10 (4 Votes cast)
Other Release Dates: (Edit)
Country: Aired On:
NL (Comedy Central) Jul 13, 2009
Episode Crew
Director: Rob McElhenney
Writer: Rob McElhenney
 
Episode Summary
 
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When Mac and Dennis learn that Charlie has cancer, they attempt to find a woman so that he can get laid one last time. Mac suggests asking Carmen, a good-looking woman he has seen at the bar. Though she may be hot, she's actually a transsexual. The guys then decide to go after the woman Charlie has been pursuing: the waitress. However, they'll need help from Dee, who is in over her head trying to single-handedly run the bar.
 
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Guest Stars
 
Guest Stars
Artemis PebdaniplayedArtemisRecurring (first appearance)
Brittany DanielplayedCarmenRecurring (first appearance)
Mary Elizabeth EllisplayedWaitressRecurring (third appearance)
Co-Guest Stars
Dennis HoganplayedConstruction Worker 
Dennis HartplayedConstruction Worker #2 
 
Main Cast
 
Charlie Day (1)playedCharlie Kelly
Glenn HowertonplayedDennis Reynolds
Rob McElhenneyplayedMac
Kaitlin OlsonplayedDeandra "Sweet Dee" Reynolds
 
Featured Songs
 
ArtistSong TitlePlayed When
Rick AstleyNever Gonna Give You UpDennis is in the car; montage with Charlie and Mac
 
Episode Quotes
 
Dee: Yeah, but Charlie's got such great hair. Is he gonna lose all of his hair?
Dennis: Yeah, he probably is.
Mac: Well, so what kind of cancer is it?
Dennis: I don't know, man.
Mac: Well, when does he go in for treatment?
Dennis: He didn't say. You know, we just stood there for a long time and didn't say much, you know, and we cried together, and I held him for a while, and that was it.
Mac: (skeptically) Mm-hm.
Dee: That is so sad. He is gonna look so bad without that hair.
 
Dennis: What's the one thing that Charlie never gets?
Mac: Laid.
Dennis: Right!
 
Dennis: I don't get it, Dee. There are tons of women in this city. Where do they go?
Dee: Uh, they're at the velvet rope clubs on Delaware Avenue.
Dennis: Why?
Dee: Dennis, our bar is in South Philly in a scary alley. Might as well call it Rape Bar.
 
Mac: Carmen, you have the most amazing body. Are you bulimic or what?
 
Mac: So Sweet Dee's in?
Dennis: Yeah, uh, under one condition.
Mac: What?
Dennis: She gets to punch you in the face.
 
Mac: (about Carmen) She's getting it removed.
Dennis: So what?
Mac: I'm just putting in my time, you know, so that afterwards—
Dennis: Gross, dude.
Mac: —I'll be first...
Dennis: Gross.
 
(Carmen sneaks up behind Mac and he accidentally punches her)
Man 1: That guy's beating on that chick!
Mac: On, no—you know, it's a dude. Yeah, she has a penis, so it's—it's OK.
Man 2: Dude, isn't that a hate crime?
Man 1: Shit yeah, it's a hate crime!
 
Charlie: Sometimes you gotta crack a few eggs to make an omelet.
Dennis: You gotta crack a couple eggs to make an omelet?
Charlie: Yeah, you gotta crack an egg.
Dennis: Oh, is that your new—so you're throwing down life lessons now, huh?
Charlie: I'm throwing down eggs!
Dennis: Huh, class is in session. The teacher's teaching class now!
Charlie: I'm—I'm cracking eggs of wisdom.
 
Dennis: The waitress doesn't even like you!
Charlie: Yeah?
Dennis: We had to pay her two hundred and fifty dollars to have sex with you!
Charlie: Ah-ha! Because ... sex? We didn't have sex.
 
 
Episode Notes
 
 
 
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Episode References
 
 
 
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