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It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
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| Title: | Gun Fever |
| Episode Number: | 5 |
| Season: | 1 |
| Season Episode #.: | 5 |
| Production Number: | IP01005 |
| Original Airdate: | Tuesday August 30th, 2005 |
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After the bar gets robbed, Mac and Dennis buy a gun to prevent another crime. The police do not offer much help in finding the perpetrator, but Mac and Dennis become suspicious of Dee's new boyfriend, Colin. Meanwhile, Charlie must contend with a frustrated landlord who is demanding overdue rent payment.
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| Mac: You're such a dildo, dude.
Dennis: Thanks, dude, thanks. That's a good way to start the day.
Mac: Is that, uh, soy veggie health drink supposed to erase the damage you did to your liver last night?
Dennis: Is that coffee gonna help you forget that elephant that you slept with last night?
| Mac: Gimme a sip of this.
Dennis: No!
Mac: I just wanna try it.
Dennis: You do not get to taste my delicious healthy drink after making fun of it.
| Dennis: (after shooting a log for target practice) How do you like me now, log?
Mac: You totally killed that log, dude!
| Dennis: Describe what you feel.
Charlie: I feel like, uh, I feel focused, and I feel badass and just, um ... badass! You know?
Dennis: I think he's got it, Mac.
Mac: Yes, he does.
Charlie: Got what?
Mac: Charlie, my boy, you've got the gun fever.
| Mac: I hope Charlie didn't do anything stupid.
Dennis: Whatever Charlie's doing right now, it's probably pretty stupid. Let's just hope nobody got hurt.
| (an intruder tries to escape from the bar)
Dennis: He's getting away!
Mac: Shoot him!
Dennis: What?
Mac and Dee: Shoot him!
Dee: Shoot him in his face!
| Charlie: Did you shoot me, Dennis?
Dennis: IâIâno! Iâ
Charlie: Why did you shoot me?
Dee: Oh, my God!
Dennis: Oh, my God, dude. Are youâare you OK?
Dee: Where are you shot?
Charlie: In my head!
| Mac: You shot him in the head, bro!
Dennis: No, if I shot him in the head, he'd be dead, Mac.
Charlie: No, it really hurts. I gotta go to a hospital.
Dennis: Um, all right, man. I'll call an ambulance.
Mac: Bro, the hospital's like three blocks away. We should just drive him!
Dennis: I know that, but I don't wanna get blood stains all over the interior of my car.
| (Charlie lies in a hospital bed)
Dennis: How you feeling, buddy?
Charlie: You shot me, dude.
Mac: Oh, but, Charlie, you were stealing from the bar, dude. I mean, it was an honest mistake.
Charlie: Mm, still kinda wish you didn't shoot me.
| Charlie: I had it all worked out, all right? I was gonna make it look like all the other robberies going on around town. Then, we would collect some insurance money, and...
Mac: Wow, dude. That's really just goddamn ridiculous.
Dee: That is so dumb.
Dennis: Yeah, it's pretty stupid.
Charlie: I thought it was like the best idea I ever had.
Dee: No, it's not at all.
Dennis: Well, it might be the best idea you've ever had, but it's still not that really...
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| Mac: We're like the Hardy boys!
Dennis: OK.
Mac: OK, great, so I'll be Frank. You be Joe. 'Cause Frank was kind of the leader and that makes a little bit more sense 'cause I'm coming up with all the plans.
Dennis: Wait, didn't Frank have the blond hair?
The Hardy Boys is a series of novels about two brothers, Frank and Joe Hardy, who solve mysteries. Joe, the younger brother, is actually the one who has blond hair; Frank's hair is dark brown.
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