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It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia :: The Gang Finds a Dead Guy (01x06)
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Episode Information |
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| Title: | The Gang Finds a Dead Guy |
| Episode #: | 01x06 |
| Production Number: | IP01007 |
| Original Airdate: | Tuesday September 06th, 2005 |
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Episode Summary |
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Mac and Dee open the bar and find a man who died overnight sitting at a booth. His granddaughter, Rebecca, comes to see where he spent his final night. Mac and Dennis try to impress her by claiming to have known her grandfather very well. All of this brings to surface Dee's horrible fear of the elderly, so she and Charlie visit her Pop-Pop in his nursing home as a final solution to the problem.
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Guest Stars |
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Main Cast |
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Featured Songs |
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| Artist | Song Title | Played When | | •Johann Pachelbel | Canon in D | Mac and Dennis arrive at the funeral |
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Episode Quotes |
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(Mac and Dee walk into the bar and see an old guy passed out at a table)
Mac: (poking him with a pool stick) Get up, old man. This isn't the American Legion! Wake up! Yo!
Dee: What's the matter?
Mac: He won't wake up.
Dee: Well, poke him harder, in his ribs.
Mac: (poking him) Wake up, old man. Wake ... up! (the final jab knocks him over) Holy shit. That bitch is dead.
| Dennis: I don't know what I'm gonna do about this booth. There's piss and shit everywhere.
Mac: All the death germs.
Dee: Plus that guy was so old. Old people are gross.
Charlie: Tell you what, I'll get the gasoline.
Mac: Charlie, we're not gonna burn it!
Charlie: Come on, dude. You never let me burn anything.
| (Charlie walks out in a face mask, gloves, and garbage bag to clean the booth)
Mac: Charlie, the EMT said he had a heart attack, not Ebola.
Charlie: Do you wanna do this?
Mac: No.
Charlie: Then don't question my methods.
| Dennis: We need to isolate the area, OK? You're just gonna spread whatever parts of him decomposed overnight.
Dee: (disgustedly) No...
Charlie: What are you, a scientist, dude?
Dennis: A scientist? Gimme the hose.
Charlie: Yeah, that's like science talk.
| Dee: Uh, I have a little bit of a problem with old people. It sounds a little mean, but I find them kind of creepy ... and scary ... and gross. I think they're gross. It's their hands mostly, you know, how you can see right through them, all their inside business.
| (Dee asks Charlie to go with her to the nursing home)
Charlie: I'll tell you what. I'll go with you, but you have to let me borrow your car anytime I want.
Dee: No...
Charlie: Every now and then.
Dee: No.
Charlie: One time.
Dee: All right.
Charlie: And ... you have to take me to lunch twice a week for a year.
Dee: No, I don't.
Charlie: Once a week.
Dee: Mm-mm.
Charlie: Today.
Dee: OK.
Charlie: Great.
| Charlie: A lot of people lead perfectly normal lives in nursing homes. (he opens the door to Pop-Pop's room)
Dee: Oh, Jesus! He doesn't even look like a real person!
| Pop-Pop: (mistaking Charlie for Dennis) You're a lot shorter than I thought you'd wind up.
Charlie: Yeah... Well, you know, I'm actually still growing, so...
Pop-Pop: You want some candy?
Charlie: No, I'm good, thanks.
Pop-Pop: Eat the damn candy!
| Pop-Pop: (to Charlie) I'm an old man, Dennis, and as you can see, I don't have much time left. I need your help.
Charlie: Oh... Oh, no, no, no, no. I me—I'm not very comfortable with that. F—first of all, I don't even know which one of these things I would unplug.
Pop-Pop: No, you idiot! I don't need you to kill me! I need you to help me!
| Dennis: Hey, pal. How would you like to make twenty bucks?
Homeless Man: Sure.
Dennis: Got some nicer clothes?
(long silence)
Mac and Dennis: Right.
| (Mac's phone rings at the funeral in front of Dennis and Rebecca)
Dennis: Oh, is that your phone?
Mac: Yeah.
Dennis: Gonna answer that?
Mac: Uh, well, I—I don't wanna be rude, so...
Dennis: Oh, well, the ringer's going off right in the middle of a funeral. It's gotta be pretty important, right?
| Mac: (going through Pop-Pop's box) This is unbelievable!
Charlie: I know that! I know that! There are, like, so many medals in there, dude. This guy was probably, like, King Nazi.
| Charlie: (about Pop-Pop and his Nazi memorabilia) All right, so here's the deal. He wants me to take all this shit to him so he can be, like, buried in it or something.
Mac: Buried in it? Oh, screw that old bitch. He's a Nazi! Let him die and burn in hell!
Charlie: Right?
Mac: Let's sell this shit on eBay.
| Mac: How much will you give us for it?
Curator: Nothing.
Charlie: Nothing, or...
Curator: I plan to call the police the minute you guys leave my office.
| Dennis: (gloating about "winning" Rebecca) So we went back to her house, and we made sweet ... passionate ... love.
Mac: Great.
Dennis: Yeah.
Mac: Great for you. You ... you must be really proud of yourself. Awesome. (hands Dennis a photo of Pop-Pop) Your grandfather's a Nazi.
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