Top Ten Dick Cheney Excuses
1. If I announced every evil thing I did, I wouldn't have time to shoot old guys in the face.
2. Dude, Bros Before Hos
3. I can't willfully violate the constitution and the rights of every American citizen--what is this Russia?
4. No habla ingles
5. Spy program--I thought it was a pie program
6. Hellooo--everything I do is illegal
7. Wasn't me--I was judging a water ski exhibition in Orlando
8. UH OH, chest pains--gotta go
9. It was so secret, I didn't even tell myself about it
10. Was going to make it public but then I remembered I'm an evil bastard.