Parker: (reading a review of Sophie's newest musical) "Never before has a production of The Sound of Music made me root for the Nazis."

Eliot: You rent a condo above a bar.
Nate: That's right.
Eliot: Well, that's very... Catholic.

Sophie: There's nothing you can say that will make me feel better.
Parker: I know what would make you feel better. We should steal something.
Nate: Hmm No, no...
Sophie: Yes. We could do it together.
Elliot: I like this. Get right back up on the bike.
Parker: Bike of crime.

Nate: Didn't you earlier tell me how great your new lives were?
Parker: Yeah, well, I stole the Hope Diamond.
Nate: What!?
Parker: And then I put it back. Yeah, 'cause I was bored. Didn't care.

Alec: I spent three days hacking into the White House emails--no buzz.
Sophie: See?
Alec: But we are doing some pretty hinky stuff in Pakistan. Hinky.
Sophie: Look, I'm miserable, they're miserable. (to Eliot) Okay, what--what have you been doing the last six months?
Eliot: I was in Pakistan.

Nate: That's my shirt.
Sophie: Yeah. Oh, I stayed the night to make sure you were okay.
Nate: You what?
Sophie: But don't worry, I didn't, you know, look under your bed. I know that's where guys keep weird, kinky stuff.
Nate: There's nothing under my bed.

Alec: Do you realize, on average, people are caught on security cameras 13 times a day? ATM cameras, traffic cameras. It's crazy man, but we can track 'em. We can. Wha... I lost him in this.

Eliot: (about Parker) She's dressed that way 'cause she's doing a con.
Nate: What, you thought she was dressed like a nun for no reason?
Eliot: She's Parker.
Nate: Ah, fair enough.

Nate: Sophie, how--how do you catch Mob guys?
Sophie: Uhh... two glasses of Chianti and a story about my grandma in Sicily.
Nate: How does the government catch mob guys?

Eliot: That's why the businesses are clean; they're dirty from the inside.
Nate: Well, yeah, I mean, if you have a body in the trunk of your car, you're gonna drive under the speed limit, aren't you?
Parker: You know, when you're sober, your metaphors get creepier.

Nate: Now if you'll excuse me, I am gonna go call a professional killer who tried to murder me and arrange to meet him in an isolated location.

Eliot: Hey, this detonator, if I'm around the corner, is it still going to be in range?
Alec: Should be. I haven't worked out all the kinks yet. Sometimes the things just go off.
Eliot: Wha-wha-wait. Hey. I thought you said this thing was safe?
Alec: Mostly, mostly safe. I was very specific. Sometimes the frequencies get messed up.
Eliot: What frequencies, man? Huh? I got these things in my pants.
Alec: Like a, you know, garage door opener, car alarm.
(nearby car alarm goes off, Eliot jumps)
Parker: What are the odds that Eliot's crotch will actually explode?
Eliot: Damn it, Hardison!

Nate: (over the new earbuds) Okay, guys, it's not O'Hare.
Sophie: What?
Nate: No, O'Hare is not the boss, is what I'm saying.
Sophie: This whole con was built around O'Hare.
Parker: Ooh, they're probably going to shoot Nate in the face!
Nate: Parker, I can hear you.
Parker: Ooh. Uh, sorry.

Glen Leary: I was tricked. I was tricked! It wasn't, it wasn't me. You understand, I...
Lt. Patrick Bonanno: Somebody tricked you into bringing a briefcase full of evidence of your own crime straight to the police? Come on, Mr. Leary. Nobody's that smart.