Parker: Okay, bad enough it's Christmas and there's no snow on the ground, but this is Santa we're talking about, okay? We can't turn away Santa!
Nate: You know that's not really Santa, right?
Parker: Obviously. Santa lives at the North Pole.

Nate: Hey, Eliot. You in the spirit yet?
Eliot: Ho, ho, ho.

Annoying Kid: Wait! I want a Rubbery Robby!
Eliot: You're gonna get a Sammy spanking, you don't get off my lap.
Parker: Don't worry! Santa just hasn't had his morning nog yet! You're Santa! Respect the suit!
Eliot: Parker, this beard is itchy. All right? And somebody peed on my lap earlier. And everybody wants a... Rub Me Robby.
Parker: "Rubbery Robby." It's a toy.
Parker and Eliot: This is the best/worst job ever.

Eliot: Nate, I don't understand why you couldn't play Santa.
Nate: Well, you know, Dooley's seen me, first of all, and secondly, you just fit in better with the other Santas.
Eliot: Really? You're the ex-con.
Nate: Yeah, but you're just so... jolly.
Eliot: Jolly. (Alec laughs) Hardison, I'm gonna... I got a lump of coal with your name on it!

Nate: What, he set the EMP on “toast”?
Alec: He killed her, Nate. I hate him. I hate him.
Nate: She was a good van. We’ll get you another.

Eben Dooley Jr.: Ah, Santa, how are we gonna top this next year, huh?
Frank / Santa Claus: Do you mean I have my job back?
Eben Dooley Jr.: I think this mall can use a Santa year-round.
Frank / Santa Claus: Ho ho ho ho ho ho! You are high on the holiday spirit.
Eben Dooley Jr.: Yes, I am! And pills mixed with morphine. I can't believe you let me drive here.

Colin "Chaos" Mason: You have to admit, it was a good plan.
Alec: Yeah. But there was one thing you didn’t count on.
Colin "Chaos" Mason: Oh, no.
Alec: You forgot...
Colin "Chaos" Mason: No. No.
Alec: About the true meaning...
Colin "Chaos" Mason: No. Don’t say it!
Alec: Of Christmas.
Colin "Chaos" Mason: Aah! That barely applies here!
Alec: Ho ho ho.

Colin "Chaos" Mason: Hello, Sophie. It's the Grinch who stole Christmas.

The Grinch is a Dr. Seuss creation, a green-furred being that lives in a cave and tries to steal Christmas from the residents of Whoville. He appears in the Seuss story and then in a CBS Christmas special, and eventually in a feature movie.