Alec: That's a lot of energy for a small battery.
Parker: Yeah, does it blow up?
Alec: Not everything blows up, Parker.
Parker: Everything blows up, silly.

Nate: Let’s go steal the Department of Defense.
Parker: Isn’t that treason?
Nate: We’ll give it back.

Eliot: Every one of Moreau's men has innocent blood on their hands, every one of them. Every one of them... are worse than me. You think you know what I've done? The worst thing I ever did in my entire life I did for Damien Moreau. And I--I'll never be clean of that.
Parker: What did you do?
Eliot: Don't ask me that, Parker. Because if you ask me, I'm gonna tell you. So please don't ask me.

Nate: What were you thinking? I mean, this guy's, he's too tall. We looked at the whole...
Alec: What was I thinking? You asked for a white male John Doe, this is a white male John Doe. This ain't the Gap.
Nate: Yeah, but, I mean, we're in trouble if they move the zipper past here, because this guy, I mean, he was stabbed.
Alec: You know what? My bad. Next time, I'm gonna spackle up the knife wound, maybe do his makeup, brush his teeth a little bit.
Nate: Okay.
Alec: They threw me in a pool, man!

Parker: Who taught you how to drive?
Sophie: Taxi driver in Istanbul.
Parker: I like it.

Alec: We got to get on that freight car.
Parker: I have an idea.
Sophie: Am I gonna hate it?
Parker: No, but he is.

Parker: You got an idea?
Alec: Yeah.
Parker: Am I gonna hate it?
Alec: No, but I am.

Parker: And if you do it wrong?
Alec: Uh, the bomb triggers a giant EMP pulse, Washington DC is fried, and thousands will die, and we go down as the biggest terrorists in American history, but we'll be dead, too, so it's not really our problem.
Parker: Well, there's that.
Alec: There is that.

Chapman: You said you didn't like guns.
Eliot: I don't. (shoots him) Never said I couldn't use them.

Parker: You know what I'm in the mood for?
Alec: What?
Parker: Pretzels.

Nate's alias of Lionel Whitney is a homage to Jeff Goldblum's character Lionel Whitney in the TV series Tenspeed and Brownshoe, which featured elaborate cons.