Alec: And, I had to re-task two satellites, just to get a lousy Internet connection. Took more than an hour to torrent the last episode of Doctor Who.
Parker: Hey, illegal downloading is wrong.

Parker: Forty-two seconds.
Alec: What?
Parker: To rob this bank. One security guard who never fired his gun before, two closed-circuit camera's outside, one inside, and an Glenn-Reader safe built in the 1950s whose default combination is the birthday of the manager's wife. Get in and get out--42 seconds.
Alec: Seriously?

Sheriff Bill Hastings: Cut power to the bank. Standard operating procedure.
Alec: Standard... that's standard operating... it's standard. Where are you getting that bull hockey from, son?
Sheriff Bill Hastings: Deputy Arnold, he took a seminar in crisis management last year.
Deputy Arnold: It was an online seminar. We got certificates.
Alec: Certificates? Magic kits come with certificates. Does that make it cool for kids to saw their parents in half?

Derrick Clark: No, no cops. If they find out we contacted the police, they'd kill her.
Sophie: They're not cops, I promise you. They're friends of mine, you can trust them.
Derrick Clark: Why should I trust you? I don't know who you are.
Sophie: I'm a thief.
Derrick Clark: Okay... I'm not sure what to do with that.

Nate: Parker, have you ever robbed a bank that's being robbed?
Parker: There's a first time for everything.

Alec: The closest office is in San Diego, so they should be here in about, um... 45 minutes.
Nate: We can't worry about that now.
Alec: When do we worry about it?
Nate: In about 45 minutes.

Derrick Clark: There's a lot of money in there.
Parker: Yeah, I know.
Derrick Clark: My wife's life depends on that money getting where it needs to go.
Parker: I understand. Sometimes bad guys are the only good guys you get.

Eliot: Hey, what smells like crank and screams like a girl? (kicks the meth-head in the knee, he screams) That's the right answer.

Ellen Clark: Who are you?
Eliot: Well, ma'am, we'd be the cavalry.

Alec: This is all starting to make sense now. It would explain the irrational behavior. Nervousness, the irritability.
Judge Roy: Shut up. You're not even real FBI.
Alec: Paranoid delusions. The violent outbursts.
Judge Roy: Listen to me, he's one of them. He's in on it!

Sophie: You're still the geek.
Alec: Geek power, baby, stay strong.

Sophie: So what's the plan, Stan?

Alec: I'm Agent Leonard, this is Agent Elmore.

Eliot: Maybe I'm just dense, Nate, but your alternate revenue source is sitting 2' from Boss Hogg himself in the middle of a bank surrounded by cops.

Alec: Sheriff Coltrane over here called the FBI.