MacGyver: A man once said he went to a fight and a hockey game broke out.

MacGyver: Put twelve guys carrying sticks in an enclosed area and sooner or later… men will be boys.

MacGyver: The penalty box is hockey's version of solitary confinement. Except you serve your time in front of a rink full of people.

Jimmy Kendall: Take my advice, stay young.
MacGyver: I'll try.

MacGyver: I've never minded checking out bars or car lots. That's because they're usually not ten stories up.

Jimmy Kendall: I lived by the beach when I was a kid in Jersey City. Well, it really wasn't a beach, it was a drainage ditch. But my mother said it was a beach and I believed.

Jimmy Kendall: Well, like I used to tell Mikey, dreams are important, otherwise sleep is just eight hours of nothing.

MacGyver: I like alfalfa sprouts for two reasons. Lots of minerals, and they don't stain your clothes.

MacGyver: If Simmons picked this neighborhood because of its low profile, he made a great choice. Everything you always wanted in a slum, and less.

MacGyver: You know, I bought your whole story. Boston Braves.
Jimmy Kendall: True.
MacGyver: Bad knees.
Jimmy Kendall: Critical.
MacGyver: Being a friend.

Pete: Mmm, this is great. Did you make this?
MacGyver: You're supposed to heat it.
Pete: Mmm, I like it cold.
MacGyver: I didn't think you'd go in for whipped bean curd.

Jimmy Kendall: Our Ralph is so dumb, he'd study for a blood test.

Jimmy Kendall: I owe you one, MacGyver.
MacGyver: How can you owe a friend?

Ballplayer: Hey, Louie, I need some oil for my glove.
Jimmy Kendall: You don't need oil, you need glue. Two errors on one play yesterday.
Ballplayer: I lost it in the sun!
Jimmy Kendall: It was a ground ball!

MacGyverisms:
* Fixing a bar spray hose valve with a martini skewer
* Cutting a lamp cord loose, plugging it into an outlet, and feeding a power surge through an electrical lock to open it
* Wiring a car phone into a car's electrical system so a call can tap into the car's security system, lock the doors, and shut down the ignition
* Filling a pipe with gas, triggering it with a flaming rag, and firing a second pipe to burst through a door
* A sheet of mylar to create a reflection of a man, convincing someone they apparently shot him, with red paint as fake blood