MacGyver: I have this recurring nightmare. I'm on a gameshow and the hundred thousand dollar question is, "What's the opposite of Swiss Air?" And before I can think I answer, "Dalton Airways." Jack Dalton's dream. My nightmare. And at the moment, we were both living it. He picked up this lame duck at a drug enforcement auction in Mexico, at a bargain basement price, of course. Even drug-dealing desperadoes draw the line on what they'll fly. But not Jack. Oh no.
MacGyver: It didn't work!
Jack Dalton: You're absolutely right, But you've got to look at the bright side of these things, Mac. We're still airborne, we're close to home...
MacGyver: ...and we're fallin' like a rock!
Jack Dalton: Where are you goin' with that? We've only got one parachute.
MacGyver: And whose fault is that?!
Jack Dalton: Okay, okay... what about me?
MacGyver: Jack, we all know the captain goes down with the ship. I'm just the engineer!
Jack Dalton: The airfield's just ahead. I figure you've got about four minutes to come up with an ingenious plan - preferably one that works.
Jack Dalton: We made it! We defied gravity! We defied the gods! Yeah!
MacGyver: I don't know why I'm mad at ya. I already knew you were nuts. The question is, how touched am I to keep gettin' hooked up with you!
Jack Dalton: I know it got a little harem-scarem up there, but you don't ever have to fly with me again if you don't want to.
MacGyver: That's good, Jack. That's perfect! I really don't want to fly with you. Ever!
Jack Dalton: Fine. (a piece of the plane falls off) I do, however, have an opening on my ground crew for a person of your imminent qualifications...
Jack Dalton: Look, MacGyver, it's a legit contract! Legit cargo. No drugs or alcohol, no toxins. No chemical cheese. No endangered species for slaughter. Nothing you could possibly object to on moral, ethical, or scientific grounds.
MacGyver: All right, I'll bite. What's the cargo?
Jack Dalton: Portable potties for Panama.
Jack Dalton: MacGyver, If you don't help me get her airborne, I'll lose the contract. Which means I won't be able to make rent on the hangar. Which means I'm going to have to ask you to let me move in for a while.
MacGyver: I've got tools and a welder in storage, and I know where we can scrounge for parts.
MacGyver: It's a baby, Jack.
Jack Dalton: What's it doing here?
MacGyver: You're asking me? It's your airplane.
Jack Dalton: Okay, it's my airplane. But what's that got to do with me?
MacGyver: Am I supposed to believe that whoever abandoned this baby picked your hangar and your airplane by pure chance?
Jack Dalton: What do you think a kid like this eats? You know about these things, Mac.
MacGyver: What, do I look like Dr. Spock?
MacGyver: Get a grip. We got to change him.
Jack Dalton: Can't we hose him down.
MacGyver: (thinks about it) No.
(the baby cries)
MacGyver: Jack, it's your turn.
Jack Dalton: I'm sorry. Captain Dalton is currently in a coma and unavailable.
MacGyver: You've been in a coma all your life. Even when you are awake, you don't do anything right. I send you to the store for a few necessities, and you come back with chips and beer instead of talcum powder and diapers.
Jack Dalton: They were sold out. In case you haven't heard, the yuppies are breedin' like guppies in these parts.
Jack Dalton: I'm not wild about havin' a baby dumped on us, but at least it was darn decent of her to leave some child support.
MacGyver: What, ninety-five thousand dollars' worth? You said she was a waitress at the Officers' Club. Call me skeptical, but I don't think her tips were quite that good.
Jack Dalton: It doesn't look like me, does it?
MacGyver: "Him," Jack, not "it." "Him." And as a matter of fact, with a little mustache, a forked tongue, a twitching eye, there's a strong possibility.
Pete: You guys are pathetic, you know that? Where did you learn to diaper a baby, in a fish market?
Pete: You building this for the kid or yourself?
MacGyver: A little of both.
Jack Dalton: I think this little fellow could be my kid. Well, I mean, he loves to fly, he's got a great belch, and I can tell by the gleam in his eye he's gonna be dynamite with the ladies.
MacGyver: So you pick up the phone. Who do you call?
Jack Dalton: My telephone's been temporarily disconnected for the last year or so.
Pete: This little boy's going to need a family. Some family.
MacGyver: Yeah, like uncles. Lots of uncles. Three. Three uncles.
Jack Dalton: Yeah. Somebody to take him fishing. Throw him a football. Fly him to Panama...