(watching Hal pour water in a juice container)
Lois: This is insane, there is no juice left in there. You are watering down water.
(pointing to the cross on the wall)
Dewey: (to Hal) What's the T on the wall stand for?
Dewey: What if they ask me to pray? I don't know how to pray.
Hal: Look, they only wanna meet us. So for the next half hour as far as you're concerned God is the greatest thing in the universe and that's that.
Pastor Roy: (to the class) And the best part is when you play with God it's always your turn.
Church Teens: (singing) I don't need no evil weed. Keep your crack and your LSD. I'm snorting something that God gave me and it smells a lot like love.
Otto: (to the crowd) For your own safety do not wave at them. They think our hands are sex organs. You may start something you won't want to finish.
Hal: I can't believe you're saying this.
Lois: I know it's horrible.
Hal: You really don't remember do you?
Hal: You've hated all our babies. You couldn't stand the sight of any of them for at least two months.
Hal: Well, Reese six months but he was a nipple biter so I didn't blame you. You told me to leave Francis at the County Fair so he could be raised by cows.
Reese: (singing as he floats) Amazing race, how sweet the taste. That saved a wrench for me. I once was in the lost and found was blind but found my keys.
Hal: (to Pastor Roy) We really don't belong around civilized people. (Reese crashes through the church's window) See that's exactly the kind of thing we're talking about.